[MillietheWarrior]

“Seriously. You know who I am. They paid you to do this. Why don’t you give me your friggin' name first before I hobble over there and kick it out of you,” I growled back, making a swinging motion with my hurt leg, as though I’d be using it to actually kick her ass. I didn’t know if I could take on some chick in full body armor, but I would damn well try.

[MillietheWarrior]

I hadn’t actually been expecting the woman to laugh, but she did. It was a shock, to say the least. I stared at her like she’d grown an extra head, and she just chortled in what I assumed was a ‘merry’ way, holding her stomach lightly with the hand that wasn’t pointing a gun at me. That friggin' thing was making me nervous.

“You certainly have spirit…And you aren’t afraid of me. I honestly don’t know who you’re talking about; I wasn’t paid to do anything, and I really don’t know who you are. Obviously, you’re not from around here. Yet, you know what Mando’a is. Very odd.”

[MillietheWarrior]

I scoffed, scowling at her in what I hoped was a convincingly pissed off way. In truth, I was so friggin' confused, I don’t think I could’ve told you which way was up and which was down. “What the hell do I have to be afraid of? Look, lady. I just want to get home, so if you could just tell me who the hell put you up to this, I’ll be happy to get on my crippled-ass way.”

The woman chuckled again, and I saw her lower her blaster and place it back in her holster. Okay…Was that a good sign? I didn’t even know if the damn thing was real, but it still made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t even tell which way she was going to go next. This whole thing was…creepy. Whoever set it up had gone to great lengths, and really wanted to screw with my head.

[MillietheWarrior]

The woman shifted and reached up to unclasp her helmet. I heard a faint hissing noise and a ‘pop’ as she unclasped it and lifted it from her head. Her hair was a deep chestnut, and she had small, vivid red beads scattered through the multiple braids. Something about her seemed so familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. Had she come by the diner at some point? Maybe I’d seen her at the bar I played with my band at….I wasn’t sure.

“I’m Parja Bralor,” she said slowly, as if testing the waters. “And you, my friend, are coming with me.”

Holy crap.

Holy…crap!

“Holy crap.”

[MillietheWarrior]

Parja tilted her head, probably wondering why the hell I was gaping at her like a friggin’ fish out of water. I lifted my hand and pointed, my mouth working silently, but no sound coming out. And then…

I laughed.

I damn well laughed like the dumbass I was, and she just stood there, staring at me like I’d just kicked a puppy and beat an old woman at the same time. She half withdrew her blaster again, her helmet clipped to her belt, and seemed to be debating on whether or not she should just shoot me there and be done with this. I could barely see this through the tears in me eyes.

[MillietheWarrior]

I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I was bent over, holding my sides and gasping, strangled, squeaking noises escaping my lips that made me look like a bigger idiot than I was. “That…” I managed. “Was the craping funniest thing I’ve ever heard!”

She was not impressed by that. Her arms lifted to fold over her chest, and she stared at me. “What the shab is so funny?” she growled, her tone demanding an explanation.

I only laughed harder, clutching my chest as I attempted to regain some kind of control over my lungs. “Ha, ha! You’re so…you think you’re actually…I can’t believe…You’re craping crazy!” I wheezed finally, nearly collapsing against the tree. When I found out who set this up, I wasn’t sure if I was going to kick them or shake their hand. It was seriously clever.

[MillietheWarrior]

“Anyways,” I continued, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere with you, lady. I’m going the crap home. I wash my hands of this weirdness.”

I turned, using the tree as a bracing point and intent on hobbling as far as I could until I made it to something that resembled civilization, when I heard hurried footsteps behind me, and was suddenly yanked backwards by a strong grip. My guitar case was ripped from my back, and my arm was wrenched behind me. I managed a strangled cry of pain, before I found my wrists bound together with…what the crap was that? Rope? This crazy delusion was getting out of hand. Whoever had set it up was a psycho, and it was…starting to frighten me.

[MillietheWarrior]

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I screeched, only to be about-faced without my consent, and marched (Or herded. I don’t know which) back through the trees from where the stranger had appeared. I could feel her grip on my upper arm, forcing me to use her as a crutch as I was heralded along like a hog-tied cow.

“Sorry, but I can’t just let you wander off. You’re already too close for comfort…and there’s no telling what you’ve seen.” Her face was suddenly beside mine, and she smiled artlessly in a ‘don’t-crap-with-me’ way. “We’ll have to figure out what to do with you back home.”

Ha, ha…Oh, yeah. I was so royally craped.

---

[MillietheWarrior]

I had been practically dragged through some shitty terrain, and the woman didn’t seem to give a good golly crap about my ankle. She just hauled me along, my guitar case slung over her back, and didn’t even seem bothered by the fact that I was more than unwilling to go along with her. She wasn’t screwing around when she said she was ‘taking me home.’ I thought it was some weird metaphor for offing me, but apparently, she really was taking me to her home. Or…whatever the heck that thing in front of me was.

It looked like a giant turtle sticking out of the ground. I’d never seen a house like that, but then, I’d never met a Mandalorian before either. I was beginning to think that this wasn’t a joke, and it scared the hell out of me.

[MillietheWarrior]

The woman still had a firm grip on my arm, and hauled me to a stop just in front of the home. I was seriously wondering if I could get a cheap shot in and run like hell, when the door opened.

“Parja?”

I was starting to get creeped out now. The man that stepped out of the door wobbled dangerously, using what looked like a spear for balance. His face was a schooling of confusion and concentration as he kept his gaze on the ground. He seemed to be focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.

[MillietheWarrior]

His hair. His eyes. His skin. His voice.

Everything was familiar, and I realized why with a sudden jolt as his eyes lifted to find mine: he was a clone.

No. Friggin‘. Way.

Someone had gone to seriously million dollar lengths to screw with my head, or I just fell into some weird freaky portal that led into the world of Star Wars. Oh yeah, you sick bastards. I‘ve read the fan fiction. I know what this bull crap entails. At the moment, I was sincerely hoping it wasn’t the latter, because I so did not need that level of weirdness right now.

[MillietheWarrior]

The woman who was supporting me instantly let go of my arm and moved towards the man, and without my ‘crutch’ I immediately tottered and fell. I landed with a resounding ‘thud’ in the dirt, groaning under my breath as ‘Parja’ seemed to realize what she’d done. She quickly turned back with a look of surprise, as if wondering why I hadn’t been able to stand up, before seeming to remember my ankle was twisted.

“Sorry,” she said gruffly, as she moved to haul me to my feet. My God! That woman was like the damn Hulk! The man behind her was peering anxiously over her shoulder, gripping the spear tightly and leaning lightly against it.

[MillietheWarrior]

Once I’d been righted and dusted off like I was a dirty piece of clothing, the woman once more took a firm hold of my arm and dragged me in the house. I caught a brief flash of worry working it’s way onto the man’s face, as if he couldn’t quite figure out why he should be worried, before he was following us unsteadily inside.

I was slammed down into a chair at a large table, my hands still bound behind my back and my ankle throbbing. “Aw, crap!” I hissed. “Geeze, lady. Handle with care…Or at least don’t throw me around like I’m a sack of damn potatoes, all right? I am a human being, you know!”

[MillietheWarrior]

‘Parja’ had the civility to look somewhat chastened, and seemed to acknowledge my words as she sat across from me. The man from before pulled up a chair at her side, looking between us with a confused stare. He seemed unaware of what was going on, but then, I was in the same boat, so I didn’t have much sympathy for him at the moment.

I leaned forward, my chest pressing into the table, and glowered at the woman. “You wanna tell me who the crap put all this together and who you guys are? If this is some weird, twisted kidnapping scheme, I’m going to tell you right now, I’m not worth shit to anyone, and I don’t have any money. If you let me go now, I won’t call the cops, and I’ll forget this ever happened.”

[MillietheWarrior]

‘Parja’ seemed genuinely taken aback by this, and looked somewhat concerned for a brief moment, before the concern was replaced with the same hard look from before. She actually seemed confused, like she really had no idea what was going on…And that frightened me all over again. What if this really as some weird trippy portal thing? What if it wasn’t some elaborate prank or kidnapping scheme? If it wasn’t, I was in deep shit.

“Look, kid. I don’t know what the shab your talking about. Just tell me your name and why and how you got here, and maybe I won’t beat the osik out of you for giving me so much kriffing lip. All right?” She was growling softly, her hands folded on the table in front of her. The man still seemed lost, but said absolutely nothing as his gaze strayed to and riveted on me.