[ToxicShadow]

(Subeta doll ref)

Three months.

It had been three months since 'Elda's life had been saved by a reaper. Three months since things went much farther than they had originally bargained for. Three months since he said that they would see one another again. Three months since she'd been involved with any man at all.

When it all happened, she had resigned to the fact that the likelihood of ever seeing Tahnvi again was one in a million, and she thought that she would have been okay with it at the time. Every waking moment that they spent together, she had been consistently reminding herself not to get too involved, no matter how incredibly happy and important he made her feel. However, he'd gone allowed her to hope, when he, in a round about way, promised that they would see one another again. With that hope, she waited, and waited, yet three months had flown by and there was not a single sign of him returning to her side.

Maybe, just maybe that would have been all right as she returned to her dull, every day life, even though it left her bitter and her heart broken, but some twisted fate had other plans for her. Not all that long after their encounter, she missed a very important visit from her one and only 'Aunt Flow.' Oh, how she waited, praying, for once in her life, that the dreaded week of bloody hell would happen, but it didn't come, and neither had he. One positive pee-on-a-stick pregnancy test later, purchased discreetly among her usual groceries, her world was breaking apart. There was absolutely no way that she could be pregnant, that she could be a mother! She discarded the incriminating object in the trash, almost angrily, but as reality settled in, her feelings changed. Crawling into her bed, she desperately clutched a pillow to her chest, curling around it, as she tried to reason with herself to no avail. She broke down, crying and crying, face buried in the pillow, until she couldn't cry anymore. Within hours of the confirmation staring her right in the face, and her hope of seeing Tahnvi again dwindling drastically, her dread lead her into adamant denial.  

For a handful of weeks, 'Elda remained in denial, following all of her usual habits as she would have, with the exception of not reciprocating any interest from any man (or woman, for that matter). She was incredibly lonely, to the point of despair, but her usual methods of talking with random strangers could never fill the void that had developed within her. Since when had she grown so terribly attached to Tahnvi that it was breaking her without him? She only let herself wonder about it once during her period of denial, when she was sitting all alone at home, even more tears rolling down her cheeks as her heart ached and brought a very real pain to her chest, before burying it deep inside the recesses of her mind. She couldn't afford to think about him and why he hadn't returned. When she woke up one morning with insatiable nausea, which hadn't let up even after she emptied the contents of her stomach, she couldn't continue to live in denial. The relentless morning sickness, which wrought her a little earlier than the average woman, had driven 'Elda to make her first doctor's appointment, paid out of pocket, where it was confirmed by medical diagnosis that she was, indeed, pregnant. Though it was still too early to tell anything useful at the time, she was supplied with nausea medication, which helped to ease her ailment. Though it was far from eliminating it, it allowed her to return to work, to continue to pretend, at least under public eye, that she was absolutely fine.

By the ten week mark she had gotten really desperate when he still didn't appear, driven to consider abortion, an option that she had tried so hard to avoid. She gotten just down the street from the clinic, before she abruptly changed her mind. Though she was unfit to be a mother, there was no way that she could dispose of the unborn growing slowly inside of her, something created between her and the reaper. Whatever rested inside her womb, not even any real semblance to a child yet, was her only connection to him. Even without that weighing on her mind, knowing what it was like to be an unwanted child would have been enough to stop her. She couldn't throw away a child like she had been thrown away, left alone to rot in this awful world.

Today, 'Elda had headed out of the house to turn in applications at many various places, from a big time casino to cafes to hole-in-the-wall restaurants and book stores. In most cases, the pay wasn't as good as what she could get with her current work, but she was painfully aware that she wouldn't be able to hide the small bump that was already showing on her normally thin abdomen beneath jeans and frilly shirts much longer. The heels alone were already unbearable, which had lead her to purchase flats to wear outside of work, which weren't all that much better. Turning in the last of the applications at some local antique shop, and receiving the typical statement, "We'll call you after we review your application," which tended to be a lie at least half of the time, she was set to make her way back through the streets. The nausea had left her without eating all that well the last few days, only managing to hold down a piece of butterless toast earlier in the morning, and it was finally getting to her. She figured it a good idea to at least try to eat something, from somewhere. Finding a small sandwich shop in a fairly busy area, now that it was into the lunch time hours, she managed to get down half of a simple sandwich and a glass of ice tea. However, sitting all alone at an otherwise empty table with nothing to keep her mind preoccupied, thoughts about the pregnancy came rushing into her mind. Though she appeared to be operating just fine, the woman was a total wreck on the inside, and she wasn't sure if she could take it anymore. Quickly, she paid the bill, leaving her unfinished food, and left the shop. It was wise to get home before she had another episode, which was happening more and more frequently.

Less than two blocks away from her apartment, the tears she had been holding back betrayed her for the umpteenth time in the last three months, spilling over rapidly. In the middle of the sidewalk, which was, thankfully, entirely unoccupied on her side, she crouched down with her face buried in her hands. Her body shock violently, unable to control herself and the unrelenting fear. 'I can't do this,' repeated over and over in her mind as cars went by on street, many disregarding the speed limits, as drivers usually did. No one bothered to look her away, or at least say anything. Her heart ached in her chest, like it was about to burst, and definitely not in the good way. No longer able to reason sensibly, acting more unconsciously than anything, 'Elda rose to her feet, moving to where the sidewalk and road met. A large truck was coming down the way, speeding more than it should have, and as it drew closer, she closed her eyes tightly, moving her feet almost mechanically to step out in front of it.

[MillietheWarrior]

(Ref 1), (Ref 2)

When Tahnvi had wondered if Lord Death would be angry about him revealing himself to a human, he never could have anticipated the grand reaper’s actual response. Thinking it was wise to reveal what he’d done to his ‘boss’ himself as soon as possible, Tahnvi had gone to see him only two days after Elda had left his apartment. He’d been rather upbeat, excited over the idea of seeing her again, finally having a friend, and maybe something more. When she’d stayed the night at his apartment, he’d never dreamed that what had happened could’ve happened; it had been quite the shock to him, but it was a pleasant shock, and he’d been in high spirits for the rest of the day, happily answering each and every job call he received and getting them done in record time. When he’d gone to see Lord Death however, his ’master’s’ feelings on the matter turned everything upside down.

“You did WHAT?!”

Normally, Lord Death had a very chipper, upbeat voice, one that most people would find ridiculous for the God of Death. However, today, that ‘pretend voice’ was gone, replaced with a darker, more sinister rumble that had Tahnvi shrinking back and looking nervous.

“I-I didn’t think it would matter,” he protested meekly. “She’s just one human. She promised me she wouldn’t tell anyone, and she’s really nice!”

“And you believed her?!” Tahnvi flinched back again as Lord Death loomed over him, skull-like mask narrowing it’s eyes in displeasure. “You know the rules, Tahnvi. Your are forbidden to have contact with any human in such a manner. I thought I made it abundantly clear when you became a reaper that you were not to engage in any so-called ‘human activities’ with any mortal and non-supernatural. And now you have broken one of the cardinal rules of being a reaper! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

Tahnvi felt his knees shake as he lowered his gaze, kneeling in front of his master and keeping his head down out of fealty and respect. “I-I…I’m so lonely,” he whispered at last. “I know that nothing I say can make it right, and nothing I do can make up for it, but I-I was so tired of being alone. I just wanted something normal for myself. A friend and-and maybe something more. She was so nice, and I c-couldn’t help it. I wanted her to be my friend and stay with me! She even said she’d have lunch with me!”

Lord Death’s face softened slightly, old voice returning and speaking gently. “Tahnvi, I understand that you feel alone. And I am sorry that you feel that way. But you know associating with humans in such a manner is forbidden. With another supernatural, it would be another story. But humans…they aren’t ready to know about creatures like us, and they never will be. It’s been done in the past, and it’s never turned out well for the participants involved. I’m not trying to keep you isolated. I’m trying to protect you. This woman may have seemed nice, but in the end, she is a human. She is mortal, and she can never understand our world. I know you care for her but…I’m sorry, you can never make contact with her again. I forbid it.”

Tahnvi’s head snapped up, anguish seeping into his features as he stared at Lord Death with wide, horrified eyes. “But-but Lord Death-!”

“I’m sorry Tahnvi. But that is my final decision.”

“Can…Can I at least tell her…goodbye?”

Lord Death shook his head, turning to gaze into the Mirror of Worlds that stood behind him, large hands behind his back. “No, Tahnvi. I’m sorry.”

It had been three months since he’d been forbidden from seeing Elda. Lord Death’s rules were absolute, and Tahnvi had kept his distance from her. Of course, when he said ’kept his distance’ he meant that he was watching out for her. If he couldn’t say goodbye, then he could at least do her a favor and keep an eye on her to make sure nothing bad happened to her. At first, it had been far too hard to watch her and not rush over and wrap her in his arms, or speak to her, or call out to her, so in his stead, he’d sent Pooky, the shadow dog, to look after her. Pooky hounded her every step (no pun intended) and looked after her for Tahnvi, reporting any unusual instances or behavior (of which, according to the dog, there was none). After a few weeks, Tahnvi himself decided to check in on Elda, and what he was seeing was rather disturbing. Although outwardly, she appeared relatively fine, inwardly, her soul was dimming, losing the bright, wonderful quality that made it so beautiful.

To anyone else, this might’ve seemed like no big deal, but to Tahnvi and to a reaper, it was very, very troubling. Souls didn’t just dim for no good reason; there had to be something seriously wrong with her. And the more Tahnvi watched, the more concerned he became. He’d seen her visiting the doctor’s office, leaving with a small bag of medicine, and he wondered just what exactly was wrong with her. But he had only been a reaper for eight months, so he wasn’t skilled enough to determine a human’s physical and mental status from the shine of their soul alone. He’d sought out a few other, more experienced reapers, but none had offered him any information worth using, and all had cautioned him against continuing his following of the human woman. Ignoring their advice, however well meaning it might be, Tahnvi continued to watch over Elda at every opportunity he got, watching as her soul dimmed further and further and continued to worry him more and more. His heart ached to be by her side, to comfort her, to talk to her, to have what he considered his only friend back in his life. He didn’t think it was right that Lord Death had banned him from seeing her, but how could the God of Death understand his love for a human woman?

Tahnvi mulled over reasons and ways he could get Elda back into his life, but he continually came up empty; there was nothing about her that made her anything but mortal and human, and to be with him, she’d either have to be a denizen of Lord Death’s world, a supernatural, or a reaper herself. Since she was none of these, Tahnvi saw no real hope, but that didn’t deter him from watching her, keeping her safe, and keeping dark souls away from her. She probably didn’t know how many times a tainted spirit had tried to take her over, had lusted after her soul, had followed her home from work or the market. Each and every time, Tahnvi (or in the beginning, Pooky) would destroy said spirit, and, he reasoned with himself, he was still performing his reaper duties to the fullest extent even while watching her, so there was nothing to worry about. But still…Tahnvi watched, day after day, as her eyes and her soul dimmed, and on one particular day, he wondered at her strange wanderings to places she never normally visited; she was clutching papers in her hands as he watched from the shadows, going into stores and restaurants, casinos and hotels and all manner of establishments as the stack of papers dwindled and got smaller.

She wasn’t wearing heels either, and Tahnvi wondered at this sudden change; she’d always wore heels, all the other times he’d seen her, so why now, flat shoes? Taking care to remain a shadow himself, Tahnvi watched as she listlessly dragged herself to a café, feeling a pang of guilt and sadness and self-loathing at the fact that he just wasn’t strong willed enough to break Lord Death’s rule and run over to her, wrap her in his arms, and tell her how sorry he was. Sighing quietly to himself, Tahnvi was about to leave, sending Pooky in his stead to watch over Elda because he really needed to get back to work, when he saw her stop in the middle of the sidewalk, tears suddenly rolling down her cheeks. His heart twisted painfully, and for a split second, he had to fight the urge to leap out and console her. But what happened in the next moment made his heart stop twisting and leap into his throat.

Elda had stepped off the sidewalk, eyes closed, as a truck came hurtling towards her. Tahnvi felt his blood run cold, freezing in his veins as his body sprung into action without him realizing it. In the next instant, he appeared beside her in a flash of shadows and smoke, his face etched in horror as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, dragging her back into the shadows with him just as the truck whizzed past the place they’d just been. They reappeared in a darkened alleyway, materializing  from the shadows and darkness with a ‘poof,’ and Tahnvi’s suddenly white, too-pale face twisted into one of relief, as he clutched a hand over his heart and breathed heavily. “What…what is wrong with you?” he demanded, straightening and holding her at arm’s length so she couldn’t escape. “You could’ve been killed! You could’ve died! Do-do you know what would’ve happened?! I would’ve had to be the one to take your soul to the Underworld! Do you have any idea-!” He stopped, breathing heavily, and closed his eyes, praying for patience and calm. “Nevermind. N-never mind. Just…Just tell me what you were thinking. Why would you even want to do that?!”

[ToxicShadow]

Seconds. She was counting the seconds from the moment her feet left the sidewalk. Though the world around her was as loud and boisterous as ever, the noise fell upon deaf ears. The world around her had seemed to slow, to go dead silent, as if she was already no longer a part of it. All that she knew were the voices in her head, her own thoughts, and a memory. 'But why am I remembering that now...?' she wondered. "You know, your life is valuable to each and every reaper... Like me. You matter to me because you are a good soul. A vibrant soul. I could see it when I first saw you; you might have been given up and unwanted, but that doesn’t make your soul any less bright and alive. And if you died, you would be missed. You just don’t know it." They were the first words of true kindness she had ever heard, and coincided with the first time she ever cried because of Tahnvi. Surely, he would be disappointed in her now, if he had truly cared about her in the first place. 'I'm sorry.'

In the next instant, she felt an all too familiar sensation, and she vaguely wondered if dying was normally this warm and painless, and, even more importantly, if it was supposed to feel just like the reaper's shadows when they had moved through them those months ago. Her eyes were still tightly shut and the tears had stopped, a strange sense of serenity washed over her. Though, some foggy noise was breaking through her calm, forcing itself deep into her mind. "What…what is wrong with you?" Wait. That was no noise, she realized, it was a voice. His voice. Her eyes flew open as he held her at arm's length. The very sight of him made her heart feel like it had jumped into her throat. No words could be formed, and as he spoke to her, the words ran together as her mind muddled them up in its attempt to process them. It didn't matter what he was saying or that, by the tone of his voice, he was mad at her. He was there, where she could reach him again. She threw herself into him, burying her face into his chest while her hands clutched tightly at the fabric of his shirt. Even more tears fell from her eyes, down her cheeks and into his shirt. So relieved to have him with her, she couldn't even feel guilty about messing up his clothes.

She was shaking as she spoke, her words muffled against him, "Y-you were gone." It was all she could manage at first, and she clung even tighter to him as she said the words, completely terrified that he would vanish into thin air again and leave her behind, alone and forgotten. "Y-you said that we would see each other again, but you never came back for me. A-and... I waited... But you never came, and I've been dealing with it all alone! I don't know what to do, I can't do this alone, but you just didn't come back. A-and it was the only thing I had of you. I-I'm scared. Please don't leave again!" The last of her words came out like a desperate plea. She just couldn't be without him, not now, not ever.

[MillietheWarrior]

Tahnvi had expected an explanation, some kind of fight, or even a happy embrace, but he wasn’t quite prepared for this. Granted, she’d just tried to kill herself, so he wasn’t sure why he’d expected any other reaction, but it still made his heart stutter and wilt with sadness. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, and silently thought that Lord Death’s rule could go back to hell, where it belonged. He didn’t care if it was forbidden for him to see her; holding her in his arms, he realized everything he’d been missing, and he knew that this was where he belonged. He even noticed that her soul brightened, and silently wondered if it was him that had caused it. Placing on hand on the back of her head, Tahnvi held him to her, resting his cheek on her hair and making  quiet, reassuring noises, meaningless words that were meant only for comfort and nothing else.

“Shhhh…Don’t cry. I know,” he murmured at last. “I know, and I’m so, so sorry.” He was, he really, really was. There were times when he’d almost broken the rule, almost jumped out and told her he was there, but he couldn’t; he’d gotten off easy last time, but this time, he was sure he’d be in for hell (no pun intended). Still, with Elda in his arms, shaking, crying, her soul fluctuating between bright and dim, Tahnvi found he didn’t quite care. He’d never had anything to treasure in life, but now he’d found something that he would do anything to keep in death. “I-I thought we would,” he admitted quietly. “I was so sure that Lord Death would be understanding. But he forbid me from seeing you again. He told me…he said it wouldn’t work, because we’re just too different. All of it was against the rules but…”

But now he was back for good? He couldn’t tell her that, because he wasn’t sure what would happen now that he’d broken Lord Death’s rule. But she sounded so desperate, and it hurt his heart. At least he could ease her mind for the time being. “-But I’m here now. It’ll be okay. And you know, I’ve been watching over you since you left. I-I couldn’t talk to you, or be near you, but I could still be sure you were okay. I just…I’ve been worried though. Your soul…it’s dimming. And I saw you…I saw you go to the doctor’s. What’s wrong, Elda?” He stroked her hair gently, looking worried as he pulled away slightly, gazing down into her eyes. “And…What did you mean by you’ve been ‘dealing with it all alone’ and ‘it was the only thing you had’ of me? You can tell me.”

[ToxicShadow]

Held within his embrace, it was as if time had stopped just for her and, though her heart was racing from the onslaught of panic and excitement, his presence immediately made things more bearable. He was warm, comforting, safe, all things that she had in no one else, ever, and something she hadn't expected to find in anyone, let alone in someone she had known only so briefly. For a moment, she even wished that time really could stop, that they could stay like this and not have to worry about anything, but reality was painful. He was here with her now, and that stopped the tears from falling with the aid of his soothing gestures, but that didn't mean that he would remain. Incredibly relieved as she was, she wasn't about to allow herself to think that things could remain this way. It would be too painful to believe and be hurt again.

His reasons and explanations made perfect sense, and a small part of her felt bad for not considering that it could have been that Tahnvi had been forbidden to see her. But, even if that were the case, she wished that he just would have told her, somehow, even if it was just leaving her a note somewhere. It would have helped, even if only a little, to know that it wasn't his decision not to see her again rather than leaving her to assume that he'd simply lied to her and wanted nothing more to do with her. (She didn't think of him as such a person, but as those weeks loomed over her, she couldn't deny that she hadn't harbored such terrible thoughts.) If she had only been given the chance to tell him what happened, before she reached her total breaking point, maybe she could have avoided such drastic measures. Though, it was those measures that brought him back to her...

"Knowing that...doesn't quite help," she uttered, it actually even more painful to think that he had been right there, just barely out of her reach and out of sight, then gone away entirely. It was comforting, yes, but still very painful. She finally managed to let go of his shirt in order to brush away the tears streaked across her face, compose herself as best as she could, and attempt to meet his gaze. The things she had to say were awfully important, that much was apparent on her face, along with her nervousness over the issue. "I haven't been okay, not at all..." Wasn't that much clear with the fact that she had just stepped out in front of a fast moving vehicle that could have easily flattened her?  "I went to the doctors for... nausea medication. I've been... sick a lot." Yeah, she was beating around the bush, badly, but she wasn't quite sure how to just tell him now that she was less frantic and thinking clearly (thus other silly emotions were making it difficult to just be honest). She wasn't prepared to be a mother, even with three months of time for it to try to sink in, and she easily remembered their conversation about neither of them imagining themselves as parental figures. "And I have to go back to the doctor's office soon."

With a sigh, she grabbed one of his hands, pressing the palm of it firmly against her stomach, which had only just started showing - the universal sign for her 'ailment.' However, as she just decided to come out and say it, her gaze shifted back down, looking at their hands as she was unable to look him in the eye. "I found out awhile back that I am... pregnant." 'And I have been freaking out ever since,' "I-I wanted to tell you sooner, but you never came around, and I just... I just couldn't handle it on my own. I denied it at first when you didn't show up, but then the longer I waited, the more... broken I felt, and I... just panicked. And I thought, maybe, this way, you might come back... You're... a reaper, after all." What other way could she have possibly made him come for her?

[MillietheWarrior]

He felt guilt seeping in; if only he’d been a little braver. He’d always been right there, she’d always been just out of reach, and Tahnvi had foolishly believed he was protecting her by staying away from her. Who knows what could’ve happened to her. He worked for Lord Death, but he also worked for the Bureau of Supernaturalism, and while their job was to protect humans from the supernatural, they weren’t above getting rid of someone who was a potential danger and risk to their operation. Esmeralda could’ve been considered just that if you took into account how much she knew, and Tahnvi would die a thousand times over again before he let someone hurt her, even if it was Tsume, or Lord Death himself. Gritting his teeth at the thought, his arms tightened briefly around Elda, before he gently lifted her away from him, gazing into her eyes and her too-pale face as she explained things to him. “I’m sorry,” he said again, feeling somewhat reminiscent of the times he’d apologized in his apartment for unwittingly complimenting her.

This time it was a hundred times different, but he still couldn’t help the warm feeling that blossomed in his chest at the thought of being able to talk to her and apologize to her again. “I just…didn’t want you to get hurt. Lord Death didn’t even let me say goodbye. I wish we’d met when I was alive; then maybe I would’ve had a lot more to live for before I died.” He patted her hair, pulling her to him again. “And maybe I wouldn’t have died in the first place. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I was afraid for you, but now I see that…being away did more harm than good.” If this was what he caused when he left her side, then he didn’t want to ever leave her side again. But how could he promise to stay with her? How could he promise to be by her side for more than these few, brief minutes if there was no way they could be together? If Lord Death got it into his head to contact the bureau administrators, they would most assuredly be sent after Elda, either to wipe her memory, or wipe out her existence.

He couldn’t allow that, even if it meant being apart, even if it meant causing them both pain. He didn’t think he could live with himself if she was killed. Leaning back, his face melted into a mask of concern, and he briefly placed a hand on her forehead. “Have you been sick? What are you sick with? It’s not something bad, is it?” He couldn’t exactly figure out if her temperature was normal, considering his own was below normal, so he dropped his hand from her forehead, frowning thoughtfully. “I wish I could do something to make you feel better. I-I’m not a healer or anything…” but he knew some people who were. Maybe they could help. But how did he explain Elda and her ‘human-ness’ to a healer? They would surely know that a reaper and a human should not be seen together. Healers were generally neutral, and treated humans and supernaturals alike, but a mortal with a reaper visiting a healer was highly suspicious, and would not be overlooked. Ugh, why was everything so damn complicated?!

Gripping his hair in frustration, Tahnvi took a deep breath, before dropping his hands to his side, allowing Elda to take his wrist and place his hand against her stomach. It felt a little rounded, strangely enough, and he wondered at that; she didn’t eat all that much, so why had she gained weight? “What is-?” He began, but was cut off when she told him exactly what was wrong with her. Tahnvi distinctly remembered the moment before he died; the world had frozen, and all he could remember seeing was the car coming towards him, right before it hit him. He remembered the smell of the asphalt, the feel of the sun on his skin, and he remembered the fear and horror burned into his veins as he stared death in the face. This felt a lot like that moment, and for a full minute, Tahnvi stared down at Elda with his mouth hanging open just slightly. He really wanted to say something, or do something, but all he could manage was a blank stare, eyes wide and body frozen where he stood.

After another minute passed, he finally managed to gather his voice, and it squeaked out in barely a whisper, breaking as he croaked; “W…w…wh…what?” How was that even possible? Tahnvi was DEAD! He shouldn’t have been able to procreate. What kind of children were they? Technically, they were already half dead. Or were they half reaper? What was going on? How did this…how could this… Tahnvi felt his brain go ‘pop’ and something inside of his mind snapped as his legs suddenly decided they couldn’t support him anymore. In the next second, he’d sunk to the ground, and the shadows around him quivered, jumping and writhing as though reacting to his sudden spike in fear. “I don’t…Oh…God…I’m…so…sorry…” he managed to squeak, not sure what else he was supposed to say or do. “T-this is all my fault! I’m s-so sorry!” Tahnvi shouted suddenly, as if unable to control the volume of his voice.

The shadows jumped again, dancing wildly and reaching for their master. But Tahnvi did not disappear, and he sat on the cold ground, reality sinking in as he put his hands over his head, breathing deeply and trying to calm the fear and shock sweeping through his mind and body. “Oh no, no…What are we going to do? I-I have to take you to a healer, Elda! They have to make sure everything is all right! The-the kids-” because now that he gave her a good, hard look, he could see something that appeared to be multiple souls leaping around her larger, brighter one. They were so dim, he couldn’t count them, but he could definitely, distinctly see that there was more than one. “-the kids won’t be human! We have to-to make sure…to make sure they’ll be fine! And-and you too!” He gasped for breath, fingers digging into his scalp as he nearly hyperventilated on the ground, breathing quickly and unevenly as he tried to gather his scattered wits and thoughts. “We-we can’t tell anyone! Do-do you know what could happen?” No, she didn’t, but Tahnvi did, and he swore that no matter what, he’d never let anyone take her, or his…children. No. Matter. What.

[ToxicShadow]

The dreaded silence that fell over Tahnvi when she had let him in on the important secret left her nervous, unable to look at him as she waited for it to register within his mind. Though, with his voiced squeaky shock and horror, his words made her flinch. Perhaps now, in the middle of some dark alleyway after she attempted to kill herself and they'd only just met again, wasn't the best time to tell him. Yet, had she not told him now, she doubted that she would have such an opportunity again.  Besides, he has asked. He wanted to know the truth, which he had every right to hear. Closing her eyes as she stood there, she repeated words that would be familiar to him, "Don't apologize." He did that a lot, regardless of the subject, didn't he? Only, this time, she followed it up with an addition, "Well, if you're going to apologize... Don't apologize for my being pregnant. Apologize for the fact that you were not around for me to tell sooner." It had driven her absolutely mad facing it on her own for so long, not knowing if and when she would ever see him again. Him, the father of her unborn children, and the one that made her feel happy, and... loved.  "That's what... really hurt. I couldn't possibly face this on my own." It wasn't his fault that he couldn't see her, and she didn't blame him, but her unreasonable feelings were the same nonetheless. She missed him, longed for him in the that that he was gone. If one if them were to take specific blame, then it would have to be 'Elda. She had kissed him first and she was the one that had practically forced herself onto him the night that she had conceived their children.. Had it not been for her, nothing would have gone as far as it did.

When she heard a very distinctive slump, she opened her eyes and, as she had expected, she found him on the floor in an interesting and daramatic scene. This was all hard for her, too. She couldn't forget all the nights she spent curled into a ball, weeping, convulsing, shaking as darkness and despair consumed her within but a few moments. Yet she was working on a remedy for that; just by being with Tahnvi made it feel as though a weight had been lifted on her chest, and his presence filled the growing void within her heart. Weakly, she smiled, despite all of his fretting.

She knelt down in front of him, a calmness having finally washed over her, if only to negate his panic. "I know they wont be human, Tahnvi. That's simple enough to figure out, but you need to calm down a little, before you have me freaking out any more than I already am." She thought he was taking it considerably well, much better than he could have been, but of course she didn't know what would happen. "If we're forbidden to see each other, I don't even want to imagine how this would go over...But none of it seems good." She frowned deeply on the outside, but internally, his words brought a much greater concern. "Look, I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm telling you right now, i-if you're with me Tahnvi, then I cannot bare the thought of anything happening. I don't want to be apart from you any more, and I especially don't want to lose...our children." Her own hand moved over her stomach, almost protectively. She'd been able to deal with it alone for so long knowing that any children she may have been carrying had a part of both of them. They were their children. "But I'll listen, so if you want to go see... a healer? Then so be it. Whatever you think is best."

[MillietheWarrior]

Tahnvi managed to jerk his head backwards, looking hurt at her accusation. He knew she was right; it had hurt him every second that he watched her and couldn’t reach out to comfort her. He could only imagine the pain she’d gone through, especially knowing she was pregnant, which was completely his fault (And he’d apologize a thousand times over for it if he needed to, even if the idea of having children made his heart skip). “I’m sorry,” he squeaked, and meant it, just as he had every time he’d apologized. “I-I really am sorry. I wanted to be with you, I did! You have to believe me! It was so hard not being able to talk to you, to see you and not be able to go near you. But I was forbidden from being with you again. I’ve disobeyed Lord Death’s orders once, and I couldn’t do it again; but-but now I guess it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t just let you kill yourself, even if it meant…”

What did it mean? What would Lord Death DO to him? Could he die twice? What if he was stripped of his reaper status? What if he was sent to hell? What if…what if Elda was punished for his wrongdoing? That last one made him shudder, and he clenched his fists tightly, hands clenched against the cold, hard asphalt beneath him. Lifting his arms, he ran his shaking fingers through his hair, nails digging sharply into his scalp as if to remind himself that he was still here and he needed to focus. “I-I really am sorry for all of this. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I’m such a screw up! I failed at life, and now I’m failing at death! I can’t do anything right!” He breathed deeply through his nose, closing his eyes tightly as images of what his children’s futures might be like.

He didn’t think he liked what he saw; there was no room in the world for people like him, and even less room in the world for hybrids. They’d either be hunted or killed on sight, and he could only imagine that the Bureau would want them gone simply because they existed. And what would Lord Death do? Tahnvi managed to raise himself to his feet, though he stumbled a few times. His legs felt like jelly, and he wasn’t sure if they’d ever be normal again. Even dying the way he did hadn’t been as big of a surprise as this. “We-we do need to go to a healer.” Shakily, he reached out and gripped her hand with his, offering her a weak, watery smile. “I know one. Do…you mind traveling by portal?” He wasn’t sure if it would affect her adversely, but he’d done it once, so it should be okay. He just didn’t want her getting sick or anything. “She…she’s part of an organization I work for, but she’ll keep quiet if I ask her to…”

[ToxicShadow]

Of course she believed him when he said that he wanted to be with her in all the time that they were apart, he didn't even have to tell her to believe in him, she just did. There was absolutely no reason for 'Elda not to, and she had already gone and put her faith in him that night three months ago. She'd probably believe anything he told her, because she didn't even think it was possible for him to lie. Some part of her wanted to be mad at him for not being around, and yell and scream to prove it, but she kept rationalizing that it wasn't his fault that they had been separated. She was honestly too relieved to have his presence beside her restored to even consider being angry at him right now.

"If I had killed myself, it wouldn't have just been myself," she uttered, as if she was realizing it for the first time, her expression growing somewhat ill, suddenly disgusted by her actions. Tightly, her fingers clutched at the fabric of her shirt over her stomach. A deep rooted pang of guilt washed over her, though she tried not to succumb entirely to it. "Damn it, what was I thinking?" Instead, the anger she wanted to feel toward Tahnvi was directed at herself. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' she repeated over and over in her head, thinking about the unborn, still developing life within her. There was no justification for taking the life of something innocent and throwing it away without regard. She had truly believed that Tahnvi would come for her if she did something stupid, and it seemed to have worked, but what if she had been wrong? Gah. She didn't even want to think of that as a possibility! I did come for her, and that was what was important now.

Shaking her head, she was able to look back at Tahnvi with a stern expression. "None of this is your fault, damn it. If anyone is to blame, I am. I insisted to spend time with you, I kissed you, I... I had to go and have feelings for you that I never should have. I provoked you, it wasn't the other away around. Quit blaming yourself!" While he preferred taking the punishment for himself rather than it happening to her, she viewed things in the opposite light. She would rather be punished for all of this, though just herself, not the children. He'd already had a difficult enough time in his life.

With her hand in his, she blew out a withheld breath, attempting to calm herself. Too many things were going on inside of her head, that she felt like it was about to explode. Anger at herself, frustration, happiness in just seeing him again, guilt, wonder, and a sudden undeniable urge that she wanted to protect the children developing inside her, regardless of the cost. "It... should be fine. You used your powers to rescue me, did you not? I don't feel sick. And... I trust you." Her words were spoken with a faint, reassuring smile. If visiting a healer was what it took to give him some reassurance, then she would be okay with it and, perhaps, they could tell her something that the doctor couldn't.

Her eyes moved to their conjoined hands, growing misty, as she was mulling something else over in her mind. "I don't know if you realized it or not, but... this is the closet thing that I have ever had to a family." Desperately, she didn't want to lose it.