by Flame » 01/03/2011 10:48 PM
[Fffff~ Prepare for novel-ness. XD Just a friendly warning, hehe. ;3]
Sam seemed almost afraid to meet his gaze, whether it was hidden by his sunglasses or not. She was certain that Shades probably thought that she was an absolute idiot now, especially for losing her cool so easily over what she assumed shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as she made out of it. Generally, it took quite a bit to fluster her, but this…this had been a completely different topic from what she was used to talking about, especially with him, and not one which she had touched upon before. To say that it had caught her by surprise would have been a vast understatement, to say the least. It had staggered her so much that she couldn’t even begin to consider the possibility…not until she’d had a chance to calm down and think it over rationally, at least.
What didn’t quite hit her until now though, was the possibility that Shades actually felt something for her, and that he hadn’t only showed up to humor her and break potentially disappointing news to her. What if he’d truly, genuinely cared for her more than he let on? That this entire time, he’d been harboring his true feelings for her under a guise of friendship? If that was indeed the case, then this matter ran even deeper and closer to the heart than she ever could have expected or imagined, and Shades…poor Shades; Sam could only imagine what she had inadvertently done to him, especially considering the inexcusably tactless way she had handled the situation. The thought alone was enough to twist her gut painfully, only being able to imagine what sort of agony she might have just put him through. She plucked up the courage to tear her gaze away from her coffee cup once again to glance nervously at him, her eyes seeking some sign as to what his thoughts were. However, he seemed almost unaffected by everything that was going on…either that, or he was terribly good at concealing his emotions, his gaze carefully hidden behind his sunglasses. Either way, Sam couldn’t get a read on him and was forced to continue shooting in the dark, none the wiser to what was going through his mind.
At his comment about her boyfriend, she managed a small, sad smile, hearing the old Shades she knew and loved reemerging slightly from his cocoon of impassiveness. “I’ve…I’ve tried, but he’s been busy with work and all, especially these past few days. You know how it goes.” She shrugged lightly, the gesture halfhearted, her gaze drifting away wistfully as she spoke. “I just don’t want to be a burden on him, is all.” A tiny, almost imperceptible frown furrowed her normally cheerful features as she looked away, her focus fixed somewhere in the unseeable distance. Sam was one of those people who saw no wrong in others; she just seemed to assume that everyone kept to their word, and always seemed to look on the optimistic side of every situation. When she was in a relationship, she was the type to throw her entire mind, body, and soul into it, regardless of how happy (or unhappy) it made her. Perhaps that was the reason why she would never suspect her boyfriend of anything and would always give him the benefit of the doubt, regardless of his actions, and perhaps it was also the reason behind why she had never had the opportunity to consider Shades in that light. She had always been taken, albeit not by the same person the entire time, but despite all of their fickleness and infidelity, she always remained faithful, regardless.
Sam blinked when Shades spoke up again, her attention finally drawn back to him and out of her own unspoken thoughts. She was glad for the change of subject, although this matter was not on a much happier not in comparison to the last. “I wish there was something that I could do to help,” she finally replied, her voice wistful. “I suppose the best you can do is to be there for him when he needs you. Perhaps with a little luck and compassion, his wounds will heal over time.” Again, Sam felt that same, familiar pull at her heartstrings for the plight of these men, for the unfairness of their existence and the suffering they were forced to live through. She was about to say more when Shades decided to change the subject once again, and she fell silent, although a mixture of emotions – primarily concern – still furrowed her brow.
She was surprised and mildly confused for a moment when Shades reached forward to take one of her hands before dropping a small, light item into it. Glancing down, she unwrapped her fingers slightly to reveal a petite, beautifully carved figurine shaped in the likes of an armor-clad commando. She seemed captivated by it for a moment, her gaze wandering over the minute details in the little carving before she lifted it to meet his again. “You made this? For me?” Her voice was gentler as she asked, her eyes flickering down momentarily to take it in again. “It’s beautiful.” She tucked it carefully into a pocket, where she was sure she wouldn’t lose it. However, a small frown once again returned to her façade at Shades’ words, her eyes hardening slightly. “Don’t talk like that. After all, you know you made that promise to me that you’d always come back. Whether it’s for me or not, you have to come home safely.”
The faint tinkle of bells as the door of the café opened and closed hardly registered in Sam’s mind; after all, she had much more important matters to be worrying about at the moment. However, the people who walked by her happened to be considerably more difficult to passively ignore. For a moment, her attention snapped away from Shades and onto the newcomers, not quite sure whether or not to believe what her eyes were telling her. A moment or two later though, she had to admit that she couldn’t deny what was almost literally standing right under her nose. The man that had just walked into the store was none other than her absent boyfriend, who was supposedly ‘at work’ right now. However, it was his companion that was the main source of Sam’s concern. That someone happened to be a woman whom she had met once, very briefly, at her boyfriend’s workplace, a woman that was somewhat…risqué by nature. Perhaps…perhaps he was just out to grab a coffee break with a friend, the same way she currently was with Shades. Yeah, that was probably it.
Sam suddenly seemed to remember the presence of her companion, and she shook her head lightly, her expression somewhat apologetic for spacing out all of a sudden. “That’s…” she began, but the words seemed to stick in her throat for a moment. “That’s…my boyfriend.” She gestured towards the pair with a faint tip of her chin, finding her gaze uncontrollably drawn towards them. …How often did co-workers kiss each other full on the lips during coffee breaks? She watched as he pulled the woman tight against him while she giggled and as he planted a deep, fervent kiss on her lips right in the middle of the coffee shop. Even Sam’s benefit of the doubt couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse for his actions, and there was a moment of numb shock where the whole world around her seemed to fall silent, everything seeming to become non-existent but her and the blistering, glaring truth that screamed in her face, raw, painful, undeniable. So, this was what he’d been doing every time he’d told her that he couldn’t see her due to ‘work’? After everything she had given, all the time and love that she had sacrificed for him, this was how he repaid her? Sam stood, a tempest of emotions raging through her mind and her eyes as she took a step towards the pair, as if to give him a proper piece of her mind. However, before she could get any farther, her resolve seemed to shatter before her eyes and she turned, just barely managing a choked “I’m sorry” to Shades before she rushed out of the café, face buried in her hands as she escaped into the street.
For a few minutes, Sam ran blindly, not caring about the looks or shouts she got from the people who she passed by on the street. How could something like this have happened to her? She felt as if her entire life was falling apart right in front of her eyes, and despite the fact that she was normally quite resilient, even in the face of a crisis, the combined effect of both events which had occurred in the café in such close succession was enough to send even her emotions crashing and burning into an anguished turmoil. When she finally came to a stop, her heart pounding furiously and her breath coming in short, tortured gasps, she found that her feet had carried her blindly to the park in the middle of the city, the odd patch of greenery which stood out starkly against the smooth, monochrome starkness of the buildings which surrounded it.
She sank down weakly onto a nearby bench, her face in her hands as quiet sobs wracked her entire body, a lonely image of lost brokenheartedness, alone in the middle of a vast world which didn’t have the time to care. An odd sense of déjà vu crept up on her as a faint memory whispered to life in her mind, and she vaguely realized that this was the exact same bench she had come to, the last time this had happened. Perhaps there was just something about this particular place when it came to her and her broken relationships. However, despite the tormenting familiarity of it all, she knew that this time, things wouldn’t happen exactly the same way as they had before, and it certainly would be for the better. This time, there would be no kind soul to sweep her up and soothe the pain away with gentle words, no Shades to come to her rescue when she needed him the most. She had unintentionally pushed him away as well and she knew it, and there was no way that he would come back around again a second time, only to somehow be let down by her again. He deserved more than the heartbreak which seemed to haunt her like a dark, relentless aura wherever she went.
Sam had never felt quite so alone and forsaken in what had suddenly seemed to become an immense and uncaring world in her entire life. There was no one there for her, no one to turn to, no one to keep her company but the mournful moan of the wind as it gusted about her, as if reflecting her misery. She felt something digging uncomfortably into her leg, and as she reached into her pocket, her fingers wrapped around the little wooden figurine that Shades had carved for her out of what little time he had between missions. Even in the face of a war and all of the pain, suffering, and hardships it brought, he had always somehow made time for her in his life. A fresh pang of pain struck her at the sight of the carving as it sat unmoving in the palm of her hand, and she rubbed a thumb gently over its sanded contours, the worn texture of the wood oddly soothing. As a fresh wave of uncontrollable sobs hit her, she clutched the little figurine tight against her chest, the only solid thing left for her to hold onto as she cried her broken, shattered heart out to an unhearing world.