by zapdragon555 » 03/27/2015 1:24 PM
"And so, as x approaches zero, it follows this asymptote here as indicated by the equation we took apart..." Kreisler's pencil carved smooth, sloping lines on the graph between the two of them, and Vernon watched with intent. "...so it comes from both sides, but the two lines will never touch. They just go on to infinity. That's the basics of yesterday's lesson. Got all that?" A warm chuckle and soft eyes addressed Vernon, and he blinked, looking up to stare at the professor.
"Yeah, I think I got it." Vernon didn't like math very much. It was rigid, and difficult, and the answers were always so black and white, which Vernon had a tendency to both resent and take a strange comfort in. Perhaps it was because he associated it with Kreisler, but he figured that was giving his subconscious too much credit. Vernon's absence for most of class on Friday meant an after school study session on Monday with Kreisler. Except no one else had showed up, on account of the other girl who was supposed to come was running terribly late. Vernon wasn't sure if that was luck or fate or an omen. "Thanks, this... helped a lot. Sorry for the trouble..."
Kreisler's eyes crinkled slightly as he smiled wider, and a small laugh escaped him. "Aw, that's great. No, don't apologize. I'm happy to do this for you," he said, eyes softening as he took in Vernon's appearance. The bruises were still there, but Vernon was wearing makeup this time. Even so, he could see the light purple shade peeking through the coverup. "You're a smart kid, Vernon."
Vernon's eyes flickered slightly, and the sudden damper on his mood must have shown. Kid. Kreisler blinked, catching himself. "A smart man," he corrected himself softly, then turned in his chair to face Vernon a bit better, looking at him levelly. "You're a capable, good-hearted man with a good head on your shoulders. And I think as long as you apply yourself, your life will be as great as you want it to be." The sudden serious atmosphere that had settled in the air made Kreisler smile in embarrassment, glancing away with what looked like a small flush. "Heh, got a little heavy there. But... I mean it, Vernon." He turned back to meet Vernon's blue eyes, which were wide now, his lips parted as he stared back at Kreisler. "I just... want you to know that I care about you. I'm on your side."
A quiet settled over the study room for a moment, Vernon's eyes locked on Kreisler's face, eyes, his lips as he talked... It was like a spell had been put over him. Kreisler... cared about him. To Vernon, the idea was revolutionary, and even though it showed in every action, to hear Kreisler say it...
Before Vernon knew what was happening he was leaning out of his chair and closing the gap between himself and the professor, his lips seeking and pressing against Kreisler's mouth before softening into a shuddering gasp, and for a moment the world was still, and beautiful, and his heart was beating so fast in his chest he couldn't hear... what was Kreisler saying...?
"Mmf--Ver--Vernon, wait!" Kreisler gasped, jerking away from Vernon's mouth, his face a dark red and eyes blank with shock. "Vernon," he breathed, then brought his hands up to Vernon's shoulders, and Vernon's eyes went a bit doey with a sudden, rushing need and the realization that Kreisler was pulling him closer...
"Jeremy," he whispered out Kreisler's first name and it just felt so good on his lips, here in the open and not in the quiet of his own bedroom as he moaned it into the pillowcase just one time, just one time and that had been it, he'd fallen in love with the image of his professor in his mind that night the first week of Sophomore year. Vernon barely lurched forward, trying to kiss him again, then realized the hands were not pulling him forward, but rather holding him firmly in place. Vernon's eyes refocused on Kreisler's eyes and his blood ran cold to find those kind eyes dark, Kreisler's brows knitted in a mixture of confusion, anger, and concern. "...P-professor...?"
"Vernon, I can't... do this. You... you must have misunderstood something," Kreisler began whispering, his voice cutting and harsh but still very much trying to remain calm. It wasn't working. In a sudden movement Kreisler shoved Vernon backwards and stood up, his chair rolling backwards slightly as he backed away from Vernon. "We can't do this. I'm not... you're..."
Vernon stared at Kreisler from where he was leaning on the table, his hand clutching the edge where he'd caught himself after being pushed so roughly. Slowly he could feel his resolve falling apart, the ground beneath his feet swaying. "I love you," Vernon's voice came out unbidden, as he moved closer to Kreisler. Their steps mirrored each other, Vernon's moving forward and Kreisler's moving away until the professor's back hit the wall and Vernon was pressing against the taller man.
Kreisler stared down at Vernon and stiffened with a sharp intake of breath as Vernon's hands moved to stroke along his sides, his chest, and Kreisler thought he was losing his mind because for a single moment he enjoyed the feeling of Vernon pressed up against him, touching him, staring at him like a dog stares at his master's food and oh god what was he doing--before Kreisler could speak, Vernon's lips were mouthing and sighing against his neck, and Kreisler shuddered, going limp against the wall as Vernon's attention sent shocks of fear and pleasure and horror and guilt through him. "I-I'm engaged," he choked out softly, his hands which had been trying to push Vernon away suddenly caressing the smaller boy's hips, sides, and arms.
"I don't care," Vernon whispered, his hips rubbing against Kreisler's and Vernon felt a rush of pride and excitement and a little fear as well as he realized he was getting Kreisler hot. "I don't care. Touch me." Vernon's voice was foreign to his own ears, low and steady and dangerous. He didn't know what he was doing, anymore. Later he would look back on this moment and realize it was the biggest mistake of his life, for a handful of reasons that Vernon wished he could forget had ever happened. But still his lips and tongue and teeth worked bruises into Kreisler's soft skin, not slowed by Kreisler's words, and certainly not slowed by the sound of footsteps nearing the study room.
"Stop, Vernon--damn it, stop... a-ahn...!" Kreisler gasped as Vernon's hands slipped between them to palm at the front of Kreisler's pants, and before he knew it Kreisler was a shaking mess, his breathing growing faster and faster, oh, Vernon wanted those pants off so he could just get on his knees and show Kreisler how much he really wanted him but all of Vernon's thoughts were suddenly knocked out of his head as Kreisler's knee came up and slammed into his groin, making Vernon cry out and stumble backwards to his knees, pain radiating up from between his legs. Vernon stiffened as Kreisler was suddenly upon him, grabbing him roughly by the arms and swinging him around to shove him into the wall, eyes blazing with a cold, quiet anger that made Vernon's heart stop.
"You... will never touch me again," Kreisler's voice was shaking, and all at once Vernon realized what he'd done. An enormous wave of remorse suddenly washed over the boy, tears springing in his eyes and rolling down his face. "Is that understood, Scarlett? Do you understand me?"
"Y-yes sir," Vernon whispered, his voice cracking as a sob escaped him. "I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I just... I thought you..." Kreisler stared at Vernon for a long time, his heart hammering so fast to think... how much he'd wanted Vernon, right in that moment, too. It scared him. It appalled him. "I-I thought you had feelings for me. Y-you acted like you did..."
Kreisler's eyes flashed for a moment, and he slowly let go of Vernon, then thought better of it and instead pulled the shaking young man into a tight hug, pinning Vernon's arms to his sides as he held him in place. "No, Vernon," Kreisler murmured, his voice softening and quieting with guilt. "I said I cared about you. I do. I still do, damn it. God, what am I supposed to think, when you come to class covered in bruises and cuts like you've been in a gang fight?" Vernon's shoulders shook in Kreisler's arms, little hiccuping sobs rushing out of him as he cried like a child into Kreisler's dress shirt. "I'm... I'm not gay, Vernon. I don't think I am, because I love my fiance very much, and we're going to get married in April."
Vernon cried harder, his wails muffled by fabric, and Kreisler sighed softly, staring at the place where carpet met wall. "I'm sorry I was rough with you, but I won't tolerate sexual harassment. You touched me without my permission, and I..." Kreisler closed his eyes for a moment, and took a steadying breath. He needed to be an adult. He needed to take care of this. "I can't let that go unpunished. I... I have to tell the schoolboard."
"No--god, no," Vernon's voice had risen to a level of panic as he tried to get away from the hug, and Kreisler's grip loosened just enough to let Vernon breathe a bit better. "No, no no no don't, please, I-I'll do anything. I'll never talk to you again, i-if that's what it will take. I'll transfer out of your class, I-I'll never talk to you again, I promise, I'll..." Vernon's rapid fire speech was growing less and less coherent as a sob mixed in, and Kreisler stared down at Vernon's head, his heart hammering. What to do, in this situation...? He knew nothing of Vernon's home life. He didn't know where those bruises came from, but he wondered... he truly wondered...
It wasn't his place to intervene. But... "Vernon," he said steadily, leaning away to look the boy in the eyes. "I don't want you to avoid me. I don't want you to get hurt, either. If... if me telling the schoolboard will get you hurt, then I don't want that." He licked his lips, trying to breathe evenly. "So... let's deal with this here. I still want to help you, and I like having you in my class. I don't want you to leave; you're a good student." Vernon's gasps hitched softly as he tried to control his sobs long enough for Kreisler to take him seriously and not look at him like a child, Vernon couldn't stand those kind brown eyes now, after all that... "If you promise to never mention this to anyone, I promise, too. And if you promise to never try something like that with me, or with any teacher, or student without their permission... then... then we can... let it go."
Everything Kreisler was saying completely went against his duties as a teacher. Kreisler knew that. But something deep inside of him just couldn't allow him to put the shaking blond boy in his arms into the hands of the devil, whatever those hands may be. "It's going to be okay, Vernon," he said softly, gently squeezing Vernon's shoulder as he often did when the boy left for lunch every day as a friendly goodbye. In retrospect, now... Kreisler supposed he was a fool to think Vernon would automatically assume it was just that. A friendly goodbye, and not a promise of wanting something more. "I promise, you're going to be okay."
Vernon raised his head to stare up at Kreisler with watery eyes, his face a mess from crying, and as he took in a breath to speak he stopped, as he heard a sudden rush of footsteps running away from the outside of the study room door.
But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair
"Tomorrow will be a good day."Pen | New Pen | Breed | Wish | Sales | Art | Imp. | Add-ons