Never been one to walk alone, always been afraid to try.
Way to start a walk- crappy song lyrics. Jemma was disgusted with herself. Oh well- worse has happened. Specially in the past few weeks. Why was life such shit? Another paw landed on the ground marking the end of her thoughts. This walk was supposed to be calming but instead it looked like it was just going to make her worse. But she wasn't in the mood to be with friends or family or anything of the sort. She just wanted to be alone and to be far, far away from herself. That did not seem likely, so the least she could do was go have a pity party where no one would see her.
Everywhere was so crowded nowadays. There was nowhere you could go alone and at least here in the caverns she didn't have to see the people around her. Didn't have to look up and smile- pretend she was okay. Put the mask on and let it fall again. Over and over. It was getting so tiring. She was done faking and done dealing with just everyone around her. Alone. To be alone was to be peaceful and to be peaceful was to be alone. At least for now it was.
Another few steps of silence. Dripping echoed through the cave as Jemma's mind went silent. But then- like it had to- the wheels began anew.
Just what was she doing with her life? Two months ago there was a plan. A good and solid plan. One that would work and that she thought would make her happy. Now- she just wanted something new. Something different and excited. She didn't want the old plan but she didn't have any other ideas. No other plans. She wasn't sure- something she hadn't felt in a while. Maybe she was just getting cold feet. Maybe she should go ahead with the old and pray to god she was not going to fuck this up too. Who knows- in two months she'll be as sure as ever. Hopefully this was just a phase. If not... Well god help her. Maybe she'll end up taking a gap year. But another year in her house might kill her. So no, that wasn't an option.
What am I going to do?
Jemma was nearly at the point of melt down. Sometimes it came down too hard- there was just a bit too much. She broke. But she hadn't broken yet. Not today. Tears would not flow today. They couldn't- she was above all that. She just had troubles but other people had it worse. It would get better. It will get better. She told herself.
If she said it enough- she might even believe it.