by crow » 02/09/2018 3:32 AM
As Young-soo settled back into himself, Hyun-jin let one arm drop, easing back to give him more room. Wordlessly, he produced a small packet of tissues from his pocket. The packaging was a little crumpled, and it was printed with colorful cartoon animals, but the contents were still good, so he passed it over to Young-soo.
Hyun-jin smiled and nodded as Young-soo explained. "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know," he said. "But I think maybe you'll have a little more luck this time around. You've both had time to think things over, so maybe he's ready now... And if he isn't, I could talk to him too." Hyun-jin was privately hoping it didn't come to that, since it felt like a private thing between the two of them, but the reality was that the current situation wasn't sustainable.
And Young-soo, truth be told, wasn't the one he was the most worried about here. The fact that Young-soo had held onto enough composure to reach out to someone was a good sign. On the other hand... Chan-ho had seemed stable in the beginning, when Hyun-jin had first met him; Hyun-jin had even admired his strength for being so bright even though his life must have been that much harder. But now that he was starting to see Chan-ho unravel, he felt as though he was watching someone teeter on the edge of a volcano. It was just all the more unfortunate that Young-soo had gotten caught up in it too.
"Chan-ho."
There was, Chan-ho thought, no good place to look. He settled for staring at the space just above Seung-min's shoulder. He couldn't meet Seung-min's eyes, but he didn't want to--- he wouldn't look down at the ground. Which was probably just making it worse, but even then, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Lee Chan-ho," said Seung-min. His voice was cold, with a hard note in it that made something sick and terrible flare to life in the pit of Chan-ho's gut. "Look at me."
Chan-ho couldn't do that either, and his refusal made Seung-min sigh in frustration. "Damnit. Chan-ho, what the fuck was that? What the fuck did you do?" he snapped. And, try as Chan-ho might to hold himself in check, he couldn't help but flinch slightly when Seung-min raised his voice.
Seung-min wasn't looking at him anymore though. He had turned away, to pace the floor of the tiny room he'd found Chan-ho in. The other boy had long since fled the scene, but Chan-ho's clothes were rumpled, and the collar of his shirt had been buttoned up to hide the marks trailing up his chest. He was thinner than he had been a month ago. The dark circles beneath his eyes were getting harder to hide, even with concealer.
"I don't know if you're stupid or if you just have a death wish, but I'd better have fucking hallucinated what I saw just now, or else you can pack your bags tonight and go home."
The words caught Chan-ho like a punch to the gut, his carefully blank expression giving way to one of genuine distress. "Hyung, please, I can't--- I won't do it again," he said.
"Again? You think we're going to give you the chance to do it again? Look, do you even understand what you've done? You're lucky I'm the one who found you! If I had been someone from another company, or god forbid, one of those goddamn reporters, all of KUN-A would have been crucified overnight!" Seung-min closed the distance between them again as Chan-ho pressed himself against the wall, terror and guilt washing over him in waves as Seung-min's broad frame loomed over him. Seung-min seemed to catch himself, backing away just a little to rub one hand over his face tiredly. "Alright, fine. So you don't give a shit about yourself, or about Chairman Seo, even though he took you in like his own goddamn son. But couldn't you have at least thought about your members? Couldn't you have thought about all the work they poured into making it here, and kept it in your pants?"
Chan-ho had nothing to say to that. He could only stare at the wall in silence as Seung-min sighed again. "You know what, maybe it was my fault. I should have kept a closer eye on you, even if you didn't have any sense---"
"Hyung," said Chan-ho. His voice came out barely a whisper, but Seung-min's gaze snapped to his face, and Chan-ho had to suppress the urge to turn away. Chan-ho's eyes were pleading, and he knew he must have looked disgustingly pathetic in that moment, but he couldn't help himself. "You're not... going to tell anyone about this, are you?"
Seung-min laughed harshly. "I damn well should!" he snapped, before deflating again. "...But I won't." He massaged his forehead with his fingers, closing his eyes briefly. "You're really lucky I was the one who caught you. We'll decide what to do with you later." He waved Chan-ho off with a flick of his hand. "For now, get out of my sight. I don't even want to know you exist until we get back to the dorms, got it?"
Chan-ho nodded, then fled. It was a good thing it had been their last schedule of the day. The way he was right now, he didn't even know if he could hold up a smile in front of the camera.
Ducking out of the building, he found an abandoned corner tucked between the wall and a hedge, empty except for a single old dumpster that had long since fallen into disuse. He leaned himself against the wall, and tried to focus on breathing. He felt sick. He felt... His hands rummaged through his pockets, trembling, until he came up with a packet of cigarettes.
He'd bought them last week and immediately decided they were a bad idea, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to throw them away. Now he ripped off the plastic packaging and opened up the box, sliding one out with his thumb. He considered it for a moment, and thought about all the times he'd watched Yo-han light one up, outside some bar or pojangmacha, the peace on Yo-han's face as he breathed out whorls of pale smoke.
It took Chan-ho three tries to light it. His fingers were still shaking as he brought it to his lips and took a drag--- only to double over, coughing uncontrollably, as it seared through his lungs.