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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 11/08/2016 11:13 PM

"Thanks," Hyun-jin said quietly when Nathan paid for the ice cream. He had half expected to do it no matter who lost, being the oldest, but Nathan had been raised abroad, and most likely saw things differently. Still, he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as he dug into his cup with a spoon. "Next time, my treat."

He glanced up at the others at the mention of Jae's absence, though he didn't look particularly worried. Chan-ho, a little further ahead, gave a disinterested shrug, though his eyes narrowed slightly at Young-soo's comment. With a slightly impish grin, he nudged his shoulder against Young-soo's. "Why, did you want the job?"

"He's probably just practicing," Hyun-jin said--- Jae had always been a bit of a workaholic--- but by the time he spoke, Ji-sung was already off. Hyun-jin watched him go with a sigh.

"Dibs on the shower," said Chan-ho.

~*~


Jae closed his eyes and waited for his heartbeat to slow. His lungs felt like they were burning, sending up a pale cloudy plume with each exhale; his limbs felt heavy and light all at once. He thought, with grim satisfaction, that he would sleep well tonight. He was too tired not to.

Fumblingly, he drew out his phone from a pocket and turned it on, squinting at the time. It was late. He ought to get up. He was about to muster up the will to do so when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and his eyes snapped to the door. Before he could right himself, the door was thrown open. Ji-sung stood there, eyes wide, and Jae let out a sigh. "You again," he said, his voice soft and slow with fatigue. "Are you in love with me or something?" They'd known each other for all of a day and a half, but already... Ji-sung was somehow always showing up at the worst times.

Still, it could be worse. That was what he told himself as he rolled over, pushing himself into a sitting position. "I'm fine," he said--- he'd been saying that a lot lately. "I just wanted to practice by myself for a bit."
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/11/2016 3:16 AM

Ji-sung blinked at Jae's sigh and his words, his expression floored. On one hand, he was relieved that Jae was there, and doubly relieved that Jae was alive and could speak. He sounded drained, though... and what was that he'd just said. "W-what?" Ji-sung snapped slightly, his voice cracking halfway through, and he bit his lips to shut himself up, an indignant frown on his face. "I just... you didn't come with us, and you weren't back at the dorm, and I got you ice cream, and... I was worried about you." He shrugged slightly, frowning at the spilled ice cream on the floor. "I... dropped mine," he lied, slowly walking over to the other boy. "Yours is still pretty melted, though."

"I can understand wanting to practice by yourself," he added, softer, feeling like he was talking too much. He was talking too much. Especially in such a big room, with mirrors to make it look bigger. He stood a few feet away from the other, then finally sat down, crossing his legs and pushing the cup of half melted ice cream towards Jae. As if it were something even remotely appetizing. "I hate singing in front of the others, if I'm honest," he laughed, or tried to. He felt awkward. Should he leave? He should probably leave...



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 11/13/2016 11:21 AM

Ji-sung was looking at him as if he'd said something strange. Jae averted his eyes self-consciously at the other boy's expression, but the corners of his mouth tightened in the beginnings of an angry frown. He didn't have to explain himself--- no. No. He was part of a group now. Gods, this was so hard. The anger dissipated before it had any real chance to take hold, sapped away by exhaustion. This was how he liked it. Everything was so much easier when he was too tired to care.

He glanced half-heartedly at the ice cream, not even bothering to make any movements towards it. He had no interest in eating ice cream on a day when it was already cold anyway. "You can have it," he said simply. If Ji-sung didn't want it either, then they might as well throw it away. It made no difference to him.

Ji-sung's next words grabbed his attention though. Jae sat up straighter, staring at Ji-sung with wide eyes. "Singing? But... You're good at it," he said disbelievingly. "Why would you hate it?"
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/14/2016 7:02 PM

Normally, he would've been excited about the offered ice cream, but the idea of slurping melted ice cream didn't sound great. Plus, there was no way to eat it normally without looking downright silly. Even so... Ji-sung reached for the cup of ice cream and took a small bite (or rather, spoonful--it was basically soup at this point) out of courtesy. He set it to the side when Jae began talking, his eyes a bite wider than before.

"Ahh," his expression melted into a sheepish smile, chuckling. "Thanks, that... means a lot," he murmured, shrugging his shoulders. "I can never really tell how I'm doing because everyone else always sounds better than me in my head. Besides that..." Ji-sung trailed off for a moment, looking up at himself in the mirror, looking smaller than normal in his crosslegged slouch. "I... well. I don't know. I guess I have stage fright. It's kinda bad." He spoke in short sentences, but his tone was casual, and gentle. At least Jae was talking to him. "I imagine no matter how good I get it down in practice, everything's gonna go to hell when I get up on stage. I know it." He smiled in spite of his words, fidgeting with the fringed end of his scarf, before he took it off. It was warm in there. "I just know it."



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 11/20/2016 1:27 PM

"Then you're not listening," said Jae matter-of-factly, leaning back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. "You're a main vocal. You make the rest of us sound like frogs. You should hear the rappers sing." He grimaced at the thought. If Ji-sung hadn't, he'd have the opportunity soon enough. Jae didn't know about Nathan, and he doubted Young-soo would make such a fool of himself, but Chan-ho never let his lack of ability keep him from caterwauling on their off time.

Slowly, the tension in his features eased. This wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. All things considered, he'd expected Ji-sung to... well, he didn't know what exactly. Start lecturing him, maybe, or ask one uncomfortable question too many. He wasn't quite so uncharitable as to think Ji-sung would mock him like Young-soo. What he hadn't expected was for Ji-sung to share one of his own weaknesses. Jae recognized it for the gesture of trust that it was. He just wished he had something helpful to say.

"When I go up on stage, I just don't think about it... I guess that doesn't help." He knew it couldn't be that simple for Ji-sung if it was something he struggled with. After a moment's thought, Jae said, "We're a team though. Even if you do mess up, the rest of us will cover for you." He'd seen it happen, at concerts and in music shows. Usually people didn't notice, unless it was something big, and even then sometimes it was helpful in garnering publicity.
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 12/01/2016 2:12 AM

Ji-sung felt his chest ache slightly at the compliment, unable to stop the small smile from tugging his expression into something far more genuine than before. He couldn't stop a giggle, either--he got the mental image of Chan-ho with a frog head, trying to sing in front of a crowd--nose wrinkling as his shoulders shook with a few quiet laughs. "Frogs... I don't know about that."

He turned his attention back to Jae when the other boy began speaking, his gaze attentive, but not directly trained on Jae. It was almost as though he were giving the other space with his line of sight alone. He took in a slow breath through his nose, and let it out the same way, body sinking ever so slightly. "A team... yeah. Yeah, I know, you're right. I guess that trust will just come with time. I gotta get over that thought that the others are constantly judging me. Though, they still probably are," he added, a joking tone in his voice as he grinned over at Jae, shrugging.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 12/07/2016 1:00 PM

Jae found that he was smiling too, despite himself. It was a pretty funny mental image, and he felt... at ease, more than he had expected to with someone he barely knew. He was still wary around Ji-sung, partially because it had been so bad, these past two days. He knew he could be kind of a raw nerve ending, but it wasn't usually this bad.

He looked down at his hands at Ji-sung's words. He could take some of his own advice, and he knew it. A team. Teamwork wasn't his strong suit. It wasn't something he did on purpose, it just... happened that way. But the coaches were fond of saying that everything could be learnt--- dancing, poise, variety sense. Maybe not singing, but that was what rap was for. Teamwork, too, could be learnt.

Trust, huh, he thought.

"I..." he began, and stopped. The corners of his mouth tightened, and his hands wound around each other again, thumbs skidding over the joints of his fingers. "Today. With Chan-ho. I don't... really like skinship." It was the understatement of the year, but it was also as much as he could bring himself to say. His grip was already tightening, knuckles turning white from the combination of pressure and cold. He knew full well how obvious it was that what had happened wasn't anything so simple as him just not liking hugs, but back when he'd said they could talk about it later, he hadn't actually meant to bring it back up at all. This was the compromise he could reach from where he was now.
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 12/08/2016 11:43 PM

Ji-sung's joking smile immediately began to fade back into attentiveness once the first word was out of Jae's mouth. He waited quietly, blinking at the other boy as he collected his thoughts. He suddenly felt warm--he slid his lavender scarf off from around his neck and let it pile in his lap, eyes on Jae the whole time.

His eyes flickered a fraction of a bit wider as understanding washed over him. He nodded slowly, sensing that this was probably rather serious. He wasn't sure what clued him in, but the fact that Jae was divulging something like that to him made him very sober when he spoke again. "That's okay," he said quietly, nodding his head a second time, a bit quicker. "That definitely... makes sense, I mean, with what happened. I'm sorry that happened," he murmured, repeating the word after a beat, taking his gaze off Jae to give the other boy some relief from being stared at. His eyes flicked to the patches of white that were Jae's tense knuckles, something stirring in his chest--a mix of empathy and the desire to reach over and gently uncurl Jae's tight fists.

But that would, of course, be counterproductive to the situation. So he gently buried his own hands in the scarf in his lap instead. "I really think the others would understand, if you told them. But... if you'd rather keep it a secret, you don't have to tell them." He looked back at Jae for a moment, eyes earnest. "I won't tell anyone no matter what, though. That's on you." He cracked a small, soft smile at that.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 02/12/2017 12:27 PM

Crap. He'd fucked up. Jae raked a frustrated hand through his hair, eyes wincing closed. "No, that's--- That's not what I meant. I mean, it's not about me. I just..." Sighing, he shook his head. "I just meant we all had... tics, that's all. So... don't feel bad if you get nervous." It felt like a lame ending to an even lamer tangent. He hadn't meant for Ji-sung to comfort him at all. It just drove home how much of a hot mess Jae must seem to him, and just about the last thing he wanted was to dump his problems on other people. There was trust, and there was not being able to clean up after your own messes.

"Anyway, it's not going to happen again," he said firmly, "so there's no need." He wasn't going to let it happen again. Having said that, however, he found himself at a loss for what else to say. He settled awkwardly for asking after the others. "So, uh... did everyone go back to the dorm?" He knew it was a stupid question as soon as he'd said it. Where else could they have gone? They had practice tomorrow too. After today, he doubted even Chan-ho was stupid enough to go out again. Still, he was at a loss, and it was the first thing that had come to mind.
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 04/05/2017 5:48 PM

Ji-sung's mouth was thin for a moment in thought, knowing that, unless Jae did tell someone about it, it probably was going to happen again. Even so, he kept this thought to himself, knowing arguing was likely not the best idea at that moment. At the change in subject, he brightened a tiny bit, shifting his hands on the scarf in his lap. "Yeah, everyone went back... and got ice cream. Hence the uh... yeah," he trailed off, glancing at his melted cup of ice cream, then at the spilled one near the door, sheepish. He was quiet for a few seconds, then looked at Jae suddenly, a real curiosity fighting the shyness in his chest. "Hey. What's your favorite flavor, anyhow? Of ice cream? Or do you even like it?" he added with a small smirk, half joking.

He wanted to talk to him. Ji-sung had decided that the moment Jae had run from practice the the restrooms that day. He wanted to get to know Jae, because like Jae had said, they were a team. 'Lone Wolf.' Yoo-sung's words echoed in Ji-sung's mind as he looked over at the other boy, his expression growing soft with thought. "Mine's french vanilla," he finally said, voice quiet.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 05/01/2017 3:02 AM

"Are you serious?" Jae said, eyebrows arching as he considered the melted ice cream in its plastic cup. "I didn't think anyone was going to actually do it. Chan-ho hyung talks so much shit." He didn't know Chan-ho too well, but it was kind of impossible not to at least know of him. Well, ice cream was a lot easier to manage than going out drinking, and apparently they'd done that too. Maybe it was a team bonding thing, in which case he supposed he'd better chip in next time. He... hadn't been doing too well in that regard.

He was even more surprised when Ji-sung asked him about his favorite ice cream flavor. It wasn't an especially odd question, it was just... He couldn't remember anyone else having asked it before. It must've happened sometime, maybe when he was younger; just not recently. He had to think about it. Come to that, he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten ice cream either.

"You know the fish-shaped ones they sell in convenience stores?" he said, after a moment. "Back when they used to have the strawberry flavor, I'd eat them all the time." After another pause, he said, "I guess that's not really a flavor... I dunno. Cookies and cream, I guess." It sounded kind of stupid when he said it, but he didn't have a whole lot of experience with the kind of ice cream shops that gave them to you in scoops. Ji-sung's french vanilla sounded almost uptown.
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 05/03/2017 9:25 PM

Ji-sung made it a point to not mention the fact that Jae had called Chan-ho 'hyung'--a thing Jae had seemed pretty adverse to, earlier. It made him smile slightly, all the same.

"So... strawberry, and fish-shaped," Ji-sung mused aloud, nodding thoughtfully. "They didn't sell those where I lived when I was a kid. They sound really good, though," he said, leaning forward to smile at Jae. He liked knowing something about him, even if it was simple. He sat back, looking around the practice room, and at their reflections in the mirrors on the opposite wall. "I lived out in the country with my grandparents. There was this old ice cream shop... really tiny. It sold a lot of homemade ice cream." He paused in his rambling, glancing back over at Jae. "I wonder if it's still there. Or if it's in ice-cream heaven, with your strawberry fishes."

He thought about it for a moment, and found that it made him sad to think about. After a long pause, he let his shoulders sag, fiddling with the lavender scarf in his lap. "When do you want to go back?" he asked quietly, not wanting to change the subject--but they couldn't stay there all night.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 05/19/2017 1:10 AM

Jae gave a small shrug. "You can still find the red bean kind in convenience stores. They're everywhere. You can try one if you want." He ate them sometimes, though not in the winter. And now that the heat of his exertion had worn off, the cold was seeping deeper than ever into his skin. He couldn't imagine wanting ice cream right now.

At Ji-sung's mention of his family, however, Jae fell silent again. He could hear the warmth in Ji-sung's voice, but the other boy's face was sad when he glanced at it sidelong. What could he say? It wasn't right to ask, if they were in heaven too, or even if he just missed them. He always had been terrible at this.

Under other circumstances, he might have been relieved at the change of subject. In a way, he was. Compared to all the uncomfortable possibilities behind Ji-sung's words, the simple matter of going back to the dorms seemed like a no-brainer. But he thought of facing Young-soo, with that smug look on his face; of Chan-ho grinning and needling him. And he knew, and dreaded more than anything, the way Hyun-jin would look at him. Hyun-jin, who wouldn't say anything, but whose pity was worse than all the rest. Hyun-jin, who knew.

He sighed, and allowed himself one last moment of peace. Then, he rose to his feet, dusted himself off, and wordlessly made for the door.
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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 06/06/2017 10:00 PM

Ji-sung seemed visibly open to the idea, leaning forward slightly with a smile. "Yeah? You'll have to go with me, to show me what the best kind is," he said with a chuckle, trying to be friendly. He watched the gears turn in Jae's head, then blinked when the boy suddenly got up and started moving without a word.

His heart sank, shoulders visibly sagging slightly. Worth a shot, he thought to himself, cringing at his own suggestion. He cleared his throat and got up as well, wrapping his lavender scarf around his neck once more in preparation for the cold that was waiting outside. He caught up with Jae, but walked several feet behind him, hands in his pockets and eyes on the streetlights as they passed overhead. At the very least, it would be nice to get some rest after today.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Lost Boys [P; L]

Postby crow » 06/07/2017 2:31 AM

Jae clocked Ji-sung catching up to him as he walked out. Something about the way Ji-sung kept his distance bothered him a little, but he was too tired and mentally wrung-out to dwell on it. It wasn't, at any rate, unusual; he was used to being ignored and avoided, and considering how little he liked to be touched, he figured he couldn't have it both ways. He shoved his hands into his own pockets against the cold, and walked on.

It was strange, coming back to the dorm. They'd just moved in, so it didn't feel like home yet. He noted the light pouring out from the apartment window with a sigh as they walked up to the building. It was too much to hope that they'd be asleep already, but there was nothing he could do other than steeling himself as he walked through the door.

"Oh, Jae," said Hyun-jin, looking up from where he stood in the kitchen, keeping watch over the stove. The smell of ramen washed over him like a wave. Hyun-jin held up the packaging: jjamppong flavor.  "Want some? It's almost done."

Jae hovered at the entrance-way for a moment, still taking off his shoes. Hunger gnawing at the pit of his stomach, but he swallowed against it and shook his head. "Diet," he said.

Chan-ho grinned from his seat at the table, straddling the backrest of his chair with his arms propped up on top. "Bet he just doesn't want his face to puff up in the morning. He's got an image to maintain, unlike the rest of us."

Jae didn't even dignify that with a reply. He stuffed his shoes on the rack and went straight to the bathroom to wash up, before changing into the sweats that served as his pyjamas and crawling into his bed. Outside the tiny, cramped room, he could hear the others laughing. Closing his eyes, he shifted onto his side, back to the door, and waited for the weariness to carry him off to sleep.
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