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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/11/2018 2:51 PM

Young-soo held as tight as he could to Chan-ho, before he realized all at once that he was being pushed off. He cursed as Chan-ho shoved him, catching himself with a hand on the concrete even as Chan-ho's hands trailed his arms. God, he looked a mess. He looked a terrible mess, like he could throw up or pass out at any moment. Young-soo's heart ached with anger and concern and something even harsher, even deeper that he didn't care to place right then. All he knew was that he needed to get Chan-ho somewhere warm and dry.

But Chan-ho seemed to have other plans. Young-soo hadn't gotten a single half-formed word out before he felt Chan-ho grab at his clothes, heard the tinny sound of a bottle being knocked over even above the sound of the rain. And then, heat. So much heat in a brief second, his only warning sign before their mouths crashed into each other. Chan-ho's lips felt cold compared to the warmth of that breath on his lips.

He let himself fall into it, unthinking. His hands gripped Chan-ho's sides, encircled the boy's back and ran along the soaking fabric of his shirt. He needed to warm him up. That was the one conscious thought in his mind as he tried to hold Chan-ho closer, closer, the taste of alcohol strong on Young-soo's own tongue now. When they broke apart, it was as if the sound of the rain had stopped, silenced for Chan-ho to speak.

Those words set his body alive with fire. "Yes," he whispered, on instinct, beck and call, eager--and then, reason blanketed his eyes, the desire flickering out of his expression immediately. "I mean--fuck... no, no man, you're so fucking drunk and we gotta get you out of this rain. I was so worried--no, never mind, just come on," he whispered, forcing himself to act, not talk. He tried to loop one of Chan-ho's arms around his neck, his knees wobbling (god, even drunk, Chan-ho could kiss him blind and dumb) as he tried to stand with the other boy. For a brief moment, sensations from that night pulled at his consciousness. Again, the heat. Again, the eagerness. The rain pelted at the memory, washing it out and filling it with cold water and static noise.

"I have a car, down on the street. We'll fuck there. Just come on," he whispered, repeating the phrase, a pleading note in his voice--whether he was lying or not, not even he knew. At this point he would say anything just to get Chan-ho to safety. He should've brought towels. Why would he have brought towels? He hadn't checked the forecast before leaving, but everything seemed stupid and unplanned right then. Young-soo felt useless, the triumph of having found Chan-ho in such a place was gone before it had been noticed. "Please, Chan-ho... please."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/11/2018 8:10 PM

Yes. It was all Chan-ho needed. He was already leaning in for another kiss, his lips grazing Young-soo's--- he felt the shape of No, against his mouth. Chan-ho blinked, easing back again, and watched the passion flicker out of Young-soo's eyes. The world tilted dangerously, and his grip around Young-soo tightened with the desperation of a man clinging to a lifeline out at sea.

But then Young-soo kept talking, and relief sapped all tension from Chan-ho's body as he nodded, limp and boneless. "A car. Okay. Okay, I can do that," he said, eager to sound obliging. Young-soo had to nearly drag him down the slope of the hill while Chan-ho leaned heavily on him, pressing their bodies together. Chan-ho couldn't help it. He wasn't sure he could have walked on his own if he tried.




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/11/2018 11:41 PM

As they started off, Young-soo allowed himself one glance back at the spot, tinted with many strange memories now. Chan-ho's emptying bottle lay there on the pavement, beneath the railing, its contents mixing with rainwater and running into the grass.

At least Chan-ho wasn't letting go. Young-soo counted his blessings as he half dragged Chan-ho down the stairs, precarious and slippery from the rain. If they fell, it would suck so fucking bad. It would suck even more than the rest of this situation.

"Almost there," he murmured, just to hear a voice, to hear himself talk in the deafening rain. What a downpour--it was all so ridiculous, truly. It felt like hours before they reached the bottom, though it must've been been less than one, and when the car came into view, Chan-ho felt a little lighter in his hold. He picked up the pace.

Keeping Chan-ho supported with one arm, he fished into his pocket for the key and unlocked the car. He hefted Chan-ho as well as he could into the back seat, but the other boy's tight hold on him sent him pitching forward with a breathless curse, rain still pelting on his lower half as water dripped from his hair down onto the seat and Chan-ho's forehead. He stared for a moment at the boy in his shadow, then made a kind of frustrated growl, pushing the both of them further into the car and managing to yank the door closed behind him. Fine. Backseat was good enough, at least to dry off. "You forget how to check text messages? Huh?" he muttered softly, unable to muster an ounce of venom. Relief still ached in his chest, too soft for proper irritation. "God, you scared me, man..."

He grunted, trying to pull away from Chan-ho's hold. "Alright... alright. Off. We're soaked and it's cold in here. Lemme turn on the heat or something."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/12/2018 3:27 AM

Chan-ho wasn't really aware of the passage of time. Things seemed to fade in and out, and even his sense of touch felt a little vague sometimes. He kept bumping into Young-soo on the way down, sometimes because he stumbled, and sometimes just to reassure himself that Young-soo was still there. Eventually he realized they'd stopped. His eyes wouldn't focus. The car was just another shape in the dark, and then he was falling--- but that was fine. He pulled Young-soo down with him, and for the first time that night, with Young-soo's silhouette looming over him, Chan-ho felt as though he could finally breathe.

He groaned softly, the sound of it bitten off at the end, when Young-soo shoved him into the car. Young-soo was talking, and Chan-ho knew he probably should have listened, but the words echoed meaninglessly, just another noise melding into the throbbing ache in his head.

He reached up, running one hand down the slope of Young-soo's back. Propping himself up with his other arm, he pressed a kiss to Young-soo's jaw. His hand found the jut of Young-soo's hip and stayed there as Chan-ho trailed kisses down his neck, sucking gently at the skin. "I want," he said, but the words were slipping away from them faster than he could speak them. "I need this..." His vision swam, so he closed his eyes. Young-soo tasted like rain, like salt, familiar and strange all at once. Chan-ho shivered again, and tried again to drag them closer with a small, wordless, desperate noise.




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/12/2018 3:43 AM

He'd managed to press the power button and activate the heater, but Chan-ho's mouth against his skin was horrendously distracting. Hands, lips, and that damn voice... Young-soo felt too tight in his own pants, and it was infuriating for a number of reasons. "Stop," he muttered softly, trying to get a hand between his neck and Chan-ho's lips before he fell victim to his own desires.

"Stop it!" Young-soo hissed, keeping his voice down, quiet in the car. The whir of the heater was almost lost in the sound of rain pelting the car windows, as Young-soo attempted to press a hand over Chan-ho's mouth. "You're wasted off your ass and you don't want or need this, got it?" Young-soo's expression tightened, his heart clenching around his own words as he tried to sit up, his hand moving to grip Chan-ho's at his hip and pull it off. He held fast to it, though, didn't let go of the other boy's hand just yet. He took a deep breath in, mentally centering himself, and let it out slowly. "I lied about the sex. We're not doing that again." He winced, cutting his eyes away to the dashboard of the car. "At least... not while you're this drunk. Not until we've... talked. God, it sounds so fucking trivial now that I'm saying it."

He stared at their joined hands for a moment, then leaned back against the door of the car, staring at Chan-ho's face in the dark. "This whole business has to stop, you know... KUN-A's gonna fucking die if you keep this up." Young-soo's expression faltered for a moment, and he swallowed around his own pride. "If either of us keeps this up..."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/12/2018 4:17 AM

It took Young-soo shoving him away for Chan-ho to come back to himself, even a little. His eyes snapped open, and for a moment he could only lie there, blinking and numb with shock. Then, finally, Young-soo's words sank in, and the tension in his body went slack. "You.." Chan-ho shook his head slowly, trying to marshal his thoughts, but it felt as though he were wading through water.

Young-soo had said no. Young-soo had lied.

"You--- You wanted this," said Chan-ho, stumbling over the words. His tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth. Everything was too slow. "That's why you said... all those things..." All warmth deserted him, replaced with the chill of dread, sinking bone-deep as his breathing quickened. His chest burned with the beginnings of panic. "I can--- I can do it, I don't... You don't need to do anything. It'll be good." I'll be good. His eyes were wide, and the look in them was one of desperation. "Please."




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/12/2018 4:32 AM

Young-soo's expression leered when Chan-ho's posture changed, bracing himself as if expecting a storm. Instead, Chan-ho's mutterings were halting, clumsy, vulnerable. The rawness of them, the desperate edge, was contagious. "Don't fucking tell me about what I did and didn't want," he snarled, pitching forward to get on his knees and loom over the other boy, trying to get a look at his face. "Maybe I can't take a joke, or a prank, but at least I know when to fucking quit."

His eyes flickered as he watched Chan-ho's expression go wild with panic. The anger roiling inside of him seemed not to fizzle, but to sharpen, his harsh words falling soft and breathy in whispered curse as he instinctively grabbed at Chan-ho's forearms. "Chan-ho," he whispered, leaning in close, his eyes intense with focus. "Chan-ho, look at me. Look at me for a goddamn second..." Something ached in his voice, on that last word. He licked his lips, breathing through his mouth with a rising worry, until finally he leaned in and scooped an arm behind Chan-ho's back, pressing his body down firmly against Chan-ho's shaking form. "I've got you," he whispered, squeezing Chan-ho tight, bracing himself up with his other arm pressed into the leather seat of the car. "Just breathe for a second. That's all you have to do for me, man."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/12/2018 5:21 AM

Chan-ho flinched again. Whatever dam had been holding his feelings in check felt like it was breaking. Something was breaking, surely. His chest flared hot and then cold as Young-soo hugged him close, his voice gentle now, but somehow that was worse, and it was all--- It was too much. Worse than the anger, Young-soo had given over to pity. Chan-ho had become a pitiful thing. Shame rolled in and mingled with everything else. He felt his throat close up, his eyes prickling with the hot sting of--- and Young-soo was too close, and--- No. No, no, he--- he had to---

He struggled out of Young-soo's grip, flailing artlessly, no longer mindful of whether he hurt Young-soo or himself. He had to--- He had to get away, he couldn't stop--- He fumbled for the car door, his fingers slipping, scrabbling. They found purchase, and Chan-ho didn't so much exit the car as spill out of it front-first. He threw out his arms to catch himself and let out a cry of pain as they collided with the unforgiving asphalt, scraping raw and bloody. Staggering to his feet, he lurched forward a few steps before his balance deserted him and he fell back down, braced on all fours, chest heaving.

It was too much. His abdomen clenched sharply. It was the only warning he had before the retching began.

The cocktail of drinks burned worse coming up, mixed with acid and spittle. There was nothing else. He'd been drinking on an empty stomach, and now he was beginning to wonder if he would live to regret it. It felt as if he were merely a conduit now for the waves of convulsions in his gut, which continued heedless of whether he was able to bear the pain. His throat felt as though it were being seared. He coughed, struggling to breathe, then retched again.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that. When it was over, he sagged listlessly, all the strength gone from his limbs. He was breathing hard. His vision swam, but he no longer had the will to keep himself upright. He was so tired. It was so much easier to just... to just...




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/12/2018 9:12 PM

Young-soo hadn't entirely expected his attempt to soothe Chan-ho to work, but he hadn't expected a reaction like that. One of Chan-ho's hands had collided just right with his nose, enough to make him let go, and before he could fully recover himself Chan-ho was out the door and stumbling away. Young-soo cursed a streak and tore after him, hearing Chan-ho's cry over the rain. It actually seemed to be lessening a little, and Young-soo was certainly counting his blessings. He'd run up, ready to throw his arms around the other boy's waist to pull him back into the car, but before he could reach Chan-ho, he was vomiting the contents of that night's alcoholic binge onto the ground. He cursed again, avoiding the spillage, staring wide-eyed and almost afraid at Chan-ho's shaking form.

Act. Act, don't stand there. Young-soo would later thank his inner voice for spurring him forward to hook an arm under Chan-ho before the boy could fall into his own sick. He was limp--passed out, and somehow, Young-soo counted himself lucky. He briefly considered calling a hospital for alcohol poisoning, but he didn't really know how much Chan-ho had drank--given he'd been awake and aware enough moments before, Young-soo decided he wouldn't risk it (calling an ambulance would involve giving out identities, and frankly, the idea of this getting back to their manager was a frightening one). He eyed the bloodied skin of Chan-ho's palms and hissed through his teeth as he hefted Chan-ho's dead weight back to the car. He placed him in the back seat, taking off his own jacket and rolling it up to place underneath the back of Chan-ho's head. The night was cold and wet, but the rain was slowing down.

He was exhausted, falling asleep at the wheel, but following his phone's GPS was a godsend. After almost nodding off twice, he put on some music on the radio, rubbing at his eyes and moving away from his GPS as soon as he recognized his surroundings. He dialed Hyun-jin's number, praying that the call would wake him up, if he wasn't already awake. The clock read close to three, and at this point he wasn't sure he had the wherewithal to carry Chan-ho up the stairs to the dorms.

When the receiver picked up, Young-soo's voice was shaky with emotional relief. "I found him," he mumbled, clearing his throat. "Don't freak. He's gonna need bandages and... probably some food that's easy on his stomach... and it'd be fantastic if you could just... make everyone else scarce for a little while."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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zapdragon555
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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/13/2018 4:20 AM

The clock ticked over to 3 AM. Everyone in the dorm was awake.

Hyun-jin sat at one of the chairs beside the kitchen table, staring at the phone. Jae was seated on the couch next to Ji-sung, playing a game on his phone, but it was clear from the way he kept glancing toward the kitchen that he was distracted. TK sat cross-legged on the floor, hugging one of his plus-sized bunny dolls, staring fixedly at Hyun-jin's phone on the table, as if he could somehow make it start ringing by sheer force of will.

He was the only one who didn't startle when the call finally came.

Hyun-jin nearly fumbled the phone in his rush to answer it. "Hello?" he said. TK was at his side immediately, one small hand gripping Hyun-jin's shoulder hard enough to hurt. "Young-soo? Where--- Okay. Okay... Alright. I can do that," he said. Before he could say anything else, the line dropped dead, and he lowered the phone slowly, to find six pairs of eyes fixed on him.

"Did he find Chan-ie hyung?" said TK. Hyun-jin nodded, and the relief in the room was palpable. TK's hold loosened just slightly, then fell away as Hyun-jin rose to his feet.

"Min-hyuk, do you remember where the first aid kit is?" Hyun-jin said as he opened up the cupboards, picking out the containers of microwavable porridge. There were two left. Convenience store food wasn't ideal, but from the sound of it, Hyun-jin didn't know whether he'd have time to make some new. It would have to do.



Hyun-jin rushed downstairs, still dressed in his sleep clothes, as soon as the intercom went off. "Is everything okay?" he asked. The other boys had stayed inside the dorm at his suggestion, purportedly because it would be too much of a ruckus for them all to come pouring out at this hour, but in reality, mostly because Hyun-jin didn't know what state Chan-ho was in. He had already seemed out of sorts earlier in the day, and everything that Young-soo said just made Hyun-jin expect the worst.

He took in the car and Young-soo's drenched form, wide-eyed and speechless. But then a lifetime of looking after his juniors set in, and wordlessly, he went to help Young-soo carry an unconscious Chan-ho up the stairs.




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/13/2018 4:48 AM

Young-soo never thought he would be so relieved to see someone. It admittedly rivaled the relief he'd felt when he found Chan-ho, but without the fear. "Thanks," he croaked out, his voice a bit shot, as they managed to carry Chan-ho up to the dorms without too much trouble. He'd assumed the dorm would be empty, as per his request, but then again, perhaps that wasn't the case. It was more than he should've asked for, at almost four in the morning.

Instead, they were greeted with the whole group. Ji-sung's eyes widened at the state of them both, unconsciously sinking further into the couch to avoid the ghastly appearance before he hurriedly thought better of it and stood up to see better. Min-hyuk had been fiddling with the first aid kit, as per Hyun-jin's request, but he too looked a bit too startled to move right then.

"Holy shit," Nathan murmured from his spot against the wall, the first sound in the room since the door opened, and Young-soo let out a shaky, tense exhale, hating their eyes on them. On Chan-ho. A little decency would've been appreciated.

"Yeah... yeah. Just chill out. Everyone's alive," Young-soo muttered, jerking his head slightly for Hyun-jin to walk with him towards the beds and away from the crowded common room. "Nothing to see here..."

"I-I'm glad you two are... safe?" Ji-sung tried, wincing at the look that Young-soo shot him, which solidified into a glare as Young-soo glanced at Jae.

Min-hyuk seemed to finally spring back to life, and he nervously gathered up all the materials he'd displaced back into the kit, taking the whole thing in his hands and hurrying after the trio. "W-w-what's, um... what's he need? W-we've got... uh..." he dithered, stammering horribly, his voice very soft in the quiet room. As much as he wanted to, it was hard for Young-soo to get annoyed with Min-hyuk, annoying as he was being right then. He honest to god just wanted to sleep. "Oh gosh, he smells like... a-alcohol...?"

"Shove it," Young-soo hissed sharply, making Min-hyuk stiffen and pale, slinking over to Hyun-jin's side with a worried knit in his thin brows. "Just... get him to a bed. Hyun-jin... I... really need a second. Do you have him?"
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
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Keystones: 325
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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/13/2018 6:30 AM

TK was hovering at the door as they walked in, and kept hovering near the three of them as Hyun-jin and Young-soo carried Chan-ho in. Jae didn't get up, but he tensed, as if he were holding himself in check. His hands had gone still, his phone gripped between them. He returned Young-soo's glare with a wary look, shifting protectively closer to Ji-sung, though his breath choked in his throat as the smell of alcohol drifted over to him.

"How much has he had?" Jae said, his voice too sharp in the quiet of the dorm. He rose after all, starting toward them, but a shake of the head from Hyun-jin stayed him.

"Hyung," said TK. "Chan-ie hyung. Hyung." His voice was low but urgent, and he was the one to take up the slack when Young-soo let go. He grunted, clearly struggling under the weight, but his mouth was set in a determined line.

"We've got him. Go ahead," said Hyun-jin, doing his best to give Young-soo a reassuring smile. The two of them carried Chan-ho to the dorms, setting him on the closest bunk at hand. Only afterwards did Hyun-jin realize it was Young-soo's. His gaze swept the room, but his own bed was too close to the moldy wall, and TK was already in the process of stripping Chan-ho and tucking him in. Chan-ho made a soft noise, shifting slightly, but didn't rouse.

Hyun-jin was the one who extricated Chan-ho's arms from beneath the covers, frowning at the raw scrapes along the heels of his hands and the length of his forearms. He cleaned them carefully with disinfectant, then taped them up with bandages. He worked briskly, thankful for the momentary distraction of having something to do. TK watched the process with an intensity of focus that Hyun-jin rarely saw him use for anything.

When he was finished, Hyun-jin leaned back and stared at Chan-ho's face, pale and damp from the rain, and sighed. Gently, he smoothed Chan-ho's hair from his forehead and turned off the lights. "Come on," he said to TK, softly. TK glanced back at Chan-ho once more before drifting out in Hyun-jin's wake. To the dorm at large, he said it again: "Come on guys. Let's... I'll buy breakfast." He put an arm around Min-hyuk's hunched shoulders and drew him to the door. "I think we all need a pick-me-up... What do you say?"



Chan-ho woke to the feather-light warmth of sunlight on his face. The sheets felt clammy with sweat, and he ached, as if coming out of some terrible nightmare. He groaned, lifting one sluggish hand to rub at his eyes.

His head hurt. The inside of his mouth tasted awful. Familiar things. Who had he been drinking with last night...?

Turning over, he pressed his face deeper into the pillow, seeking comfort in the softness of the fabric against his cheek. Catching the scent of something pleasant, he breathed deep, sifting through his hazy memory as he tried to place it. This wasn't his bed. Whose...?

Chan-ho froze. His eyes snapped open. Young-soo. Young-soo.

Unbidden, memories of the night before came flooding in: the confrontation with Seung-min, the hours he'd spent staring at the wall in the hallway of Yo-han's building, and Young-soo, Young-soo, Young-soo. The shape of him in the dark, looming over Chan-ho. The way he'd pushed Chan-ho away from him, the harsh ring of his voice. The way Young-soo had looked at him. The way Young-soo had...

Chan-ho sat up, despite the way his movements made the room tilt and sway, his head throbbing in angry protest. His pulse quickened, rising with fear as he scanned the other beds... only to find them empty. More cautiously, he looked around for Young-soo, but didn't find any trace of him either. Chan-ho was alone.

He never realized how empty the dorm room could look without his members.

KUN-A's gonna fucking die if you keep this up. Young-soo's words came back to him as the faces of the others welled up in his mind. Hyun-jin and Min-hyuk and Nathan. Ji-sung. TK. Jae.

Young-soo.

His breath stalled in his chest. He fought it with all he had, but it wasn't enough, not anymore. Hot tears filled his eyes; the first fat droplets trailing down his cheeks. His face burned with the shame of it, even as his features crumpled into an ugly, choking sob. Instinctively, he curled up, drawing his knees to his chest so he could hide his face.

He knew what he had done. He knew there was no turning back now. Young-soo had come to talk to him last night, only to find... His chest ached at the memory, and he had to hold his breath to stifle the noise that rose in his throat. It was over. It was done. Young-soo had seen once and for all what he was, and... and even if, by some miracle, he would still listen to what Chan-ho had to say, Chan-ho didn't know what to tell him to make it right again. There were no words to right this.

And yet, despite everything, the one he wanted to see the most... It was still Young-soo. It always had been. The realization struck him like a blow, and he folded inward upon himself still further, the pain in his back a desperate anchor against the heaving sobs that wracked his body.

Chan-ho missed him. He missed him. He missed him more than he could say.




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/14/2018 12:46 AM

When Young-soo had reemerged from the bathroom, where he'd had himself a good cry and took a fast, hot shower while he was at it, he was relieved to see that everyone had cleared out. Part of him had hoped Hyun-jin would stick around, or maybe TK, just someone unobtrusive but easy enough to talk to. Instead, the dorms were silent, and Young-soo felt a pang of exhausted loneliness in his chest.

The idea of going into the dorm wasn't an appealing one--that, and when he came out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, he'd spotted Chan-ho on his bed. Strangely enough, the image brought him more peace than anything else.

He'd taken the couch in the main room, left the door cracked just in case, and set a quiet alarm to wake him up every hour to go check Chan-ho's vitals, so to speak. At least to make sure he hadn't died of hypothermia or choked on his own vomit or something equally likely for someone who had drunk their weight in alcohol on an empty stomach and thrown it all back up.

Despite that image in his head, falling asleep had been blessedly easy. The third time he woke, he reached to turn off the nearly-silent alarm, and froze when he heard a hiccuping sob from the bedroom. His blood ran cold for a moment, heart hammering in his chest, before he realized Chan-ho must be awake--and crying, no less. He pushed himself off the couch, his hair a mess and eyes baggy, but he needed to be sure that things were as alright as they could conceivably be.

Young-soo stepped closer to the door and listened, his heart clenching. As an afterthought, he hurriedly grabbed the box of tissues on the coffee table, hooking a finger into it as he pushed the door open, softly, with his free hand. "Knock knock," he murmured, glancing into the dim room, lit by the window's sunlight. His brows knitted at the look of utter despair on Chan-ho's face, and he kept his distance for a few moments, offering a tired smile. "How're you feeling?"

What a question to ask. He swallowed, then quietly moved over to a bed across from their shared bunk and sat down on it, waving the tissue box a little bit. "I got these, if you... want 'em..."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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zapdragon555
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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby crow » 02/14/2018 2:27 AM

Chan-ho jumped with a start when he heard the knock at the door. He cast about for someplace to hide, but there wasn't one; the closet was connected to the living room, and there was no time to even try and cram himself under one of the beds. He was in the process of trying to wrap himself under the covers when the door opened and Young-soo walked in.

As he registered who it was, it felt almost like a dream--- that Young-soo was here, speaking gently to him. But then Chan-ho saw the box of tissues in Young-soo's hands, and realized that he was staring at Young-soo with his face still red and damp from tears. That he had probably also ruined Young-soo's covers from crying into them.

"I--- I'm, uh." There was nowhere to go. The urge to pull the covers over his head warred with the urge to disentangle himself from them entirely. He settled for scrambling to the corner of the bed, his back pressed to the wall, and wiping hurriedly at his face with both hands, as if that could somehow hide the signs that he'd been crying. "I... I'm fine. I just... need a moment." He was trying in vain to smile, but it came out all wrong, and tears welled anew in his eyes, too quickly for him to scrub away. "Oh god," he whispered. "P-Please don't... Don't look at me."




I'm only honest when it rains.
If I time it right, the thunder breaks
When I open my mouth.
I want to love you but I don't know how.





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User avatar
crow
Bat Country Survivor
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Keystones: 635
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Re: Second Confession [P; L, S]

Postby zapdragon555 » 02/14/2018 3:03 AM

Young-soo watched Chan-ho struggle, watched him try to hide away. He tried not to make any comments or movements--just sat still and waited for the other boy to settle a little bit. "Too late. Already looking," he murmured softly, and casually, in response to Chan-ho's plea. Quietly, he held a hand up in warning, and walked closer, pulling out some tissues and laying them on the sheets beside Chan-ho. "But you can have as much of a moment as you need."

His mouth twitched into a grimace as he looked at the red swell of Chan-ho's eyes. "How long have you been up?" he asked quietly, just wanting to let Chan-ho answer easy questions. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, then set the tissue box on the bedside table and leaned his hip against it, glancing off at the other side of the room. "The other guys are gone. Breakfast, I think I heard 'em say... so... you're safe," he added, glancing at Chan-ho with the inklings of a smile. After a long pause, he continued, averting his eyes again. He didn't want to crowd the other boy too much, after what happened the previous night. "Y'know, crying's actually not bad. Lets out a lot of bad shit. I'm the last person that's gonna judge about that."
In the morning when I wake,
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold,
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.


Can I be close to you?


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 325
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i'm tired and i'm weak but i'm strong for you
Status: i wanna go home but my love gets me through

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