[Freezair]

I'm looking for criticism. Yes, you heard right. I want people to read some of my stories (well, right now, I only have a single story) and critique me on them. I need to know what's good. I need to know what's bad. In short, I need to know. However, getting people to sit down and do this sort of thing is difficult indeed. So, here's my proposition.

You read my story. You critique me. I pay you for it.

I'm willing to dole out 10 KS per critique. However, not just any old comment will do. I'm looking for constructive criticisms here, people. Well-thought out responses. Stuff that I can USE. So your constructive crits/critiques need to be substantial, or I won't pay ya, 'cuz I can't use any of it.

I'm willing to pay the first three or four people who'll do this for me. So... kindly read? And respond to me? Please respond here, in this post, so I know exactly whom I'm giving KS to. Thanks!

[jazzylily]

I will try to give you a good response. If you don't think its good enough you don't have to pay me. If nothing else this can help me with my essay analyzing in english (:

[Freezair]

OK. Thanks a lot! I'm just looking for some honest opinions. If you can do that, and it helps be understand stuff, it's all good. XD

[GrayGriffin]

Quite good, but I don't like the beginning. It's a bit too descriptive and flowery compared with the rest of the story. Of course, that's really just my own opinion. Also, perhaps we could have a bit more of backstory about some things, such as Radston.

Your description of magic is nice. I was able to visualize how the spells were actually happening. Is Orbbing the main way all magic is done in this universe?

Very humorous in some places, but the humor isn't overused. I would like to see how it continues!

[jazzylily]

Alright so here it goes....
Although I must admit I was a bit confused in the beginning of the story I quickly fell into the rythmn of your writing and your style. The characters are very interesting and well detailed and I like the history tied in with the present. I was a bit lost as new characters were introduced like Saradeana but as I have already said it didn't take me long to know who they were and get a feel for their personalities. Over all it has the makings of a well rounded and intriging story. I would need more background information to fully understand the relationships and emotions each character has. It is very original and I enjoyed reading it. I especially love the setting. You really seem to know your stuff which adds to the story. If you write anymore with these characters in it I will be sure to read (:
Also one more thing, make sure to read through your story and fill in any words you accidently forgot. I personally skip words all the time so its not a big deal but just giving you a heads up!

[Freezair]

Thanks a lot! *ka-chinks some KS into your Taosiggy Bank*

Sorry for the not-a-lot-of-backstory concerning Radston. This story was written as a side project to my main "novel project," which tells you all about Radston. I initially wrote this story for myself, but decided to show it off to some folks I know, so I can see the problems. The problem is, I'm not sure how to add more on him without... more descriptive stuff! I admit it, I love to do descriptive bits. What would you recommend in place of that? I try not to infodump, but I love to just do blocks describing scenes and persons. Any advice you can offer is greatly appreciated!

Also, no, Orbing isn't the main form of magic. Well, it's one of the most important spells, for transportation. The main form of magic--well, that's hard to say for sure, but I guess you could call it "word magic," or magic based on the "essence" that lives in all words.

[Freezair]

Sorry, missed Jazzy's as I was posting. XD Anyway...

Thanks a lot! As I noted in my response to GrayGriffin, these characters are all based off characters from my "novel project," and they have their backstories established there. In a sense, I was writing my own fanfiction when I wrote this. XD I do admit I also tend to make "cold opens" a lot--I drop characters into a scene without explaining them, and then they slowly get explained as the scene progresses. I'll try to figure out how to put some more background info into this story itself, though I've got to figure out how to do it without infodumping. Although sometimes a story just needs a visit from the Exposition Fairy, one must be careful not to abuse her services.

Missed words: Um, oops. XD I'll look for those and try to fix them, though they are verrry hard to catch sometimes.

Thanks for the compliments, too!