Atlas caught sight of him by the doorway and paused. He watched him there a moment and wished the earth would swallow him up. He really couldn't do anything right.
"I'm here," he skirted round the edge of the door, settling down on the sofa he'd fallen asleep on before. "Do you want to...?" he paused. "I guess I should just, say my piece. I've been trying to work out what I would say if-- I've always been so bad at this."
He couldn't make eye contact. "I left after kissing you because I was stupid. It was never because I didn't want you, it was because I did and I couldn't take it. I'm really good at messing things up," he gestured. "I thought, I thought, somehow if I left we'd have one good memory each or-- no, I don't know." But he did, he did. "I don't... deserve you. To be in the same room as you. To be near you. I knew it then, and I know it now. Can you honestly tell me I've done anything other than hurt you?" The recitations had payed off. He wasn't going to pieces. "I get so wrapped up in it I can't see the way out and all I could see was you, and me never being good enough and I was really stupid."
He took a moment to collect himself. "After I left, I pretended I was okay for awhile and then started to do anything to keep my mind off of things. I went into the faery roads. My mother, she's the one who sent the hounds after me. I didn't follow the rules of the place, didn't pay my respects properly. Instead I just fucked my way around the courts and drank enough elderberry wine to kill a man. I've been running from the hounds for... almost two weeks. They caught up with me three days ago. I didn't mean to come here, I had to stay away from the forests, the cities, anywhere with cover. I thought I was going to die. I got scared and came to you out of desperation, knowing you'd help and knowing how much it would hurt you to see me again." He made himself sick, perhaps Rexus would feel the same way now he was finished.