[The_Swill]

Mr. Sludge had been hoping for an amazingly super day. In fact, his beloved palmist had guaranteed it after whisking away the last of the coins in his pocket with a big grin on her face. What he got instead was a frighteningly large amount of sharp objects rather too close to his softer bits for his liking.

"Please gentlemen, be reasonable," he wheedled unbecomingly. "How was I supposed to know that owing money to a loan shark indicated any ulterior motive other than the charitable endeavor of establishing banking rights for the underprivileged?" Violent mutterings rained down on him from the small crowd of viciously unwashed people around him, their collective stench washing over his delicate nose so overpoweringly that he felt his lungs threatening to collapse out of sheer resentment. "I'm sure we can all agree that if the loan shark knew about the way you assume people would slander the untarnished valor of his business by associating him with unremitting brutality he'd be very disappointed in you. Let's settle this with words like civilized gents, my good men, not violence."

It turned out the gentlemen were some heretofore unknown definition of 'civilized' as of yet unwritten in the dictionary and after being intimately introduced to several, rather sharp gentlemanly objections via his internal organs Mr. Sludge decided that palmistry was a load of hogwash.

Posts: [2]

[The_Swill]

Thus disillusioned with everything concerning the mystic, Mr. Sludge lay in a widening pool of what he tried not to think of as his own blood and concluded morosely that he was almost out of options and would soon be forced to try religion after all. The metallic taste of blood in his mouth greatly disturbed him until he realized it tasted something like how he imagined a spaceship would taste. Realizing that he hadn't given alien life forms a decent chance to wow his existential sensibilities and that he wouldn't have to resort to organized religion just yet cheered him immensely. So much so that he felt energized enough to attempt to get up and out of the alley.

Unfortunately his internal organs were way ahead of him in that department and he lurched forward sickeningly, half crouched with one hand to his stomach to keep them from spilling out into the streets like a muzzy, drunken group of teenagers looking for a good time in all the wrong places.

Posts: [3]

[The_Swill]

Knowing the exact kind of trouble a group of drunken teenagers could get into, having recently (recently-ish, if you didn't examine it too closely) been one himself, Mr. Sludge knew he was going to have his hands full keeping them in line. Thankfully he'd been at it for no more than ten minutes (though showing an astonishing flair for parenting he was already threatening to disown his organs to teach them a lesson for their bad behaviour) when an old sleaze of a man walked by right as Mr. Sludge was telling Timmy the intestine how disappointed in him he was.

Posts: [4]

[The_Swill]

Self-styled The Swill - as in the ship The Swill - absolutely named after him (or possibly himself after the ship) took exactly three long strides beyond the figure of a man hunched over and bleeding out in the alley before he stopped short and frowned.

Odd.

There wasn't anything terribly interesting or even unusual about people bleeding in the back alleys around here. He himself had even helped a few unlucky wayfarers discover firsthand how the mundanities of dying in a back alley failed completely to evoke compassion from the denizens of the Dead Coast, but this, this was a bit...atypical.

"I'm a doctor, a great doctor and I've seen everything. Or I thought I had. Are you disciplining your lower intestine?"

Posts: [1]

[The_Swill]

"As a matter of fact, I am," he replied, a pout hanging low and red in his otherwise disconcertingly bloodless face, "but he's giving me a load of bollocks about being an 'adult'. He's practically impossible. Really, it's a good thing you're here. I've heard that parenting works best when there's more than one person involved. Would you care to give Timmy here a piece of your mind? Or possibly the back of your hand? Respect is what he needs to learn and I'd learn him until he cowered and gibbered under authority like a proper child should, but I'm afraid I don't have it in me to really lift...my arms...anymore." He crumpled to the ground still clasping a hand firmly against his wound, his face a mess of sweat and pain.

"Did you say...you're a ...doctor?" he gasped out, eyes a bit glassy, but still talking a mile a minute. "I could use a ...a doctor in my life right about now. Doctors have money. If I married a rich doctor then I...wouldn't have to...would...Would you marry me?"

Posts: [5]

[The_Swill]

And just like that, The Swill had the best idea he's ever had - taking ownership of The Swill notwithstanding.

He'd made a career out of taking advantage of other people and this right here was pure gold - just didn't come any finer. Pulling out a pen from one dirty waistcoat pocket and a rolled up receipt for a meal he'd skipped out on he ambled over to the slumped figure and slid down the wall to sit companionably by him, propping the paper up on one thigh as he lazily wrote. Occasionally, he stopped scratching away to listen and make sure the victim was still breathing before going back to his writing. Once satisfied with is work, he leaned back, lit a cigarette then blew a lungful of smoke into the other man's face, choking him into a half-cognizant stupor of pain and stupidity.

"It's your lucky day, kid. Your very own wedding day. I'm The Swill and if you marry The Swill I can fix your stomach so that you ain't ever gotta see Timmy and his downwardly-mobile little behind ever again. Do you like ships?"

Posts: [2]

[The_Swill]

Mr. Sludge had a feeling this 'The Swill' wasn't making quite as much sense as he could be what with sometimes referring to himself in the third person and all, but it was getting pretty hard for him to follow all those smooth words. Mostly they were just soothing babble about some kind of ship - spaceship probably - by this point.

"I'ove ships," he slurred. 'M name's Sludge Swain. Swain. 'Cour I'ove ships. I'ove The Swill. The Swill'll marry me, righ'? I gotta getta hold'a this hole in m' tummy, doc.

'Cour I'ove ships." He said again. "S'like m' name, man. The name! Ships m'nt ta be mine all along"

He sighed happily at this revelation - palmistry; religion, it all paled in comparison to the holy power of spaceships - he could taste it on his tongue.

Posts: [6]

[The_Swill]

"Then that's all there is to it. You love ships, you're a Swain. It's like you and The Swill were made to be together. You want The Swill to fix your stomach right up all you gotta do is marry The Swill. I've got a document all written up here. Just dip your finger into that mess around you and make a little 'X' on this here line, that's a good man."

Posts: [3]

[The_Swill]

The world as a whole was making less sense by the minute. Mr. Sludge was seeing colors he hadn't previously known existed. So, he was getting married, and to a doctor at that? His mother would be so proud, bless her little heart. Actually, since her heart was currently being used as a relic for some dark occultist religion it would be more accurate to say 'curse her little heart', but political correctness aside he was sure she'd be happy for him.

Eyes swimming with hallucinations, he made a shaky little 'x' where The Swill told him to and promptly passed out for good.

Posts: [7]

[The_Swill]

Kneeling in the dirt and grime of the back alley, The Swill threaded a large bone needle he procured out of a place best left unmentioned and proceeded to deftly suture Mr. Sludge Swain's stomach back to some semblance of it's original form.

"You can come to dock 7 for the honeymoon, sugar." Laughing so gaily that he felt like slapping his knee for dramatic effect, The Swill went along his merry way, rubbing blood off his fingertips absently as he planned out another party to commemorate the successful lengthening of his bachelorhood and all the ways his ship The Swill was going to take advantage of its new wife.

Posts: [4]

END FOR NOW - might continue this later

((It's 3AM and I'm in a mercurial mood. Don't judge me ;__;))