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[Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 7:59 PM

[Spoilers for the anime Zankyou No Terror--and some obvious canon deviation.]

ImageImage

"I really appreciate the help," Shibazaki's voice tugged Lisa out of her thoughts, which had wandered somewhere along the horizon line, above the traffic and bustling crowds. Shibazaki's back hadn't been quite what it used to be when he was younger, and it was as though the past four years had aged him far more than he could've ever imagined.

"O-of course! I'm always happy to help," Lisa chirped, renewing the spring in her step. It was hard, with how chilly it was outside. Winter was well on its way. Lisa shifted the grocery bags in her arms, peering inside of one of them at the vegetables and packaged meat. This stew would be wonderful, for sure. She made a mental note to be present, just in case Shibazaki's daughter wanted help cooking, but not ask, just in case she seemed presumptuous. She'd had a lot of practice cooking on her own after living in her own apartment for a year now, but she was sure that Nine and Twelve would be skeptical of her newfound skills.

Her focus softened again as her brain returned to the two boys, who, for the first time in years, would leave the hospital they'd been kept at all this time.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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zapdragon555
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Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 8:18 PM

When they reached Shibazaki's family's house, Lisa busied herself with helping Haruka unpack the groceries. Shibazaki left once more, taking the car with him this time--while Lisa did want to go see Nine and Twelve as they left the hospital for the first time in awhile, she also knew she would be of more help here. Haruka was friendly towards her, even if Harkua's relationship with her father was a bit strained. She always felt a little awkward in the room when Shibazaki and his daughter were together.

After a few moments, Haruka's mother poked her head in with an awkward wave, not used to guests. "I'll make some tea for you both while we wait," she said, no warmth in her voice for the idea of hosting a dinner party for her ex-husband and two terrorists. Lisa half wondered which of those two things she was less excited about.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
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Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 8:28 PM

ImageImage

All things considered, it was good to see the two of them walking again. It had mostly been Lisa who had visited them in the hospital, while Twelve's new heart had been steadily working away and Nine had been learning to walk properly again. The physical therapy had done them both wonders, though Twelve's enthusiasm had probably helped him a little bit more in the recovery process. Lisa and Twelve's relationship had been a strangely already-established thing--he'd asked for a kiss the first day she'd visited him after the emergency surgery. It wasn't hard to do. Holding his hand back when the bomb had gone off had been one of the easiest things in the world for Lisa.

Nine seemed to know, though the two of them had somehow managed to keep it under wraps. Lisa was convinced Nine and Twelve were psychically linked somehow. Whatever strange anomaly had happened deep inside of Nine's brain to make his legs cease functioning properly, it had done nothing to impair his dry wit and sharp eyes. Shibazaki faced the two, now, Twelve all lopsided smiles and sunshine, and Nine in a pair of arm bracers with as strained, yet fond of a look as he could manage for the time being. "Hey," Shibazaki offered, reaching out with both hands to lightly touch both of their shoulders. "We've got food waiting."

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 10:04 PM

Nine needed help getting into the car, which only made the angry heat in the pit of his stomach spread to his face. In the end the glare he fixed Shibazaki with was enough to make the old man back off, and Twelve helped him instead, familiar hands on his back and arm to get him situated inside. The hands left him, and Nine was alone in his own body again, quietly resting his head on the car window and staring outside at the passing cars.

The windows were tinted, which helped things. Unlike Twelve, Nine had showed his face that night, to all of Tokyo. They knew who he was. Sphinx #1 was no longer a viable visage to hide beneath. In the seat beside him, Sphinx #2 was humming along happily to the radio that Shibazaki had turned on low.

Before Twelve had gotten shot, Nine was beginning to like Lisa. The sound of the helicopter-born gunshot had shattered something in Nine's heart. Some semblance of normalcy. His hand twitched, very close to Twelve's, but didn't move. A long time ago, it would have been normal to take the other boy's hand, hold it, thread his fingers between the other's far warmer ones, even kiss the other boy's knuckles quietly in the wee hours of the morning when nightmares kept him awake, staring at the shadows on the ceiling.

Things were different, now. They were normal kids, now. Adults, rather. No more playing heroes, no more playing martyrs. No more holding each other in the dark. Nine found it hard to believe that years had passed since the atomic bomb had gone off.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 10:11 PM

As soon as Nine was safely out of the car and in his arm bracers again, Twelve made a mad dash for the door that Shibazaki was opening. Like an overexcited golden retriever, he waved a hurried hello and half-shouted introduction to Shibazaki's wife before bounding into the kitchen. The smell of food was thick in the air, and his brows raised with surprise and delight to see Lisa helping cook.

Shibazaki was a bit more kind to Nine's situation, holding the door open with a smile for the young man. Nine gave him a poisonous look that seemed far more hurt by Twelve's neglect than actual hostility. Shibazaki gave him a soft nod in understanding.

"Lisa's cooking?" Twelve laughed, after he'd hugged the girl tight and nuzzled his face into her hair, breathing in familiar smells, chasing out the sterility of the hospital. "And the apartment hasn't burned down yet?"

"You're so mean!" Lisa batted him away playfully as he tried to encircle her waist from behind and poke his head over her shoulder to better see the noodle-filled stew they were making. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted Nine in the living room--she'd never seen him with his bracers on, just saw them sitting against the wall when she'd come to visit him, usually set up in a chair or hospital bed. "Oh, Twelve, stir this for me," she said, carefully ducking out of the boy's arms, who gave her a groan of mock-troublesomeness.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 10:18 PM

Lisa approached Nine, and Shibazaki took his cue to go see what was up in the kitchen. The boy eyed Lisa warily, but offered something like a polite smile. "You look busy," he commented quietly, shifting his weight to his slightly-better leg.

"Just a little," Lisa laughed, patting her hands on her apron that she'd put on to protect the light yellow dress she wore. They were a bit sweaty from all the steam in the kitchen. "I think you'll find my cooking has improved quite a bit since you last tried it."

"I hope so. If not, I'll have to go back to the hospital," Nine muttered, but Lisa's laugh brought a genuine smiling tug to the corner of his mouth. "Heard from your mother?"

"Only occasionally," Lisa mused softly, the air around her quieting into something somber. "She's vacationing in America right now. I think she's doing better. I certainly am..." The concept of a mother, abusive or not, was foreign to Nine, but it was nice to see her not quite so timid, so wallflowerish. "I wish you two could stay... either here or at my apartment."

"Believe me, the nurses will be far better company than you or that old man." Lisa's eyes crinkled slightly at the edges with a humorous smirk at him, before it faded quick as a flash into her regular placidity.

"I should get back to the soup. And Twelve. Ah--I know it isn't my house, but... please, sit wherever you like," she said hurriedly, and Nine felt a twinge of bitterness that he was, indeed, getting very tired just from standing up. Lisa's back was turned and she was halfway to the kitchen before Nine picked a plush chair in front of a television, on but muted, to sit down in.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 10:32 PM

Having had nothing but hospital food for quite awhile (save for one particularly sweet nurse who had snuck in some takeout for him, once the hospital had deemed it safe enough), Twelve's senses were alight with excitement when the bowl of noodle stew was placed in front of him. "Thank youuu," he said in a singsongy voice, looking over at Nine sitting beside him. The dark haired boy glanced him, then at the soup, leaning in to breathe in the smell of it. He sighed in spite of himself, and Twelve grinned hugely at Nine's obvious moment of contentment. The soft blue haze of Nine's sigh was one he knew well.

A small burst of yellow broke through as Lisa began speaking. "Better than burnt ramen noodles, isn't it?" she chirped, sitting down on Twelve's other side. Haruka gave her a puzzled grin.

"That was years ago--you still remember that?" Twelve laughed, and Nine made a face, recalling the disgustingly inedible dish from days of old.

"You obviously do, too," Nine interjected a small jab at Twelve, who only laughed more and picked up his chopsticks. "I suppose you would, you were dumb enough to try to eat it."

"You two are such buuullies," Twelve whined, twirling some noodles and slurping them up. Lisa and Nine shared a brief moment of wordless camaraderie at Twelve's expense, and after a bit, the kitchen area was filled with the sound of eating and quiet, infrequent conversation.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 10:41 PM

"So?" Lisa asked quietly, after a few moments. Shibazaki looked up from his bowl and eyed her hopeful expression as she looked at the two boys. "What did you two think?"

"I'll never tease you about your cooking again," Twelve mumbled, leaned back, looking about as strung-out as could be, full of food and happy. "Unless teasing you makes you even better at cooking..."

Nine shot Twelve a look, embarrassed on his behalf, then looked at the bowl again with a small nod. "It was very good," he said simply, and Lisa clasped her hands together with a grin, looking over at Haruka excitedly.

"I told you this recipe was a great idea. Hard to mess up soup," Haruka whispered from her spot next to Lisa. She glanced at her mom as she got up to refill the pot of tea on the table. "Mom, could you grab that thing I put in the fridge?" she asked, making a circle shape with her hands. Lisa raised an eyebrow, curious.

Shibazaki stood, after a moment, and cleared his throat. "Since this is a special occasion, I just wanted to say a few words. If that's alright," he said, glancing up at Nine and Twelve, who exchanged a glance before seeming to shrug in unison. Shibazaki's voice was a strange, sickly grey, Twelve thought--but not unpleasant at all. Just dusty, and thin, like a hungry dog without the confidence to beg for food. Or maybe his senses were just dulled from the hearty taste of soup. "It really will only be a few words. I think you know me by now."

"On with it, on with it!" Haruka barked good-naturedly, waving at her dad with a grin. From the kitchen, her mother gave a muffled chuckle. Haruka's voice was a bubbly orange, almost too much for Twelve to process easily.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 11:25 PM

Shibazaki shot his daughter a look, then smiled slightly and looked back down at his glass of water. "I only want to say that... though things certainly could have turned out differently, I'm very glad that you two are alive and on the mend. And I'm glad that you could join us tonight, and that things could resolve as well as they did."

Both boys' eyes flickered at that, and Twelve smiled, a resigned little nod coming from him. It wasn't over, he was certain--not everything had been revealed, but the seed had been planted for investigation to begin. The money that the Japanese government had forked over to keep them quiet for the most part had paid for Twelve's heart transplant and Nine's medication as well. Twelve was alright with leaving it there, but he could tell Nine wasn't.

Twelve glanced down at his soup. He wished Nine could be content with just sitting here around a table, with a family, with food, with warmth. No bombs. No plutonium. No plan.

Twelve's foot gently brushed Nine's leg under the table, a quiet comforting touch. Nine could barely feel it, his legs were so numb with unfeeling.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 11:36 PM

To break up the slight awkward atmosphere that Shibazaki had created with his good-natured speech, his wife came over with a covered dish--distinctly cake-shaped. Haruka piped up, now, leaning over the table slightly to grin. "I made this last night with my mom, from scratch I might add, so you all better have saved room."

Twelve seemed to notice that Nine wasn't responding to his nudges, so he abandoned it for the time being and beamed at Haruka. "No way. What is it?" he asked excitedly, leaning his elbows on the table and peering at it. Haruka's mother lifted the covering to reveal a not-too-shabbily decorated cherry cake. "Ooohh... I'm suddenly not full at all," Twelve mumbled--if he had a tail, it would be wagging a mile a minute.

Nine was curious about it, for sure--he almost never ate sweets, save for the occasional things Twelve would bring home and offer him in the past. "It looks great," he murmured, and Haruka smiled, pleased with herself and picking up a large knife to begin cutting it.

"Thank you, Haruka! This is amazing!" Lisa said, taking the small plate with a wedge of cake on it offered to her with shining eyes. "Oh my gosh, I can't wait to eat this..." Admittedly, she didn't like whole cherries, but she loved cherry flavored things. She carefully removed the cherry from on top and set it aside, then dug in.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/29/2017 11:52 PM

Twelve glanced at the cherry and grinned. "Hey, Lisa, can I have it?" he asked.

"You've got one already," Nine scolded him lightly, feeling his twisted-up feelings from before wind down now that he was fed and the medicine he'd taken with food was helping with the pain in his head. "Don't be greedy."

"Mine doesn't have a stem, though," Twelve said, happily accepting the cherry from Lisa with a soft smile of thanks in her direction. Nine looked perplexed for a moment, as Twelve popped the fruit into his mouth, stem and all. Nine shrugged to himself and tucked into his cake, eating slowly and savoring it. It was tart, not too sweet, and very, very delicious to be sure. "Ah--ah! Look!" Twelve said, his tongue very obviously sticking out by the sound of things. Nine and Lisa looked up at the same time to stare at the cherry stem, tied in a knot on his tongue. Nine felt a flustered warmth wash over him that stopped about halfway down his midriff, or at the very least, he lost track of it among the numbness.

Lisa didn't look much better, her face a dark pink at Twelve's unabashed nature. "T-Twelve, don't stick your tongue out, that's..." she started to say, before Haruka elbowed her slightly in the arm and wiggled her eyebrows up and down. "S-stop that!" Lisa squealed, her face flushing as she swatted at Haruka's elbow, the older girl laughing hysterically. Shibazaki shook his head, exhausted by the energy of the younger guests. He caught Nine's face out the corner of his eye, noticing the flush of red on the boy's cheeks as he hurriedly ate the rest of his cake. He took a quiet mental note of that, filed it away in the 'things I shouldn't assume' cabinet, and continued eating his own thin piece of cake. Diets were the worst. He really wanted a bigger piece than that.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/30/2017 1:38 AM

Eventually conversation wound down, and the young adults found themselves in the living room, cups of tea in hand with the TV turned on low. Shibazaki was helping clean up in the kitchen, separated from his ex-wife blessedly by his daughter, who was washing a pot in the sink between them.

"Do you know how long before you're officially discharged?" Lisa asked the both of them, sipping her tea and peering over the edge of the cup.

"No idea, unfortunately," Twelve mused, already finished with his tea. "I feel pretty great most days, especially today, but..." he trailed off, then shrugged. "The doc likes to keep an eye on us. And most medicines don't really work too well sometimes, because... well. Yeah."

"'Well, yeah,' is right," Nine muttered, then sighed, and it was a different sigh this time--Twelve felt the agitated navy sputter across his vision. This time he reached over and gave Nine a soft touch to the arm.

"You'll lose those braces soon enough," Twelve said softly, and Lisa smiled, nodding her head in agreement. "Remember, at first you couldn't walk at all. Or move. Or..." Twelve quieted for a moment. He'd had a couple of years to think about how they'd almost died, almost lost each other, some moments more treacherous than others, the one time the doctors said it might be better to simply amputate Nine's legs, the time Twelve's tissue just wasn't healing right, just wouldn't close up, when his heart just gave up (and Twelve didn't blame it--he missed the old thing, but the new one was nice, too).

Nine was silent, then quietly moved his arm away from Twelve's touch, not liking the way Lisa was staring at them. The concern in her eyes. The empathy. He wasn't fond of it. He wasn't much fond of being pitied at all.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread

 

Re: [Quest] For Everyone Born [Self]

Postby zapdragon555 » 11/30/2017 3:29 AM

"Where will you two go, after that?" Lisa asked quietly, thumbing the edge of her teacup. A silence fell over the room for a bit, Twelve's mouth twisting into a pensive line.

"I don't know if we're allowed to live on our own, anymore. Whatever happens, we're staying together, though." Twelve blinked, then looked over at Nine, suddenly looking a bit small. "I... I think?"

Nine blinked, tilting his head at Twelve. "Of course," he said simply, which seemed to brighten the other boy up considerably.

"We'll figure something out. And we'll visit you a lot, as well," Twelve chirped excitedly, reaching over to grab Lisa's hand, then looked at Nine and offered his other hand as well. Nine stared at it, a foreign feeling stirring in his chest--something like discomfort. Something he never really felt around Twelve.

That being said, it wasn't unpleasant. Nine reached out and held Twelve's free hand, and looked across the way at Lisa, who smiled shyly at him. Nine found it in himself to smile back.

I wrote it down
In the winter of 1610,
Just a secret under
Lock and key until then.
While collecting the stars,
I connected the dots.
I don’t know who I am,
But now I know who I’m not.
I’m just a curious speck
That got caught up in orbit.
Like a magnet it beckoned
My metals toward it.

Make my messes matter,
Make this chaos count,
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
 
Keystones: 420
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: i transformed into the closure that i lost when i learned about the tragedy of all of us
Status: no more shame, no more fear, no more dread


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