[Kylo]

[Talcen]

Normally he would have sent a velix to preform such a demeaning task, but with radiation from a sun flare last week his bots had been severely malfunctioning and they'd likely burst into flames rather than actually get any work done. Due to this the foxen god was left with little choice but to do the task himself. He knows he could waste his energy and make the supplies himself but this was easier and took up less of his energy.

He was quite a sight, not only being a severely rare species but also being one that was constantly set ablaze. He rather enjoyed the looks of fear on people's faces as he passed by, their instinctual fear of flames kept them far away from him, much to his pleasure. Most people took on human forms for such tasks as shopping but not Talcen, oh no he had to be that asshole with flaming paws that picks things up with his mind and tosses them in a basket held in his mouth.

Now just where was that lighter fluid?

[1]

[Saahs]

Today seemed to be as good as any day to visit a grocery shop. No, not to buy anything, rather the opposite: take some choice veggies and not pay for them. Oohoohoohoo Nigel was excited. No, not because he was stealing carrots or something, but because someone here was on fire. Literally on fire. It completely obliterated any thought of pocketing some tasty mushrooms and he found himself weaving around shelves and other customers to reach the person in question.

On the way, the Snow Slynx casually picked up a package of celery. Looking them over, he deemed them worthy enough of the price they called for. Perhaps today he would pay for his veggies. Clutching the celery (and now a head of lettuce) to his chest, Nigel made an effort to keep out of the flaming creature's sight, but the success of his attempt was debatable given he continuously leaned out from behind his hiding spot to squint at the being with a scrunched nose.

"Did someone forget to leave their stove on?" Oh god that was his own mouth that those words had come out of. He started to giggle. No, not because he found what he said was funny, but because he had just signed his own death wish.

Nigel's eyes bulged and he zipped back behind the shelf of suspiciously vibrant purple oblong tomatoes - wait, no, those were eggplants - and waited for the end to come. A big, blue, fiery end to him and his precious, were-actually-going-to-be-paid-for veggies.

[1]

[Kylo]

Wait a sec. Did someone just make a joke at him? Talcen turned around to spot the creature that dared to make a joke at him. He did his best to look terrifying and pissed off, but really he wasn't. That was actually a hilarious joke. So much that he find himself cackling and sparks zipping off of his body. Nope, can't maintain scary face, must laugh because technology puns! He's literally a machine! How could he not laugh at being called a stove? It was too funny.

"HehehHEHEHEHEHHEEEEE!" he cackled as he dropped his basket and rolled on the ground with glee. That was priceless! A stove! Him, the great god of technology called a stove!

After a few seconds worth of unconstrained glee the cyber fellox rolled back onto his feet and snickered lightly.

"Okay who said that? Come on out! I gotta thank ya. Come on! Ehehe that was just ehehehe!"

[2]

[Saahs]

Oh boy Nigel was more gullible than he'd ever admit. Just shoot the thief a mildly threatening look and he would just about wet himself. Add blue fire and oh god electrical sparks to the ordeal and he was 150% positive he was toast. And in this case, literally. The creature was laughing now, he was in for it. The death of the century, what would it be? Electrocution, no doubt. As the cackling rose in pitch Nigel's heart sank. Death by a pun. Not his greatest achievement, besides stealing vegetables (in this case, deciding to not steal them after all).

His ears perked up. Wait, was this person pleased with his joke? That was a first. Hesitantly, he slowly turned and peeked around the eggplants. Nigel kind of wished he was a turtle and could just hide his head in a shell or something. "It, aha, was me. Hi." His voice was higher pitch than normal and cracked dryly from embarrassment and terror. Still, he offered a grin he hoped came off as mischievous, rather than sheepish, shameful, and shit-scared.

[2]

[Kylo]

Ah so there's the source. Aww look at how scared he is too! So precious. Talcen could almost taste his fear. He was starting to see why demons loved this shit so much. The cyber fellox approached him after reclaiming his basket, this time with a tail hooked under it, with a large sly grin.

"So what'cha name, friend?" He drawled as he rolled the word friend just a tad bit too long for it to mean anything pleasent.

[3]

[Saahs]

Nope, scratch that. Scratch every hope he had of walking out of this alive. That tone of voice meant nothing good for him. The snow slynx gave another nervous titter, scooting onto a squat of fear and shame. "B'ehehahah. It's Nigel, ah, friend." No, that 'friend' could bode nothing well. Still, he stood up, turning to face the stranger. He gave a small wave with his free hand. "'Ey."

[3]

[Kylo]

Ehe he he he, yeah this guy was gonna be fun.

"Say, Nigel, ya wanna help me out? I can't seem to find the damned lighter fluid in this junk store along with some other things."

Oh he better say yes, after all friends help friends, right? Also he better not ask what it was for either. He might just make a joke if he did.

[4]

[Saahs]

He started to offer a hand to shake, then changed his mind given this guy was on fire. Literally on blue fricken fire. Stuffing his hands back in his oversized pockets, he shrugged. "Lighter fluid, eh? That how you keep yourself lit up like that or..?"

Wow was he trying to get himself roasted? Nigel cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yyyyeah I can help you find it. It won't be in the vegetable section, for your future reference." He sidestepped around the other. "Got a name or anythin' I oughta call you by? Something other than 'that them there blazey dude', at least."

[4]

[Kylo]

Eyes narrowed at the slynx. Yeah electrical fires are totally lit by lighter fluid, you fucking idiot cat. Maybe this cat had a death wish. The first joke was funny, but this one sucked. The delivery was all wrong and it was too easy of a joke to make. Zero points. As for the vegetable section, he hadn't been right there, just the next aisle over which was where the grilling supplies were meant to be. Talcen's eyes narrowed more. Yeah he was gonna shock this guy later.

"It's Talcen." man his voice was definitively showing signs of irritation, you better watch out.

[5]

[Saahs]

Yep, that tickled Sir Zaps a bad one. Not that Nigel could tell the difference between types of fires. A fire was a fire for all he gave a shit. But if he was gonna die Nigel wouldn't go down before at least making someone very irritated. So far, it was working pretty well. "Picky with yer jokes, ain'tchya." It was quiet, but clearly not meant to be left unheard by the other. And even if he had been by the grilling supplies, still not where fluid would be at. So, he made his way to where cigarettes were sold.

He nodded his head then snorted. "Alright then, Talcen." He was more than ready to throw the bundle of celery at Tal and make a break for it. In the case that the other decided to become even further pissed, that was.

[5]

[Kylo]

Nope, that's it you shocked now. Snorting at him like he's an idiot. News flash tiny cat lighter fluid is normally kept with charcoal and shit too ya know! His eyes narrow as a small arc of electricity shot out to zap the cat. Not enough to kill him, but certainly enough to hurt.

"Yer a real grade a ass ya know that?"

And you're an idiot too. You're messing with a literal god, not some scrap heap put together by a mad man like the rest of his kind are.

[6]

[Saahs]

Nigel went rigid as the shock coursed through him. Okay, he made some shitty jokes and got zapped for it? How rude can you get? The thief shot Talcen a venomous glower, but said nothing. Unaware as he was that the person behind him was in fact a deity, he knew well enough not to retaliate. Just get the guy his stupid lighter fluid then be done with it. Possibly prove his physical education teacher that yes, he could sprint at an impressive speed under the correct circumstances. A stupid test for a class he didn't give a shit about was not one of them. "Yup. Takes one to know one, though."

6

[Kylo]

"Says the guy who pokes fun at random strangers and expects to get away scott free."

Don't push it, kid. Don't. Push. It. Talcen looked at the cigarette aisle and scowled. No lighter fluid. Just fricking wonderful. Now what was he going to use to incinerate those old diskettes? A blowtorch? Actually that's not a bad idea, though he doubted a grocery store had it. Oh well, better get the other things he needed then. Or better yet have this asshole fetch them while he bugs the clerk to check in the back for the lighter fluid.

"If you're smart you'll shut up now and help me find something else. The least you can do after insulting me. First time you joke I can laugh it off. It had a pun in it so it was good. But the other ones were just stupid and insulting. Since apparently they're out of lighter fluid you can help me find some steak."

Yes he eats, and no not fucking batteries. Make the joke and die kid.

[7]

[Saahs]

"To the guy who electrocutes people because they get on 'is nerves." Really, they were both assholes of different varieties and flavours.

He stared at the empty shelf where lighter fluid was meant to be. Nigel wasn't surprised, but damn was it a bad time. His eyes slowly crossed in exasperation at their luck before he turned to eye Talcen as he spoke. "Awright awright, I'll help ya find some steak." The slynx brushed a puff of hair out of his face, ears twitching irritably. Under his breath he tittered something about Talcen having beef with him. What could he say, he couldn't keep himself from succumbing to the sweet embrace of shitty puns.

[7]

[Kylo]

"Just be glad I didn't kill you on principle," he growled.

This kid, this kid was either the dumbest asshole he's met yet, or he literally does not care of he is murdered over shitty jokes in a grocery store. Talcen couldn't decide which of the two was more pathetic. Either way he was on the fast track to dying young. And on the fast track to dying in a grocery store as well. He'd follow the kid for now. He hoped he could at least find some damned beef.

[8]