[crow]

“The barrister had some kind of... psychic resonance, as far as I could tell, when he met me. It turns out he... These were made from a person, Lark.” Ah, so that was what that expression was. She hadn't been able to place it before, but now she knew: he looked haunted. “There's a piece of someone's soul in here, and that's what gives it... That's how we do what we do.”

Larkin should probably have felt more afflicted by this news than she was. He expected her to be, perhaps. That had been one of their problems early on--- their expectations for each other varied too wildly, and neither met much of the other's. Both had, for the most part, learned their lessons by now. But evidently this was so horrifying to him that he thought she might be horrified too.

[crow]

She could read it in his eyes, watching her. She gave the shard in her hand a long, considering look.

Larkin was not a good person. She knew that. She didn't make any pretensions to being one either, and figured that that should have been enough. If it wasn't, it didn't matter; everyone was selfish in the end so no one was good--- some just hurt others less. In the same vein, some hid their selfishness better, be it from themselves or from others. For better or for worse, she had no illusions about herself in that regard. There might have been one person in the world she wouldn't sell out, given the right price. Maybe. And even with Ezzy, sometimes it had been sorely tempting.

[crow]

She didn't know what the shard meant to him, but to her it was the epitome of freedom. She could go wherever she wanted, do whatever she wanted, and when things got out of hand, she could check out of this realm and move on. She could gloss over her mistakes, go back and pick up the treasures that she'd missed. It was like her cheat code to life. And she had been travelling this way, with and without him, for such a long time that she wasn't sure she could ever give it up anymore.

She'd seen addiction, seen the way her father deluded himself with tales of wealth and grandeur and how he'd sank into alcohol when that didn't pan out. It hadn't been her intention to wind up there herself, but maybe it ran in the family.

[crow]

All of these thoughts passed through her mind as he watched her. Softly, she said, “What about it? What do you want me to say?” He paused, then searched her face. For a long moment, Larkin thought he might chastise her or... something, but in the end, he only looked away and out the window.

“Well, it's just that I don't think he was very happy about it. I think whoever's in here must have been in pain.” He looked at his own shard and the shadows around his eyes deepened. It wasn't the admonishment she had been expecting, but she still didn't like the look of it. He wasn't going to do the mysterious angst thing, but he seemed determined to dwell on it regardless.

[crow]

There were a lot of things Larkin could have done in that moment. She could have left him to figure it out himself. That was a thing that she could do. Or she could try that whole contemplate-our-navels bit Ezzy liked so much and get some fake philosophical nonsense going, but he didn't need that kind of encouragement. She could get mad, and yell at him for what he was expecting from her... or what she thought he was expecting. That would be easy. Don't you know better by now? I'm not like you! She could put on a big ol' show, maybe cry a little. Crocodile tears were a proud part of her skill repertoire. What she did do is roll her eyes and snort, so abruptly that he looked up, and some of the shadows were chased away by surprise for a moment. There was her opportunity.

[crow]

“So you're telling me... what? You met some crackpot who opened up a coffee shop on top of a mountain. He saw you, or saw your shard; lost his marbles and raved a bit; and now suddenly our powers are fuelled by dead baby tears or something?” Larkin did her best to sound completely dismissive. It wasn't hard to make his story sound ridiculous. It was hard enough to swallow as it was, but the way she told it made an absurdity out of the whole deal.

“The souls of a lost race,” he corrected, but his expression was a little doubtful now. Good, she was getting to him. She sighed dramatically, stood up and put her arm around his shoulders.

“Ezzy, honey,” she said. “One of these days someone is going to con you blind, you know that?”

[crow]

“So you keep telling me,” Esmond said. She couldn't read his expression when he spoke, but in the pause that followed, he had that look, as if he was thinking. She braced herself. A few of their bigger mishaps had started with that look. “But... shouldn't we investigate?” he burst out, turning to her. “We should get to the bottom of this. Maybe he was a lunatic. That would probably be for the best. But... don't you want to know?”

No, I'm afraid of what I might find out, she thought. About the shard? Or about myself? Either way, it wasn't going to be pleasant. There were some things that, curiosity or no, were best left alone.

[crow]

She didn't think it was curiosity motivating Esmond. He'd want to know for the sake of morality. When Esmond went back in time, it was to right a wrong he hadn't known about the first time around.

“No,” she said quietly. “I'm not curious. But if you're determined to find out, then I'll go with you.” She didn't even pretend to be jovial anymore. There was no longer any point. If he was hurt by it, well, that was his lot. If they didn't like what they found...

[crow]

... But she'd been looking out for him for too long. When his face fell, she found that she had a smile to tack on after all, even if it was a small, weary one. “Someone has to look after you,” she said, ruffling his hair. He looked up at her through his mussed-up fringe and smiled back.

Wasn't this how it always went anyway? She'd gotten him into plenty of nonsense herself.

But this might really be the end of things, she thought, and her own smile got a little harder to bear. She didn't know if she was ready for that. She and Ezzy would still have each other, and she could still travel, but...

Well, he could be wrong. For her own sake, and even for his, she hoped he was wrong.