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Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 3:49 AM

Image

These sorts of sleepless nights were getting to the point where Wesley was tired of fighting them. He figured a year was enough time to get used to living outside of the dorms, and moreover, used to living outside of school. Without homework and without a job, living off his parents' donations and the money he'd saved from his part time job in college, Wesley felt like he was living in a strange, vaguely adult fog, and it was doing nothing in the way of making his future clear in the least. He'd finished his degree, somehow or another--that was something to be proud of, he guessed, but after jumping from math to biology to psychology to astronomy, he wondered if he'd actually retained a single thing, after it was all said and done. His head felt as empty as ever.

He'd read online that depression--if that was indeed what was looming over him--was meant to make you sleepy all the time. What he wouldn't give for that symptom, and not this crippling insomnia that seemed to plague him no matter how much melatonin and pills he consumed. Wesley sighed into the open air, shifting his position, his spine aching where it was pressed against the hard surface of the apartment complex's roof.

At the very least, staying up this late made it pretty easy to see the stars. That was one positive thing that Wesley couldn't help but smile a little about. But another, darker part of him kept saying that he should drop the hobby altogether. Stargazing. It wasn't productive, and it only really reminded him of his past, which was a thing that Wesley was trying very hard to avoid. He never was very good at facing his problems, but he was pretty damn good at being melodramatic. A small smirk quirked up the corner of his mouth at the gentle, self-deprecating thought.

Yeah. Maybe he should go back inside. It was frigid out there.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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Re: Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 3:55 AM

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he should.

Somehow, he couldn't really find it in himself to get up. Wesley opened his eyes--he realized he'd had them closed for the past couple of minutes--and blew out a warm breath into the air. He watched the cloud flit away with the chilly wind that brushed past his face, and let out a few more, taking comfort in the fact that he was alive. It was little things like this that kept him from losing too much hope about himself as a person worth something. He was still producing heat, and air for plants, and he had a lot of movies to watch and shooting stars to still make wishes on, even though he knew he was too old for that kind of thing. It was a thin veneer, but it was enough to hold back the heavy tidal waves of darkness that threatened him on his worst days.

An errant thought wondered if Narcyz was feeling something similar. An even more errant thought had a hope that he was.

Wesley clapped his hands over his face, the light pain enough to knock the intrusive thoughts out of his head. Stop, stop. Stupid--he'd made a deal with himself to put that guy out of his mind forever. They were done--he was done. They'd been over long ago, and they were still over now, and that meant that Wesley didn't have to consider Narcyz's feelings any more than he'd consider a stranger's feelings on the street.

But then... Wesley always was a pretty empathetic guy. And boy, did it suck sometimes.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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zapdragon555
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Status: I love you, and... and you don't pay me."

Re: Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 4:10 AM

"Fuck," Wesley said aloud, clear, into the air. It felt horrible. He always did hate cursing, and now he really did, because Narcyz would curse like a sailor any time they were around other people. He'd never done it in private--hell, Narcyz had never even raised his voice in private. He'd always been kind. Considerate? No; Narcyz wasn't a communicator and wasn't a good judge of feelings. But then... Wesley wasn't very good at showing feelings. He was a bad communicator, too, Narcyz had said. It was partially his fault, too, what happened, he'd said. Why hadn't he just spoken up about it? It's easy. It's easy...

"Fucking... stop..." the words wound out of him like an exhausted plea, certainly on the verge of tears but far too cold and tired to produce anything. Why did it visit him, at such sacred times as this? Stargazing--this was his thing. Narcyz had no right to invade his mind when he was out here with no one but god and his thoughts. Narcyz wasn't welcome. He'd been locked out of Wesley's heart, and so he incessantly knocked on his brain instead.

Maybe he ought to see someone about this, really. He felt all over the place about it--some days it felt good to stew in it. Other days he wanted nothing more than to forget everything, start over entirely fresh and new. He had days where he felt like dying might be not such a horrible idea after all, but on most days he clung to life like a parasite, refusing to let go because surely, surely he'd get over this. Something would change. Something always had to change, to break the cycle, because nothing that felt like this could last forever.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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zapdragon555
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Re: Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 4:29 AM

Wesley grit his teeth. He felt angry, which was better than that crushing weight that seemed to nest in his ribs. He curled slightly, back straining as he gripped the shirt he wore, and screamed the word skyward with every ounce of frustration he had. When he paused for air, the sound dissipated like mist, lost to the sounds of the city far below. That one... hadn't felt so bad, actually. Wesley was left breathing hard, half curled on his back with his knees tucked close, and he slowly lowered his legs to lie flat, the fight driven out of him once again.

And then, there was light.

It took Wesley a split second to squint, and then shut his eyes with a cry of surprise as the sky streaked with white, and forced his lids open to watch as the stars seemed to slide across the sky. Afterimages of the little white lights crisscrossed in random patterns, no rhyme or reason to their weblike pattern, and fear gripped Wesley's heart as they seemed to writhe and hum.

And then, and then, nothing. Normalcy. As though nothing had happened.

"What the..." Wesley whispered, heart hammering in his chest harder than it had in years. He sat up, staring at the dark sky, and by some strange instinct or divine providence he jerked his head to the left just in time to see a mass fall out of nothing, and plummet down into the alleyway beside the apartment complex with a great crash.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
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Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
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Status: I love you, and... and you don't pay me."

Re: Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 4:38 AM

Had... had someone just jumped?! Panic and worry gripped Wesley's chest as he seemed to work out that whatever he'd just seen was a person, or at least person-like, and without thinking he was already getting up to his feet and running towards the door to the lower floors. One mad dash to the elevator and subtle speedwalk through the lobby later, for he was beginning to doubt, on the way down, that he'd even seen the thing or if it was real or not, he finally arrived outside.

It was warmer, down near the street, with the hum of cars and streetlights giving the place a strangely humid feel. Wesley took a moment to get his bearings, looking left and right and turning in a circle to try to discern the direction he'd seen the thing fall. Pinpointing it, he rushed towards the place and fumbled for his phone, ready to call an ambulance if needed. He stepped into the darkened alleyway, eyes wide and breathing shallow, looking around and listening for movement. "H-hello?" he called softly, swallowing with an audible gulp.

No response was, admittedly, a bit worse for Wesley's mental health than any semblance of a human voice. Had he imagined the whole thing, in actuality? The idea was frightening. He... he wasn't developing psychosis, was he? Was that a thing one could develop? Oh, he'd have to google that later--

A quiet, groaning sound came from deeper into the passageway, and Wesley felt his heart stop for a few moments in his chest. Oh god. There was a person in there. There was literally a person in there, and Wesley had seen them fall. They were dying--surely, they were dying, oh, he needed to call 911 as soon as possible, but for some reason, he found himself fumbling for the flashlight app on his phone instead. He really needed to work on his panic responses.



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


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User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
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Keystones: 485
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Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: "I mean... for me, I could love someone even if I, you know, wasn't paid for it...
Status: I love you, and... and you don't pay me."

Re: Hurricane's Eye [Self; L]

Postby zapdragon555 » 01/29/2016 4:47 AM

Image

"Agh--shit, man, put that thing away."

Wesley blinked at the face that his light landed on, surprisingly not torn up from the fall. In fact, it looked as though the person had fallen directly onto an old mattress that someone must have thrown out, though Wesley certainly didn't remember seeing anyone lugging an old mattress around, recently. He flicked the light downwards to glance over the man's body, which looked pretty intact as well, though his clothes looked about as weird as anything Wesley had ever seen on anyone in that little town. A tourist? The things his mind arrived at under pressure. Really.

"Um!" Wesley's voice started back up from the silence he'd been stunned into, and he lowered the flashlight to point at the ground. "A-are you--are you alright, sir?" he called into the alleyway, suddenly realizing how cold it was out there now that the adrenaline was fading. "Do you need me to call an ambulance? I have a phone--"

"I know you have a damn phone, you were blinding me with it just now. Geezus." the man barked, audibly irate, and Wesley drew in a sharp breath as he heard movement from the man's direction. He shone the light upwards again, effectively blinding the poor guy once more, and he uttered a sharp curse and shielded his eyes with a hand. "Just calm down, alright? I'm not here to hurt you, so lay off."

"O-okay," Wesley said dumbly, stepping aside as the man brushed past him, sending a violent shiver up Wesley's spine. Something about this guy felt... utterly inhuman. It wasn't a thing he could place, but his gut wouldn't let him think otherwise. "Okay... wait... w-wait!" he cried, spinning around just in time to see the man leap upwards with a speed and angle that only confirmed his suspicions, and land, perching, on the tip of a streetlamp.

"Don't bother me. I'm trying to figure shit out right now," the man muttered, chewing on a fingernail as he fiddled with the furred cloak around his shoulders with his other hand. "So can you give me a sec?"

"Uh," Wesley breathed, feeling woozy, and he staggered backwards a little to sit on the bench outside the apartment complex. "S... sure. Sure, I'll just... wait."



But there will come a time
You'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair



"Tomorrow will be a good day."


Pen | New Pen | Breed | Wish | Sales | Art | Imp. | Add-ons

User avatar
zapdragon555
Will Draw For Food
Will Draw For Food
Pets | Items
Keystones: 485
Donate
Joined: 02/24/2009 11:10 PM
Location: "I mean... for me, I could love someone even if I, you know, wasn't paid for it...
Status: I love you, and... and you don't pay me."


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