[Redd]

"Right. Except sometimes is kinda turning int a lot of the time. He doesn't spend a lot of time at home, instead he's out... scheming. He's not cheating I... looked into that. And when he does come home, it's business like usual. Like... there's nothing wrong, like I'm expected to be okay with that bullshit and I'm... not. I dunno Ashe, I can't keep this up."

Ashe shifted in her spot, mulling it over. "Did it ever occur to you that... you don't have to keep it up?"

Right, this was the point she usually clammed up, if someone actually ever got this far. The only thing separating now from... any other time Varric tried to breach the subject, was that she wasn't in Kirkwall. For all she loved the city, it had such an oppressive aura. Or maybe she felt like she had to keep face, in order to hold her team together. For all of their time spent together, and while most of them did have a close friend in their immediate cohort, she knew most of them were there because years ago, she requested it. If she did anything to fracture the group, they'd go their separate ways and she'd be alone again. Probably. This was pure speculation but she believed it.

[Redd]

"I... I mean, I could but. At this point, I fear what the consequences might be. I'm... playing along to this deluded idea that maybe I'm keeping him in check. Maybe I'm the thing keeping him from doing an assortment of wild acrobatic maneuvers off the handle and straight into the deep end. You know what I'm saying?" she sighed, slumping forward, pulling her legs towards herself and propping her chin up on her knees. Ashe tilted her head quizzically, probably more at the phrasing rather than anything. "The spirit... gets annoyed if you get in the way of his goals. Causes blackouts, forcefully assumes control. So I stopped getting in the way, or so obviously getting in the way. But what if I'm the only reason why he's holding onto his... humanity?" Xenophobic connotations associated with the phrase were notwithstanding of course, Ashe would understand what she meant.

"Plus he's got like, that many enemies right now. I'd be throwing him to the wolves." she sat up and gave a hefty sigh, knowing full well that Ashe's sympathetic eyes were boring into the side of her head. Not... quite what she'd expected their post battle discussion to be, she'd be honest.

She knew this whole thing was wrong. Toxic. She'd known on some level and speaking it out loud and hearing someone new (sorry Varric) that she respected question the whole thing but... it had gone on for so long now.

[Redd]

She abruptly pulled herself to her feet, offering a hand down to Ashe. "Look, I'll do something about it. I promise. Just, not right now. I can’t. I can't put my finger on it but I keep getting this feeling that something horrible’s about to happen. I can feel it, it's the same feeling I got before the Qunari decided to overtake the city."

Ashe took the hand and brushed the clinging stray yellow grass off her pants. "Hey, hey, I wasn't saying do anything right now, I just... want you to be happy, y'know? Things have a way of working out and you can always come to Ostwick if Kirkwall isn't safe." she attempted to reassure her, but whether it worked was unknown. She held her gaze on Hawke for a little longer, before shifting her glance down to the ground. Her eyes passed over Hawke's leg injury, and that twinge of guilt came back. Right, that was something she could do. She could fix that at the very least.

She raised her fingers to her lips and let out a piercing whistle, acutely aware of the rogue next to her flinching back and swearing aggressively (in... Tevinter?). "C'mon, lets head on back. We should get your leg looked at by a healer, or we have a Circle in Ostwick if you wanted a mage? And then, you're staying for dinner. The estate cooks are great, you'll love their food." Ashe proudly stated, if only talking to fill the silence. Things would be okay. Korinne quickly composed herself and looked out across the horizon for the horses, Ashe's word's barely registering. "Hawke, I know you'll be fine. You'll make the right decision and do the right thing, whatever happens."

Ugh, she hated being referred to as just Hawke. That was more than enough to snap her back to reality. "Y-yeah. Let's hope so." Doing the right thing, that was never anything she was good at.

[Redd]

It had been dark, like this. Not a natural dark though, no stars twinkling in the sky, no cold, fresh breeze whipping across her face. The sky was full of smoke, blotting out the sun. The air was still, cloying and reeked of fire and blood. Around her, there had been chaos, people running, ashes and rubble falling from the sky. To her, it had been silent. There was nothing else but her and the man in front of her, kneeling. Her dagger was in her hand, though she had no recollection of ever pulling it out. The silence in her ears had given way to a low buzzing, her heart felt like it was being held in a vice.

A choked scream erupted from her throat. The dagger flew forward, as if it had a life of it's own, burying itself into the man's chest. Red bubbled beneath her palms, oozing over the surface of her skin. Suddenly, the world came back into focus.

The screams, the thundering crashes in the distance, demonic howls and magical energies crackling. And closer, cries and shouts from her friends, some more frantic than others, over what she'd just done.
And even closer, the soft ragged sighs of a dying man. His hand closed over hers, both covered in a sickly, thick red blood.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad it's you." Soft words through broken gasps. She couldn't bring herself to look up into his eyes. Instead, aqua eyes were trained on the wound, barely noticing anything beyond tears. "It was nice to be happy... for a while."

No. No no no, what had she done?

[Redd]

She blinked and through steady tears, the world came back into focus again, the echos of a repressed memory ringing in her ears. Korinne looked down at her hands, expecting to see red. Expecting to see his blood.

"Hawke!"

In a daze she briefly turned around, half expecting to see Kirkwall, again in flames but it was just the cold, grey snow on stone of Skywall and it wasn't Merrill calling, but Ashe, followed by others but she couldn't make them out.

Oh right.

She looked down, toes of her boots hanging over the edge of the chiseled grey stone, bottle in hand and swaying just a little bit. She supposed that wasn't a great look, huh.

[Redd]

Hands reached out, carefully guiding her off her perch and she was sure soft words were being spoken but the world was covered in that thick haze from before. Briefly, she became aware that they were moving her. Words like hypothermia and alcohol poisoning were uttered. Sound, feeling, thought were all muffled. Not that she really cared.

Eventually they stopped. Some left. She could feel warmth returning to her fingers, though it was doing nothing for the cold, heavy, suffocating feeling in her heart. Something was pushed into her hands and someone guided her hands up to her mouth. Warm, sweet liquid hit her tongue, rousing her more. Though her focus was immediately on the comforting drink, she began to be aware of her surroundings. Larger room, finely decorated, in front of a fireplace. Ashe was on a chair opposite, though the others weren't likely far. Only escape route was through a window but Maker knew how far down- that was not a relevant thought right now. She really did not know how to switch off did she?

"Thanks." she mumbled into the cup, if only out of habit.

"Haw- Kory." She changed halfway through, as if remembering her hate for the surname. The words were firm, stern. She could feel the concern in her words. Guilt twinged her thoughts. "You feeling okay?"

[Redd]

"Mm." Korinne managed a muffled hum, taking another sip, barely lifting her eyes from the interior of the cup. She knew the next question. She knew she couldn't maintain this bare minimum of composure if it was asked. Her breath caught in her throat and her hands started trembling.

Careful hands pried the cup from her grip and placed it somewhere else, she couldn't see, didn't want to look. "Kory... why... were you up there?"

Korinne bit her lip, trying, desperately begging herself to not fall prey to the panic that was starting to climb. "I- I..." she stammered, now focusing on her hands, raising them up to her face to inspect them. She could imagine the blood on them. She hadn't forgotten. She wanted desperately to forget but the blood kept coming back.

"I killed him. I killed him Ashe." she sobbed, fresh tears welling up. She drew her legs in toward her, and rested her forehead against her knees so she couldn't see her face. Korinne hadn't forgotten or gotten over it. She'd been desperately throwing herself at problems and now... there were none left.

"Hey hey, it's okay." Ashe tried to soothe, and Korinne could hear her shift in her seat, either to move towards her or look for someone else. "You did what you had to-"

[Redd]

"No. What if I didn't? What if I did the wrong thing? He could have just... come with us. Helped fix the problem. Instead I fucking killed him." she spat bitterly, looking at her hands again, before balling her hands into fists, nails biting into her palms. "I fixed nothing. I did what I always do, what I'm best at. Ruining my own goddamn life. I thought... I thought I could help you. Help the damned Inquisition. It'd... I don't know, redeem me. Hah, fat load of good that did me. I feel no better. I threw away my only chance at being happy, just because I was a little bit angry." She opened her palms again, small spots of blood springing up from where nails dug too deep.

"But... I... didn't you say it was going bad and you were going to do something about it?" Ashe tentatively asked, aware of Korinne's mood right now and how prone she was to anger.

It seemed to have the opposite effect though. Korinne sniffed and made a forceful show of wiping away tears, though it was in vain. Instead, she gave up and sunk deep into her knees again, hunched over and gaze trained on the fire. "I 'unno." Her shoulders twitched in a simple shrug. "Probably. Coulda worked somethin' out though. He did what he did, maybe his purpose would have been fulfilled and we could move on in a constructive way. Dunno, because I killed him." She lifted her head, training eyes on Ashe. "-And you should kill me."

[Redd]

Ashe visibly recoiled in her seat, fear briefly crossing her face, realisation following that. "Kory, why were you up there?" she repeated, more firmly this time.

Her heartbeat quickened, though she couldn't recall why. She raised her shoulders defensively and sunk into the chair further. "I know what I am being accused of. Releasing an ancient magister. Accessory to terrorism. Whatever you'd call bringing red lyrium to the surface. Hell, throw in deserting, murder, petty theft, grand larceny and you've got a pretty solid case for a trial. I did a lot of bad things Ashe. You can't disguise that." she growled back, eyes flat.

Ashe merely shrugged. "So? You brought justice-" Oh boy, that was not the correct word to use. "- to a insane Knight-Commander and assisted the Inquisition. Your actions made the conflict in Kirkwall resolve sooner rather than later. You saved Kirkwall from a renegade Arishok. Your ledger's practically clear, as far as I see it."

Korinne got up and closed the distance between them in an instant, hands grabbing at Ashe's jacket. "Please, I begged you to let me take on The Nightmare for a reason. I have nothing left." she pleaded, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

[Redd]

A hand fell on her shoulder, gently prying her off Ashe. "Come back home with me Hawke, back to Kirkwall. Help me rebuild the city. The people need their champion back." Korinne flicked a glance backwards to Varric, more guilt sinking her heart. The dwarf himself seemed to be putting on a brave show, despite there being fear behind his eyes. It was all so very simple for her to see the nuances in his face. Frown lines creased around his forehead and eyes, eyes slightly wider than usual and quick to respond to small movements and underneath the casual half-smile, his chest betrayed breaths, shallow and quick.

Small things she'd learned, on how to read a person. She never could do it intuitively, she had to pick out specific details.

She slumped back and let go, falling back to rest on her knees. "Kirkwall?" she responded, despondent. "Does it still stand? The Maker forsook it, didn't he?"

[Redd]

"It's... rough, but their willing to rebuild. Once it's all sorted here, I'm going back. With a bit of direction, she'll be back to her old self in no time." Varric again gave a nonchalant shrug, the kind he gave when he clearly wasn't buying into her usual brand of self-pity. Though that was usually in jest.

"What makes you think the people there won't be so quick to forgive? They'll want a trial. The templars surely haven't forgiven." she mumbled, half to herself, fingers fidgeting and playing with the hem of her shirt.

"If I may, I think most of them respect you." Another voice cut through, offering a rebuttal. Cullen carefully picked his way through the room and placed himself behind the chair Ashe was sitting in, resting his palms on her shoulders. "The corrupt ones won't see that, but the ones you helped? And I'm sure with an official pardon or some statement from the Inquisition...?" He gave a pointed look at Ashe who nodded in agreement.

[Redd]

Korinne slumped back, eyes still not leaving the red shirt hem. It was tempting in some respects. Kirkwall was hers. They'd been through a lot, and she knew the city and her moods like the back of her hand. She knew of the open dangers of Darktown, how to navigate the twisted, derelict mine, how to avoid the toxic fog and chokedamp. She knew where to buy illicit goods and who to avoid. There would be... certain places she knew she'd have to avoid, should they still stand.

She knew Lowtown the best, having lived there the longest and that's where most of her work came from. Between the city elves and the refugees missing home, it was the one splash of color in an otherwise oppressing grey and stormy city. It was now she was reminded of how much she missed the Hanged Man, if it still stood.

And Hightown, probably the most destroyed part of Kirkwall, if she recalled that correctly. That's where the Chantry was. Her family home was there too, she knew that still remained. The Viscount's Keep was there too with... Aveline. For a city that was designed to be outright oppressive in nature, she felt a certain connection to it. It was hers, she'd protected it and helped it's people for years. She... was their Champion. Right?

Huh, maybe there was more left to the city than she originally thought.

[Redd]

"It might just be easier to release her into your custody Varric, or your Captain of the Guard?" Ashe was starting to say, if just to break the silence. "If you think that's the better option. If Hawke truly feels the need to atone, phrase it like community service to the people-"

"Alright, alright. I'll go. Maker's breath." Korinne growled, finally getting the room in focus again. "I'll go of my own volition, Aveline'll like it too much if I was under her custody and I don't think I'd be able to tolerate her gloating." 

"Right, well. Isabela's offered to take us across the Waking Sea once the formalities are sorted so, we'll at least have some of the old gang back together, right?" Varric happily exclaimed, rubbing his palms together. "Speaking of, I'll go find her and tell her the good news, if she's sober enough to understand." 

As he was leaving, Cullen spoke up, "Tell her there's two more coming as well. May as well assess the city and see if we can help, right?" Another pointed look at Ashe.

[Redd]

"Y-yeah!" Ashe flicked a glance between the group, trying to keep up with the conversation. Her face softened with some realisation. "Right, you lived there for a long time too. We can send some people that way to help out after."

Korinne finally, and with a great deal of drunken effort, heaved herself to her feet. This... was Ashe's room. She did not need to be here any more. "Kay, so this was fun and all but I'm... going to get some air." she stated, starting to make her way towards the door, arm trailing along the wall for support.

"Kory, I-"

"I'm fine. Just need sleep. Don't worry your head Lady, ain't gonna do anything dumb, swear on Andraste." she mumbled, waving a hand dismissively.

[Redd]

She had to run to make it. Korinne's sides heaved as she hung over the edge of the balcony. She made a frustrated whine and wiped her mouth, trying to remove the bitter taste of bile. Too much alcohol or stress, she couldn't pinpoint what set it off but it had removed that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and that fuzzy feeling in her head, leaving her only with clear panic.

What... had she just agreed to? 

Going back to Kirkwall? That was just... downright ridiculous. She fled to escape the ghosts of her past. 
Fereldan couldn't be her home. Though the scars of the Fifth Blight were beginning to heal, she'd lived in many of the major towns. When she crossed the country with the Inquisition, all she saw were ghosts of her family. Her parents old homes. The places they used to hide Bethany and her father from the Templars. The places she fought, stole and killed for scraps of food and small change to keep her family fed. The scraps of her quickly abandoned childhood, the places of her torture and the ghost of now dead past lovers and companions.