[Jessari]

Shadow still didn't understand. He wasn't even trying to understand. Habria sat there, hands clenched in her lap and teeth grinding together as he belittled her. He made it sound so easy, like all she had to do was waltz out the door, and everything would be fine. He had no idea of what her life was like. Well, he might have a half-formed idea, considering the fact that he'd been lurking around for who knew how long, but he couldn't see inside her head, and he apparently hadn't been around for any of the 'not-arguments' she'd had with her parents.

As soon as he sat down again, she sprang up from the couch to stand before him. To see a grown man plead and cry was an awkward thing, and there was a large part of her that still wanted to comfort him, but he'd scoffed at her attempt, made her feel even more useless than she already did. No, it was much easier at the moment to just let herself be angry.

When she spoke, her voice was deceptively quiet and full of controlled fury. "Do you know how many visits I've had from friends and family in the past year?" She held up one hand, four fingers extended. "Do you know how many calls?" She raised her other hand, adding only three more fingers to the total. "Don't talk to me about being alone and forgotten and expect me to melt."

Habria lowered her hands again, shoved them deep into her pockets. Every muscle in her body was so full of tension that she felt she'd literally creak if she tried to move. "And don't you dare act like I'm a silly little girl who needs to be set straight. I face a battlefield of my own every single day." She stabbed a finger at the door. "It may be a couple of blasters short of a true battlefield, but I can assure you the terror that hits me every time I step out that door is very real."

And yet she'd found the strength to collect her mail on a semi-regular basis, and even tend a small garden just outside her living room window. She would have told him as much, but she'd gotten herself so worked up she couldn't talk. Without a second glance back at Shadow, Habria stomped into her room and slammed the door behind her. She crawled up to sit at the head of her bed and hugged her pillow to her chest. Burying her face in it, she let out a frustrated growl. It had been quite a while since she'd been this upset, and she wasn't known for dealing with negative emotions well. Just breathe.

[MillietheWarrior]

Shadow didn’t even lift his head to stare at Habria when she sprang up from the couch. He didn’t say a word; her words were like stones, hitting him in the gut. All they did was remind him how lonely he was. He felt his heart sink, beating painfully in his chest. Wait…Was it beating? Shadow didn’t know anymore. How could your heart beat if you weren’t living anymore? Her problems seemed insignificant compared to his own. She had a life to live, and whether or not she chose to live it here or out there, it was still hers to live.

Shadow didn’t even have that chance. He couldn’t have anything he’d ever wanted. He was denied even his most basic rights, and now, he was denied the possibility of getting his life back. Shadow lifted himself off the couch, floating dejectedly through the halls after Habria, not even pausing when the door was slammed in his face. He felt like a walking ghoul; was he doomed to roam and wail and cry about his misfortune? He passed through the door without caring if she didn’t want him around her or not. He hovered near the edge of her bed, just watching her.

“I remember when I was very little…My brothers and I were put into a live fire exercise. I remember the acrid smell of the bombs exploding, or the heat from the blaster shots that flew over my head. I remember hearing my brothers sob, and adding my voice to theirs. I remember feeling scared, and thinking I was going to die.” He drew in a deep breath, ‘sitting’ down on a spare chair in the room. He lowered his eyes, resting his elbows on his knees. “I remember, after we made it through that, I promised myself that I would never die. I would find a way to survive everything that life and the army could throw my way…that I would live to fight and to keep my brothers safe. I never wanted to see them cry again. I never wanted to see them hurt. I wouldn’t let them be killed…But now…”

He drew in a deep, shuddering sigh. “Now I can’t do that. I broke my promise, to myself, and to my brothers. I swore I’d be there for them…I swore I’d never leave them. Think about how much you want to see your family, Habria. Think about how you’d feel if something happened to them and you could’ve prevented it. Think about how much it would hurt to lose them. That’s how I feel. I need to be there for them, Habria. I need to keep them safe. Now I have a chance to get back to them, to protect them…and you can’t help me because your afraid to go outside…” He ran a hand over his face, looking ragged and tired. “Please, Habria. Let me help you, so you can help me. It’s not such a scary place for normal people like you, but it is for people like my brothers and I. We’re out there, everyday, fighting to keep you safe. And the least you could do is return the favor…if only by helping me get back to them.”

[9]

[Jessari]

Oddly enough, even though her face was still buried deeply within her pillow, Habria sensed Shadow entering her room. He made no sound as he drifted into what had previously been her private chambers. She didn't move, hoping he'd go away and leave her alone do deal with her misery in peace. She had enough emotional baggage to deal with already, and here he was, wanting to saddle her with even more. Anger? Check. Frustration? Check. Immense sadness? Double check. Go ahead, she thought, knowing he wouldn't remain silent for long. With such a cocktail of negative emotions running through her brain, why not add guilt to the mix?

It probably would've been better for Habria had she been cold-hearted instead of merely crabby. Shadow's voice, soft instead of laced with the anger as it had been before, carried his story straight to the center of her being. After completing the daily quota for her online job, she'd had a lot of free time to research any random topic that came to her mind. It wasn't as if she had a bustling social life, after all.

The Clone portion of the GAR was one of the subjects she'd spent a span of several days on. Several hours into it, she'd run across an interesting forum on the worlds-wide web. The admins there were (hopefully) very careful to keep their real names and locations secret, and the information they'd put forth was simply unbelievable. Habria had sat there wide-eyed and open-mouthed as she devoured topic after topic. Could things like this really be happening in the same Republic she'd always trusted in? Apparently so. Shadow's story made it clear that it wasn't just a few anarchist crackpots trying to sow discord among the populace; things like this were real, and, if she had her guess, commonplace.

For several long moments, her only response was to grip her pillow tighter. Cutting off the stimulus of sight and, to a certain degree, smell, seemed to dull her emotions, allowing her to keep herself under control. She needed to think. The weasly, cowardly part of her that usually ran the show sternly crossed its arms, telling her without a doubt that she couldn't do it. She was too weak. She'd always been too weak.

But another part of her, a quiet, timid part, whispered that she had no choice - she had to help him. How could she do anything else? She let out a quiet groan, the small sound swallowed by the pillow. Things had been this way for so long that it seemed impossible for them to change, no matter how much she wished for them to. And there was another question that had just raised its head. "If I helped you," she began, voice muffled by the pillow still pressed comfortingly to her face, "if I managed to somehow make it out of my yard and to the place where your body is, how are we going to get in? I doubt they're going to just let me waltz right in like royalty, and I can't walk through walls like you can." Habria dreaded his response. Shadow didn't have a good track record with giving her answers she liked.

[MillietheWarrior]

Shadow brightened almost instantly. There was hope. However slim, however small, there was hope. She was on her way to agreeing to help him. He was on his way to getting his life back. He felt a surge of emotion swell up in his chest, and he lowered his head briefly to cover his face with his hands, fighting back the tears of joy that threatened to spill. It wasn’t, after all, for sure that she’d help him yet. But that tiny glimmer of hope was enough to nearly have him crying again. When he lifted his head, his eyes were shining slightly, and his voice was rough with emotion when he spoke.

“I’ll find a way,” he said softly. “I’ll find a way to help you. I can’t get in there on my own. I’ve tried, believe me…I’ve tried. But if I had help…” He paused, smiling brightly. “Maybe my brothers could help. Maybe we could find them first.” He suddenly stood, and floated across the room to hover beside her bed, watching her with an anxious expression. “Are you really going to help me?” he asked in a small voice, wringing his hands nervously.

“Can we…start today? I’ll help you to leave the house. It’s not that scary outside, I promise. I’ll help. I can be helpful.” He sounded anxious to help her with her problem, but mostly  it stemmed from his desire to have his body back. He just wanted his life back. “Come on,” he said quietly, reaching out to touch her hand and tug on it. His skin was icy cold, though he had no idea it was. He would have passed through any other person, and left them chilly, confused, and frightened. But Habria was different. He could physically touch her, and his hand didn’t pass through hers as he gripped at it, gently pulling to try and get her up and off the bed.