[Mousen]

Rexus was back to being a puppy dog, which, while not necessarily Atlas' preference, was probably safer for him in the meantime. Also, he possibly was the single most adorable person he'd ever met in his life. He gave Rexus' hand a squeeze in return.

"Scare me?" he raised his eyebrows incredulously. "Did I look for a second like I wasn't waiting for you to dig your teeth into my neck? Because if so, I really need to work on my expressions." Atlas realised he was being a bit forward and softened a little. "So, to answer that. No. Absolutely not. I think you're wonderful." Well, if anyone deserved his honesty, his praise it was Rexus. Atlas didn't have much left to hide.

[MythicDusk]

He felt a blush flood his face, humming deep in the back of his throat as he grabbed a chair to seat himself. He carefully detangled his hand from Atlas' in order to sign to him.

'Do you want me to check your ribs? I would hate to think I hurt you.'

He smiled gently, leaning forward, his entire attention on Atlas.

He was amazed at how infatuated he was with this man. His hands moved on their own, a smile pulling at his lips.

'I love you, so much.'

He meant every word. Meant it every time he motioned it, every time he uttered it from his borderline destroyed throat. He loved Atlas more than he could say.

[Mousen]

Atlas shook his head. He was pretty sure he missed a word in that sentence, but he got the gist. "You just jostled me. It's honestly fine." The bruising had started to fade now, looking less like spilled ink and instead turning muddy.

He signed back. "I love you too." He wasn't sure how they'd fallen into this, still a little unsteady, still a little emotionally raw, but caring desperately for each other all the same. They were working out. Atlas dared to have a little hope that they might make it there. That it would work out.

"C'mon, let's get back to this while we still have daylight on our side." He stood and gestured back to the door.

[MythicDusk]

Rexus nodded, feeling a warm flutter in his chest at Atlas' response. He stood, holding out his hand for Atlast to take so they could make their house, the place that Rexus hoped Atlas would see as his home too, in time, safe.

After the sun had set, and after all the work had been done, Rexus flopped down on the old cough, eyeing the roaring fire before relaxing, looking over to Atlas and motioning him over, inviting him to lay with him.

'I have a few questions, wanna cuddle while you answer them?'

His grin was wide, playful. Hel oved the feeling of Atlas in his arms, but he also wanted to know, at least, how all of this even began.

[Mousen]

Atlas threw the gloves back into his bag, which was becoming less a bag and more a pile of stuff with his bag somewhere underneath it. Somehow in the week since he'd first arrived, the question of unpacking had not been brought up. For now, Atlas was happy to let it lie. It wasn't that he had any intention of leaving (goodness knows that wasn't the case), just that unpacking seemed like a final act. Something he wasn't quite prepared to deal with yet.

"Absolutely." He smiled at Atlas and sat down next to him, slowly leaning over until he was laid across Rexus' lap. "Just let me know before you move, so I can scooch over." He reached up to weave his fingers through Rexus'.

"What do you want to know?"

[MythicDusk]

Rexus hummed softly in his chest, squeezing Atlas' hand with a smile, running his fingers through Atlas' hair.

"How did this even start?"

He knew Atlas disliked him using his voice, but he was speaking softly. In tones that didn't hurt as much. Tones he reserved for Atlas. Plus, both his hands were occupied.

Despite the questions he had, he almost didn't want to ask any more for tonight. To just lay with the other man, to have their hands entwined together, to just hold him like he had missed doing so. He continued to softly toy with Atlas' hair, running his fingers through the strands.

[Mousen]

Atlas leaned into Rexus' touch, closing eyes, but he looked up at Rexus as he spoke. He couldn't stop it when Rexus decided to speak to him, but it did concern him a little. Still, he was being quiet. Atlas was forcibly reminded of the event from a week ago, and he just as quickly pushed it to the back of his mind.

"Well, that's a very general question," he said softly. "Um. I don't remember how much I told you, but... pretty much always. I know told you about my dad, right, and the Circus in Whisper Forest? Well, there's a couple of faery courts there. My dad wanted to perfect glamour, you know, illusion magic and he'd always had a bit of an affinity with the fae. And later, after he found out about me, so the story goes, that he went back to see Tova, my mum, and made a deal. A human child for me, but, it wasn't a human child at all, just a bit of enchanted wood. The faery's own trick back at them. She fell for it." Atlas allowed himself a little smile as he told the story. "As you might imagine, she wasn't best pleased."

It was a real testament to Mort's ability to cast glamours, that he'd managed to trick her for long enough to steal him away back to the circus. "When I left, I was worried she'd try something, but I think I was too old or moved too quickly for her to bother. I didn't ever venture far into the faery roads, just to hide for a moment or two. I was careful to stay away. Until... Well," he made a small gesture that didn't explain much.

[MythicDusk]

Rexus listened intently, his fingers still toying with Atlas' hair, his brow furrowed and his lips pressed into a hard line. He didn't really need to know any more. He was honest when he said it didn't really matter.

"So she wants you back?"

He mused carefully, leaning a little farther back into the couch with a thoughtful humm, his fingers still absent mindedly playing with Atlas' hair.

"Well, you're mine until you say otherwise, so she can't have you."

He grunted this with a firm sense of confidence, of knowledge, squeezing Atlas' hand as he did so. He wouldn't let this woman, this creature, take him. He wouldn't let him go again.

[Mousen]

Atlas nodded. "Presumably. She has some other children, including a human child she stole, so I'm not sure what role she precisely wants me to fill. That, or she just wants to have the hounds tear me apart to upset Mort. I wouldn't put it past her, either." Tova was the sort that would destroy something because she couldn't have it herself, just out of spite. Though, the way she'd fixed his necklace for him (or had a craftsman do it for her) gave him pause. That was supposed to be a kindess, a gift, and you did not give gifts to the people you were intending to have ripped apart by hounds. Atlas felt like whatever she had planned may be worse than the hounds themselves, but he didn't let himself dwell.

"Thank you," he said, giving Rexus a smile and squeezing his hand in return.

He stayed like that a moment until a stray thought hit him. "What time is it?" he glanced at the clock above the fireplace and squinted. "Oh, it's getting kind of late." They were almost at the witching hour, late for someone like Rexus who was normally up at dawn, and Atlas had fallen into a slightly less strict version of his habits as he recovered.

[MythicDusk]

Atlas simply gave a small noise of confirmation, his eyes already feeling heavy, his shoulders dropping and the biolune markings dimming.

"Bed?"

His voice was hoarse and sore, his shoulders and back ached. He was going to hate tomorrow morning. His eyes burned and he slowly leaned on the arm of the sofa, resting his head in his hand as he struggled to stay awake. His large shoulders twitching every time he began to nod off.

"Bed."

He stated the word simply, but it was almost a command. A gentle nudge at Atlas' shoulder, trying to get him to move so they could go to bed.

[Mousen]

((Just to let you know, this RP post contains pretty detailed descriptions of a panic attack.))



Atlas looked up at him, half falling asleep, and closed his own eyes. He didn't move until he was nudged. He walked with Rexus up the stairs. He felt fine in a forced sort of way, like the physical tiredness was stretching him thin enough to function, but not enough to do anything else. It was the picky sort of feeling that made him want to reflect on what had happened. A thread to unravel.

He brushed his teeth, kissed Rexus goodnight and tried to put it to the back of his mind. He dozed in patches of ten minutes, interspersed by images, vague memories of his mother. He imagined her as he knew her, dark hair hung about her, skirts hitched up as she walked with an inhuman grace across the dry soil. He imagined her curses spat on the ground. He thought about the fact he hadn't dared unpack yet and what that said about him. He thought about Rexus crying into him on the first night. He thought about being scared to die. He thought about wanting to die.

He got out of bed, whispering something about the bathroom to Rexus's half asleep form. His voice didn't shake, he was careful. He walked down the hall, evenly, a hand clamped over his mouth, but the pressure was building in his chest. It hit in waves, each time taking more from him. He shut the bathroom door with a small click. The trick was to do this without causing any permament damage, and without waking Rexus.

He sat on the edge of the bathtub again, and then hit his hand against the tiled wall. The sound, he hoped, would be muffled. He did it again, and again, until the side of his fist had gone numb and he was nursing tingly shocks of pain through his fingers. The sobbing started, and he pressed a hand to his side, tried to steady himself, but it hurt. He tried to force air into his lungs, it didn't want to stay, there wasn't enough of it. He pulled at his hair, wrapping it around his fingers and tugging, hard.

He tried desperately to not make a sound, but he couldn't bear it with his injuries. The shuddering, silent kind of meltdown was the one he preferred, the one he'd been aiming for, but he'd known it would be unlikely.

It was just everything. He'd felt nothing and nothing for months, then the physical and emotional blows had come and gone without any time to process them. He was such a mess, but it was too much. He'd tried and tried to hold it back, and he was so useless. He'd hated the person that had left Rexus so thoroughly it'd been difficult to function and the person that had come back to him wasn't much better. He hated himself for feeling so worthless, for the trouble he brought with him, again, and again, and again. He just wanted to stop.

There was a soft knock at the door.

"A few minutes." He sounded terrible.

The knock was inistent.

Atlas was hit with another wave of crushing, desperate panic. He couldn't get the words out. He needed to be left alone. He couldn't be seen like this, he didn't want to be seen like this. Couldnt let Rexus see him like this. Couldn't let Rexus be upset by this.

He spluttered, coughing, his small frame shook and a keening whine of pain escaped him.

He stepped towards the door, adding his weight to the lock. "I need to get my head together. Please. It's not--" Get the words out, damn you. "It's not you."

His breaths were too shallow to be of any use to him. He couldn't get himself under control. Stupid. "If-If you force the lock you'll--" Damn. Damn. Damn. "o-open the door into me."

"Stay there, please," he begged. He slipped down onto the bathroom floor.

No. No. Not good. "Wait. St-stay." Atlas realised he was liable to send Rexus into pieces. Or else, force him to use his voice, already damaged from the events of the past two weeks. He couldn't bear another incident like the one in the kitchen. He leant his head against the door and gave a small, hiccophing whine of defeat. He shifted, slowly, painfully away from the door, reaching to move the bolt away from the door. He pulled it open a fraction.

[MythicDusk]

Rexus watched Atlas open the door. He wuickly took account of what was happening, what he could see was happening. His glow lifted to his sad, sad eyes. He moved his hands slowly, carefully.

'You could have told me.'

There wasn't even betrayal in his heart, there wasn't even hurt. Just a slow, seeping sadness that filled his limbs, that chilled him to the core. Not a sadness for himself, or even a sadness at Atlas and his actions. A sadness for him.

He found it verging on pity.

He quickly pushed it away and let his shoulders heave in a sigh, his eyes closing for the barest moment before he let them flutter open again. He was overtired. He loved this man with his everything, but he wished that he hat told him.

'You don't have to hide from me.'

The motions were slow, and when he had finished them he offered a hand to Atlas, his palm peeking through the crack in the door. If his voice wasn't hurting, he would have spoken, would have cooed to him, calmed him and pushed open the door himself.

But he figured that it wasn't what Atlas needed right now. Maybe he needed time alone, maybe he needed someone to hold him. Maybe he just needed to cry it out until his lungs burned.

No matter what he needed, Rexus would give it to him without a second thought.

[Mousen]

Atlas took a couple of hiccoughing breaths and nodded. "Y-yeah." He knew that, he really did, it was just-- he could see Rexus crying sobing, the shouting, the smell of cigarettes-- No. Not again. He wiped away at the tears which were running down his nose. God, he was a mess.

He pushed open the door and moved towards Rexus, using Rexus' shoulder to steady himself as he sat down in the corridor next to him. He laid his head against the wall and tried to find the space to breathe. He didn't look at Rexus for a moment, but when he did he did he felt another wave of sobs hit. He leaned into his neck, arms wrapped round his shoulders. It took a minute or two, but he got a hold of himself again.

"Sorry, sorry. I just-" Just, what? Was an idiot? Pathetic? "A lot has happened. It built up into- into everything and, and I was thinking about my mother and h-hurting you and the hounds and I snapped." Atlas was aware he was starting to babble, but he didn't seem to be able to stop himself either. "You know I was so scared they were g-going to kill me? Its so stupid. I'd spent a whole year hoping something was going to come along and kill me. I j-just wanted to-- I'm sorry, I just make everything about myself and I don't ever stop. Its awful. You should h-hate me. I hate this, I can never get a fucking minute of peace from myself. I just keep g-going."

[MythicDusk]

Rexus' movements were gentle and steady. Like a giant waking from its mountainous slumber. He wrapped his arms carefully around Atlas, mourning his lack of voice. He wanted to say something soothing, to murmur into his ear, to tell him that he was fine, that they were both fine and they would continue to be fine.

That they were there for eachother now.

Instead, he rocked carefully with Atlas in his arms, giving soft, breathy noises that barely used his voice in an attempt to comfort the man. He carefully ran his fingers down Atlas' back, his palm pressed against Atlas' chest.

Eventually, he wrote simple words with his fingers, hoping Atlas could feel them.

'You fine Im here now'

[Mousen]

Rexus didn't leave, and the world didn't end. It didn't mean he felt better, there was still something slinking around in the back of his mind, telling him to mess everything up, that he would always mess everything up and that everything he touched became unfixable. He stayed with Rexus on the floor, leaned into his touch. He might not feel better tonight, or even in the morning, but he would. It'd be all right.

He wasn't sure how long he'd stayed there, only that he felt his ribs protest when he moved to stand up. Atlas moved into the bathroom, blew his nose and rinsed his face with cold water. In the mirror he looked patchy and puffy-eyed, he exhaled slowly and attempted a small smile. Well. It'd do.

Atlas met Rexus back in the hall and drew him into a hug. "I love you," he said simply.