Aerowyn grinned at the mention of the rest of the squad. ”’Warming up’ to me, huh?” She asked, amused. ”If that’s the case, then I don’t know whether I prefer Fixer liking or hating me.” She laughed: It was true though…it seemed that nothing she did could win the approval of the constantly stern hacker, and after a while, she had simply abandoned her attempts to let him stew in his own discontentment. The other squad members seemed quite willing to take her in, especially Scorch, as Sev had mentioned. She had already found herself at the brunt of many of his wisecracks and jokes, but took them all good-naturedly, although she wondered how long it would take him to finally exasperate her, as he seemed to have done with his brothers. Nonetheless, she was surprised to find that despite all the discomforts of adapting to a completely new lifestyle, the last day or two which she had spent with the squad had undoubtedly been the most enjoyable she’d had in the period of her entire life.
As she mulled over her thoughts, she became aware of the fact that Sev was staring over the table at her with an unsettlingly penetrating gaze, his expression unreadable. The sensation made her feel rather fidgety, as though he could read her like an open book. Finding herself unable to hold that keen gaze, she instead propped her chin on her hand, her eyes wandering out the window as they watched the cold, wet world go by. The gloomy weather created a sort of stillness in the atmosphere, as if the universe consisted of nothing outside of the walls of the small, warm café, completely detached from the worries and burdens of the real world. It was one of those increasingly common moments when she wished that she could read his thoughts, know exactly what was going on behind those unfathomable red eyes. Once again, she found herself contemplating the events of the past few days, how everything had moved so quickly that it threatened to become a blur in her memory, yet she remembered each moment with startling clarity. She wasn’t quite sure how everything had worked out the way it did, but parts of it stood out particularly distinctly in her mind. The room…the confrontation…the kiss…
Her mind froze in its tracks. Of all the recollections which had to come up, it was that one which suddenly stood out the most powerfully from the rest, and for a moment, the cascade of emotions which had been present at that moment suddenly surged through her thoughts again, sending her mind reeling. Overwhelmed, it took her a few seconds to recapture control over her wits, although not without a desperate struggle first. It was the first time she had recalled that particular event, and she found that in doing so, it had only served to further confuse her. Why did that one moment have such a profound effect on her? Well, maybe it wasn’t the moment as much as it was the person…a sly part of her brain whispered craftily. Half-mortified by the uncontrolled thoughts and emotions running rampant through her mind, she was startled out of her own musings when Sev cleared his throat, secretly glad that he had returned to the subject of armor, giving her the chance to give her own thoughts the slip.
”Uh huh…” she muttered, still sounding somewhat skeptical. ”Either that, or a big, shiny target.” Although she seemed concerned about what he said next, she was interrupted from making a comment by the arrival of the waitress. At a loss for a moment (after all, she had rarely ever been to restaurants, let alone one on a foreign planet), she finally found herself a loophole. ”Whatever you’d recommend,” she replied with a small smile at the waitress. She later thought that she might live to regret this decision: After all, ‘specialties’ tended to be rather…unpredictable, to say the least.
Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/13/2009 3:24 AM
The waitress nodded curtly, her brown eyes dancing with amusement. Whether it was amusement at the fact that they didn’t know what to order, or the fact that each seemed to stew in their own thoughts, only acknowledging her as a part of the scenery once their order was taken. She turned on her heel, heavy boots thudding against the wood floor as she plodded back to the counter. Sev still had his arms crossed behind his head, watching Aerowyn with a keen glint in his eyes. He had watched her face through the course of the silence between them. He was surprised to see it nearly blank out with confusion and an overwhelming sense of something that he couldn’t put his finger on.
“Don’t worry about Fixer,” he said, presuming her thoughts had been about the ill-tempered and curt hacker. “That’s the way he is. Hardly ever says a word, unless it’s one of disapproval. He’s a very ‘by the book’ Commando, and you being there with us is definitely not by the book. So it’ll take him some time to accept it.” He shrugged, his legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. The waitress came back with a heavy thud of boots, two cups of coffee in her hands. She set them down in front of Sev and Aerowyn, smiling curtly, before turning on her heel and disappearing once more. Sev unfolded his arms and leaned forward, staring into the dark liquid set before him in a steaming, porcelain cup that looked like it was nearly fifty years old.
He reached over to pull the sugar towards him, before he dumped a bunch of it in the coffee with a smirk. He certainly liked his caf sweet; he was a Clone, and anything that was sweet was deemed ‘awesome’ by them. He took a gulp of the warm liquid, and then looked over the rim of his cup at Aerowyn. “Just stop worrying about the armor and trust me on this one. It’s a good idea. I think when we get back, I’ll teach you how to use a blaster too. Can have you going around shooting spindly little sticks at everyone and hoping they do some damage. Primitive weapons like that are really outdated.” He smirked again, this time with wry amusement as he watched her with steadfast and slightly challenging ruby eyes. He fell silent again, his gaze sliding towards the window and the darkening world outside.
When they were done eating, they’d go to retrieve the armor. His eyes suddenly flicked back to Aerowyn, and he frowned. “I don’t think I ever gave you a chance to tell me…Are you okay with being here? You didn’t want to stay with Serissa, right? She’ll be after your blood, I’m sure, but the squad and I will look after you. Do you want to stay with us? Your free to go where you like, you know. You don’t have to stay.” He didn’t sound sad or emotional or anxious. He simply sounded as if he wanted a straight answer. But inwardly, he was dreading it; what if she really didn’t want to stay with them…With him? Could he live with that?
[24/37]
“Don’t worry about Fixer,” he said, presuming her thoughts had been about the ill-tempered and curt hacker. “That’s the way he is. Hardly ever says a word, unless it’s one of disapproval. He’s a very ‘by the book’ Commando, and you being there with us is definitely not by the book. So it’ll take him some time to accept it.” He shrugged, his legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. The waitress came back with a heavy thud of boots, two cups of coffee in her hands. She set them down in front of Sev and Aerowyn, smiling curtly, before turning on her heel and disappearing once more. Sev unfolded his arms and leaned forward, staring into the dark liquid set before him in a steaming, porcelain cup that looked like it was nearly fifty years old.
He reached over to pull the sugar towards him, before he dumped a bunch of it in the coffee with a smirk. He certainly liked his caf sweet; he was a Clone, and anything that was sweet was deemed ‘awesome’ by them. He took a gulp of the warm liquid, and then looked over the rim of his cup at Aerowyn. “Just stop worrying about the armor and trust me on this one. It’s a good idea. I think when we get back, I’ll teach you how to use a blaster too. Can have you going around shooting spindly little sticks at everyone and hoping they do some damage. Primitive weapons like that are really outdated.” He smirked again, this time with wry amusement as he watched her with steadfast and slightly challenging ruby eyes. He fell silent again, his gaze sliding towards the window and the darkening world outside.
When they were done eating, they’d go to retrieve the armor. His eyes suddenly flicked back to Aerowyn, and he frowned. “I don’t think I ever gave you a chance to tell me…Are you okay with being here? You didn’t want to stay with Serissa, right? She’ll be after your blood, I’m sure, but the squad and I will look after you. Do you want to stay with us? Your free to go where you like, you know. You don’t have to stay.” He didn’t sound sad or emotional or anxious. He simply sounded as if he wanted a straight answer. But inwardly, he was dreading it; what if she really didn’t want to stay with them…With him? Could he live with that?
[24/37]
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/13/2009 4:08 AM
As Sev went on to explain Fixer’s attitude towards her, she was grateful that for the moment, all she had to do was nod. She was still very much in the process of getting over the wave of nameless emotion which had swept through her, feeling a little unsure of even her ability to speak without wavering at the moment. By the time he had finished, the waitress had arrived with their drinks, and Aerowyn felt somewhat steadier, at least enough so that it shouldn’t show. Grasping her cup in both hands, she let the warmth seep into her fingers, and it was a few moments before she finally reached for the sugar and cream, adding both quite generously to her own cup before sipping on the scalding liquid.
”Well, at least when you’re practicing with ‘spindly little sticks’, you’re less likely to kill yourself in the process,” she commented dryly. ”Plus, back where I come from, most people don’t go around wearing Tinman outfits on a daily basis.” She smiled wryly at the irony of the statement. After all, she’d be getting her own “Tinman outfit” in another hour or two, which, she supposed, made her somewhat of a hypocrite. ”One day, when you least expect it, it’s going to be one of those ‘primitive’ weapons that gets the best of you,” she teased, grinning. ”After all, it wasn’t a blaster that almost did you in so recently ago.” Still smirking into her cup, she continued to drink her coffee slowly, trying not to scald her tongue in the process.
She almost did anyways when the subject abruptly changed once again. Putting down the half-empty cup, she listened silently, and after he had finished, still didn’t speak as she scrutinized his features, searching for any clue as to the reason for the unexpected questions. He was keeping his face meticulously blank though, and try as she might, she couldn’t find a motive behind his questioning. Finally, after what seemed like a long pause, she replied, her words slow, as if she were thinking each one through before saying it. ”Do you really need me to answer that question for you?” She glanced at him, her head tilted slightly to one side as she regarded him carefully. ”I suppose the answer would be the same as if I were to ask you whether you want me to stay.” Her expression seemed somewhat guarded, her unspoken worries mirroring his own. Did the squad see her as a burden? Did she, a foreigner, a misfit, really belong with them? Despite what had already taken place in the past few days, there was still that incessant seed of doubt which remained firmly planted in her mind. What if she wasn't wanted, didn’t belong here?
”Well, at least when you’re practicing with ‘spindly little sticks’, you’re less likely to kill yourself in the process,” she commented dryly. ”Plus, back where I come from, most people don’t go around wearing Tinman outfits on a daily basis.” She smiled wryly at the irony of the statement. After all, she’d be getting her own “Tinman outfit” in another hour or two, which, she supposed, made her somewhat of a hypocrite. ”One day, when you least expect it, it’s going to be one of those ‘primitive’ weapons that gets the best of you,” she teased, grinning. ”After all, it wasn’t a blaster that almost did you in so recently ago.” Still smirking into her cup, she continued to drink her coffee slowly, trying not to scald her tongue in the process.
She almost did anyways when the subject abruptly changed once again. Putting down the half-empty cup, she listened silently, and after he had finished, still didn’t speak as she scrutinized his features, searching for any clue as to the reason for the unexpected questions. He was keeping his face meticulously blank though, and try as she might, she couldn’t find a motive behind his questioning. Finally, after what seemed like a long pause, she replied, her words slow, as if she were thinking each one through before saying it. ”Do you really need me to answer that question for you?” She glanced at him, her head tilted slightly to one side as she regarded him carefully. ”I suppose the answer would be the same as if I were to ask you whether you want me to stay.” Her expression seemed somewhat guarded, her unspoken worries mirroring his own. Did the squad see her as a burden? Did she, a foreigner, a misfit, really belong with them? Despite what had already taken place in the past few days, there was still that incessant seed of doubt which remained firmly planted in her mind. What if she wasn't wanted, didn’t belong here?
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Flame - Well-Traveled Specialist
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/13/2009 4:37 AM
Sev remained silent, staring into the dark, shallow depths of his coffee before taking another sip. He seemed pensive, thoughtful, as if pondering how to accurately answer her question. Once or twice, he opened his mouth, as if to respond, but then fell silent again. He chose to ignore her comments about the squad and about weapons. He knew that no primitive weapon would ever be the death of him. If he died, he’d die by some sort of large explosion, he imagined. He wasn’t sure why, but an explosion always seemed liken it’d be what took him out in the end. The problem with armor that was as high tech and well fortified as his, was that it just took that much longer to get you killed. He knew it couldn’t hold up forever, but the fact that he’d be waiting that much longer to die was a disconcerting and unwelcome thought.
He wondered if anyone besides his squad might care if he died, and then decided that Aerowyn might. He sighed softly, a strange sound coming out of such a rough mouth. “I had hoped you would tell me, in all honesty. I’ve never had freedom. Never had a choice. I just thought it would be unfair to take your choice away from you, to do to you what had been done to me.” He looked out the window, watching as the rain pattered against it. Somewhere near the back of the café, a soft song began to play. Sev turned his head slightly to see a weathered old man strumming a guitar in absolute silence. The rest of the patrons in the small café turned to watch as well, a few smiling and tapping their fingers to the beat. He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes as the guitar’s gentle strings slowly invaded his mind and the music wafted towards them.
He couldn’t deny that it was a beautiful song, written to evoke passion and emotion from it’s listeners. “I’m surprised you would even mention that,” he said at last, trying to ignore the music as it drifted towards them. It seemed fitting; the gray skies, the rain outside, the small café and the guitar. “I took you with me, didn’t I? I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t want you to stay…” He took another drink of his coffee, his eyes inadvertently straying back to the man playing the guitar in the corner. He managed to look nonplussed and unconcerned as he spoke, as if what he said didn’t really matter. “I want you to stay…But I want you to want to stay as well. I won’t take away your choice just because I…” He lowered his eyes slightly. “Never mind.”
[25/38]
((This was the music I imagined playing in the background. Pretty…Makes more sense if you listen to it while reading his post. X3))
He wondered if anyone besides his squad might care if he died, and then decided that Aerowyn might. He sighed softly, a strange sound coming out of such a rough mouth. “I had hoped you would tell me, in all honesty. I’ve never had freedom. Never had a choice. I just thought it would be unfair to take your choice away from you, to do to you what had been done to me.” He looked out the window, watching as the rain pattered against it. Somewhere near the back of the café, a soft song began to play. Sev turned his head slightly to see a weathered old man strumming a guitar in absolute silence. The rest of the patrons in the small café turned to watch as well, a few smiling and tapping their fingers to the beat. He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes as the guitar’s gentle strings slowly invaded his mind and the music wafted towards them.
He couldn’t deny that it was a beautiful song, written to evoke passion and emotion from it’s listeners. “I’m surprised you would even mention that,” he said at last, trying to ignore the music as it drifted towards them. It seemed fitting; the gray skies, the rain outside, the small café and the guitar. “I took you with me, didn’t I? I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t want you to stay…” He took another drink of his coffee, his eyes inadvertently straying back to the man playing the guitar in the corner. He managed to look nonplussed and unconcerned as he spoke, as if what he said didn’t really matter. “I want you to stay…But I want you to want to stay as well. I won’t take away your choice just because I…” He lowered his eyes slightly. “Never mind.”
[25/38]
((This was the music I imagined playing in the background. Pretty…Makes more sense if you listen to it while reading his post. X3))
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/13/2009 5:26 AM
In the lull, Aerowyn’s eyes dropped down to her hands, which still cupped either side of her coffee mug. Turning it slowly between her palms, she watched the small ripples on the surface of the liquid dance into oblivion as the cup moved. The silence which drew on was neither comfortable or uncomfortable, just…empty. Looking, for all intensive purposes, like she was contemplating the plain porcelain cup in her hands, she waited for his reply, masking her emotions with an unreadable expression.
Finally, he broke the silence between them. As he spoke, she let her gaze wander back to rest on his features, following each change in expression with intent, but gentle eyes. This was a side of Sev that she was sure he usually kept hidden from the rest of the world, and that he would share it with her touched her profoundly. ”There really wasn’t anything to take, to begin with,” she replied slowly. ”In that sense, you and I are more alike than one might imagine.” As a hauntingly beautiful melody pervaded the air around them, her gaze flickered over to linger on the old man playing the guitar for a few moments, watching as his fingers danced across the strings.
”Don’t you see that the same goes both ways?” she asked, her hazel eyes coming to rest on his own again. ”Do you think that I would have come, had I been unwilling?” A small smile curved the edges of her lips as she continued. ”You should know me better than that by now.” For a moment, she waited for him to finish his sentence, but when he dwindled off, she found that she wanted to know what he was going to say. Reaching over the table somewhat tentatively – she was treading in uncharted territory right now – she gently took hold of one of his larger, coarser hands in one of her smaller, more delicately-boned ones, squeezing it gently in a small, reassuring gesture. ”It’s time that you had a say in something important to you,” she said quietly, seeking his gaze with her own. ”And as long as it doesn’t involve pushing me away, then I’m with you all the way.” There was a hint of her old humor in the warm smile which she gave him, compassion in her unwavering gaze.
{Very pretty song <3 And fitting too ^^}
Finally, he broke the silence between them. As he spoke, she let her gaze wander back to rest on his features, following each change in expression with intent, but gentle eyes. This was a side of Sev that she was sure he usually kept hidden from the rest of the world, and that he would share it with her touched her profoundly. ”There really wasn’t anything to take, to begin with,” she replied slowly. ”In that sense, you and I are more alike than one might imagine.” As a hauntingly beautiful melody pervaded the air around them, her gaze flickered over to linger on the old man playing the guitar for a few moments, watching as his fingers danced across the strings.
”Don’t you see that the same goes both ways?” she asked, her hazel eyes coming to rest on his own again. ”Do you think that I would have come, had I been unwilling?” A small smile curved the edges of her lips as she continued. ”You should know me better than that by now.” For a moment, she waited for him to finish his sentence, but when he dwindled off, she found that she wanted to know what he was going to say. Reaching over the table somewhat tentatively – she was treading in uncharted territory right now – she gently took hold of one of his larger, coarser hands in one of her smaller, more delicately-boned ones, squeezing it gently in a small, reassuring gesture. ”It’s time that you had a say in something important to you,” she said quietly, seeking his gaze with her own. ”And as long as it doesn’t involve pushing me away, then I’m with you all the way.” There was a hint of her old humor in the warm smile which she gave him, compassion in her unwavering gaze.
{Very pretty song <3 And fitting too ^^}
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Flame - Well-Traveled Specialist
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/13/2009 6:05 AM
Sev stared at her hand, lightly entwined with his own. The guitar played in the background, but Sev was nearly oblivious to it. He found himself trapped in the moment, caught unaware by what was going on. Her hand was so small, so delicate compared to his. It gazed at their hands, and his earlier thoughts came back to haunt him. Was there something here that he was missing? Sev’s mind went back to the kiss they’d shared in the jungle; the moment of passion and fire so intense, he felt like it was eating him alive. It was an unexpected rush of emotions, and it swept him up again as if it was only a moment ago that the kiss had transpired.
The raw feeling and emotions and need and hunger that he had felt in the heat of battle; it snuck up on him unexpectedly, bowling him over and grinding his mind to a complete halt. He managed to simply stare at their entwined hands, trying very hard to remember what it was he had just asked her, and wondering if this strange feeling inside his chest would ever go away. “I don’t know,” he managed, his voice lower and heavier than usual. He’d been blindsided by a rush of emotions he hadn’t expected to feel so soon or so prominently. It was strangling him, making it hard for him to breathe or think. He felt like he was drowning, caught in the moment and swept under.
“I hadn’t thought…I don’t know. I figured you just came because it seemed right at the time. I didn’t expect this…Any of…This.” His voice was slightly strangled, and he closed his eyes, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he struggled to find the words he didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to talk about the day in the jungle, the kiss, the rescue, him taking her with him. Yet, it all came full circle, right back around to what he didn’t want to bring up. “I guess it is important to me. But I don’t know. I just thought…I guess when we kissed…Well, I don’t know what I thought. This isn’t something I’m equipped to deal with.” He narrowed his eyes slightly, still staring at their hands.
“I’m made to kill, to destroy, to fight and die for the republic. I wasn’t created to have emotions or feelings or wants outside of my life as a soldier. This is all new to me. Even being around you…It’s all new to me.” He closed his eyes, letting out a rumbling sigh as he did so. It seemed very hard for him to vocalize his thoughts; he wasn’t the type to open up, nor did he care to. Yet, here he was, sharing what he felt with someone who could’ve literally be considered a near stranger. But she wasn’t a stranger, not to him. She was something else, something he couldn’t name.
“But I do want you to stay…Even if no one else does, I do. I don’t know how to be anything but a solider, but I could try and be else something for you?” He said it almost as a question, his voice dropping slightly as he did so. He felt as if he’d fallen short of his strived for perfection; he didn’t know how to handle this, yet felt as if he should. If he messed this up, he would be imperfect, horrible, a waste of space. He had to do everything right; but when you didn’t know what you were doing, how did you do it the right way?
[26/39]
The raw feeling and emotions and need and hunger that he had felt in the heat of battle; it snuck up on him unexpectedly, bowling him over and grinding his mind to a complete halt. He managed to simply stare at their entwined hands, trying very hard to remember what it was he had just asked her, and wondering if this strange feeling inside his chest would ever go away. “I don’t know,” he managed, his voice lower and heavier than usual. He’d been blindsided by a rush of emotions he hadn’t expected to feel so soon or so prominently. It was strangling him, making it hard for him to breathe or think. He felt like he was drowning, caught in the moment and swept under.
“I hadn’t thought…I don’t know. I figured you just came because it seemed right at the time. I didn’t expect this…Any of…This.” His voice was slightly strangled, and he closed his eyes, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he struggled to find the words he didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to talk about the day in the jungle, the kiss, the rescue, him taking her with him. Yet, it all came full circle, right back around to what he didn’t want to bring up. “I guess it is important to me. But I don’t know. I just thought…I guess when we kissed…Well, I don’t know what I thought. This isn’t something I’m equipped to deal with.” He narrowed his eyes slightly, still staring at their hands.
“I’m made to kill, to destroy, to fight and die for the republic. I wasn’t created to have emotions or feelings or wants outside of my life as a soldier. This is all new to me. Even being around you…It’s all new to me.” He closed his eyes, letting out a rumbling sigh as he did so. It seemed very hard for him to vocalize his thoughts; he wasn’t the type to open up, nor did he care to. Yet, here he was, sharing what he felt with someone who could’ve literally be considered a near stranger. But she wasn’t a stranger, not to him. She was something else, something he couldn’t name.
“But I do want you to stay…Even if no one else does, I do. I don’t know how to be anything but a solider, but I could try and be else something for you?” He said it almost as a question, his voice dropping slightly as he did so. He felt as if he’d fallen short of his strived for perfection; he didn’t know how to handle this, yet felt as if he should. If he messed this up, he would be imperfect, horrible, a waste of space. He had to do everything right; but when you didn’t know what you were doing, how did you do it the right way?
[26/39]
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
+Imp. Documents+ +Menagerie+ +Wishlist+ +Journal+
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/13/2009 7:11 AM
Connected by their hands, Aerowyn felt almost as if there was an electricity which channeled between them through that simple touch, a sensation which flooded through every inch of her body, making her heart skip a beat as it kept up what felt like some strange rhythm of its own. It was as if she could feel the torrent of powerful, jumbled emotions which claimed Sev in their unyielding grasp, and once again, the wave of untamed sentiments which she had valiantly fended off just moments ago came crashing mercilessly down again, but this time, she chose not to fight them as the unbidden thoughts and recollections flooded her mind again. Despite the struggle between emotions raging through her thoughts, she managed to cling to some strand of willpower which kept her intense gaze clear, regardless of the turmoil which boiled just beneath that delicate barrier.
”This is all as new to me as it is to you,” she replied, her voice still soft, but there was a measure of strain in her tone as well as she struggled to maintain control over the war being waged in her mind. ”I’m just glad to have you with me to experience it.” She managed another small smile as she reached over to clasp his hand in both of hers, their combined grasp almost large enough to encompass his one hand. She had completely forgotten the world outside of the two of them: Those who had been seated at the tables nearby had discreetly shifted away to provide the strange couple with their space…an unexpected, but surprisingly sympathetic gesture. The old man strumming his guitar continued to play that same evocative melody, never faltering as the notes continued to pour out into the otherwise quiet café.
”You don’t have to be something just because someone told you so,” she continued, conviction strong in her voice. ”You helped me realize that…and now it’s time that you learned that for yourself as well.” Drawing his hand towards her, she cradled it against her chest, against the beating of her heart. ”I don’t want you to force yourself to change who you are for me…But know that no matter what other people might say or think about you, you’ll always be more than just a soldier to me. Regardless of what you or others believe, to me, you'll always be perfect.” The fervor in her eyes conveyed that she meant every single word that she said. She hadn’t planned for any of this to happen…it just did when the moment felt right.
Suddenly, the barely-restrained emotions seemed to strain at their bonds, and no longer able (or perhaps willing) to hold them back, Aerowyn finally abandoned her attempts to contain the storm which roiled in her mind. Rising slightly in her seat, she drew Sev closer to her as she leaned towards him to let her lips capture his in a kiss which rivaled the first in passion. A previously unnoted hunger which clawed at her seemed to settle with a contented purr as the unobserved need was somewhat sated, at least for the time being. Right now, the rest of the world didn’t exist to Aerowyn: There was only her and Sev. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, although in reality it had only been a few seconds, she broke off the kiss, her hazel eyes bright with unspoken emotion as she sat back in her seat, aware of a triumphant kind of sensation which had settled on her chest, a half-smile lingering at her lips.
”This is all as new to me as it is to you,” she replied, her voice still soft, but there was a measure of strain in her tone as well as she struggled to maintain control over the war being waged in her mind. ”I’m just glad to have you with me to experience it.” She managed another small smile as she reached over to clasp his hand in both of hers, their combined grasp almost large enough to encompass his one hand. She had completely forgotten the world outside of the two of them: Those who had been seated at the tables nearby had discreetly shifted away to provide the strange couple with their space…an unexpected, but surprisingly sympathetic gesture. The old man strumming his guitar continued to play that same evocative melody, never faltering as the notes continued to pour out into the otherwise quiet café.
”You don’t have to be something just because someone told you so,” she continued, conviction strong in her voice. ”You helped me realize that…and now it’s time that you learned that for yourself as well.” Drawing his hand towards her, she cradled it against her chest, against the beating of her heart. ”I don’t want you to force yourself to change who you are for me…But know that no matter what other people might say or think about you, you’ll always be more than just a soldier to me. Regardless of what you or others believe, to me, you'll always be perfect.” The fervor in her eyes conveyed that she meant every single word that she said. She hadn’t planned for any of this to happen…it just did when the moment felt right.
Suddenly, the barely-restrained emotions seemed to strain at their bonds, and no longer able (or perhaps willing) to hold them back, Aerowyn finally abandoned her attempts to contain the storm which roiled in her mind. Rising slightly in her seat, she drew Sev closer to her as she leaned towards him to let her lips capture his in a kiss which rivaled the first in passion. A previously unnoted hunger which clawed at her seemed to settle with a contented purr as the unobserved need was somewhat sated, at least for the time being. Right now, the rest of the world didn’t exist to Aerowyn: There was only her and Sev. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, although in reality it had only been a few seconds, she broke off the kiss, her hazel eyes bright with unspoken emotion as she sat back in her seat, aware of a triumphant kind of sensation which had settled on her chest, a half-smile lingering at her lips.
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/13/2009 7:00 PM
Sev managed not to be overwhelmed by the cascade of emotions that shot through him. This wasn't like him; he wasn't some mushy, romantic man that declared his undying love for anyone. Well, he wouldn't go as far as saying he'd just done that, but in his world, it was almost close enough. Sev didn't admit these types of things to anyone; not even his squad mates. Very few people were privy to inner thoughts of the sniper known as Sev. And even fewer could've understood them if they had known. But here, now, in this moment, he felt a kinship, an easiness, around Aerowyn and felt like he could share anything with her. She was so like him, so caught up in her silence and tough outer exterior that she too had denied what she'd been feeling. And in a rush of hurried, awkward words, both had found themselves spilling their inner thoughts to one another.
Sev was surprised, upset, and relieved to hear that she felt the same. But he was also wondering where that left them; where to go from here? What did they do now? What next? Sev stared at her, his eyes awash with the emotions that he didn't dare let cross his face. What were they to one another? Did a few stolen kissed and shared words make them anymore than what they were now? Sev realized that he wanted to feel different, and he did; he'd never felt like this before. He'd never been so overwhelmed with an emotion that it nearly took his breath away. He was startled, scared, and out of place. This wasn't him; this wasn't who he usually was. But try as he might, he couldn't take it back, nor could he stop himself from saying what he felt. "I can't stop myself from changing," he croaked at last, his voice almost hoarse with his need to rid himself of this unwanted, emotional burden.
"All this...This isn't me. I'm not a mushy, emotional person. I don't know what to do in these kinds of situations." He faltered slightly. Perfect? Was that what she saw? Sev never thought of himself as perfect anymore; he failed all the time. Failed everyone. But was that what Aerowyn really saw? "I'm not perfect. I don't even think I know how to be perfect anymore. I don't know if I'm right for you, or if I deserve to have a life that none of my brothers have. But I'm not perfect; I never will be. I'll just keep letting everyone down." Sev mentally smacked himself; he was giving her too much information. It was not something he shared with anyone. But he felt she deserved to know what she was getting herself into. Could she stand to live with him if he constantly let her down? Sev opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut again when she leaned towards him.
For a moment, he didn't know what was going on, but then her lips pressed gently against his own, and Sev relaxed into it. He could feel the passion, the absolute, overwhelming hunger and need in the kiss. It burned him alive, and for a moment, Sev felt like he was drowning in it. Then, almost too soon, the kiss ended with an abrupt start, and Sev found himself staring across at Aerowyn once more with confusion dancing through his ruby eyes. The kiss had felt right, but it had felt stifling. Was that wrong? "Aerowyn...Are you sure you don't want someone better than me? I can't give you anything. I have no money, no home, no livelihood. I'm a solider in an army that punishes it's troopers for having relationships and emotional ties. I have no real family except for my brothers, and I don't know how to love anyone. I've never felt anything like this before. I don't know what it is...But you have your own freedom now; you have a choice. Are you sure you want to choose me?"
[27/40]
(("Whoa, whoa, lady. I barely know you." X3 I imagine if Sev was anyone different, he might've said that. But he's Sev. So...He didn't. XD))
Sev was surprised, upset, and relieved to hear that she felt the same. But he was also wondering where that left them; where to go from here? What did they do now? What next? Sev stared at her, his eyes awash with the emotions that he didn't dare let cross his face. What were they to one another? Did a few stolen kissed and shared words make them anymore than what they were now? Sev realized that he wanted to feel different, and he did; he'd never felt like this before. He'd never been so overwhelmed with an emotion that it nearly took his breath away. He was startled, scared, and out of place. This wasn't him; this wasn't who he usually was. But try as he might, he couldn't take it back, nor could he stop himself from saying what he felt. "I can't stop myself from changing," he croaked at last, his voice almost hoarse with his need to rid himself of this unwanted, emotional burden.
"All this...This isn't me. I'm not a mushy, emotional person. I don't know what to do in these kinds of situations." He faltered slightly. Perfect? Was that what she saw? Sev never thought of himself as perfect anymore; he failed all the time. Failed everyone. But was that what Aerowyn really saw? "I'm not perfect. I don't even think I know how to be perfect anymore. I don't know if I'm right for you, or if I deserve to have a life that none of my brothers have. But I'm not perfect; I never will be. I'll just keep letting everyone down." Sev mentally smacked himself; he was giving her too much information. It was not something he shared with anyone. But he felt she deserved to know what she was getting herself into. Could she stand to live with him if he constantly let her down? Sev opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut again when she leaned towards him.
For a moment, he didn't know what was going on, but then her lips pressed gently against his own, and Sev relaxed into it. He could feel the passion, the absolute, overwhelming hunger and need in the kiss. It burned him alive, and for a moment, Sev felt like he was drowning in it. Then, almost too soon, the kiss ended with an abrupt start, and Sev found himself staring across at Aerowyn once more with confusion dancing through his ruby eyes. The kiss had felt right, but it had felt stifling. Was that wrong? "Aerowyn...Are you sure you don't want someone better than me? I can't give you anything. I have no money, no home, no livelihood. I'm a solider in an army that punishes it's troopers for having relationships and emotional ties. I have no real family except for my brothers, and I don't know how to love anyone. I've never felt anything like this before. I don't know what it is...But you have your own freedom now; you have a choice. Are you sure you want to choose me?"
[27/40]
(("Whoa, whoa, lady. I barely know you." X3 I imagine if Sev was anyone different, he might've said that. But he's Sev. So...He didn't. XD))
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/13/2009 9:24 PM
Aerowyn watched him quietly, aware of the emotional turmoil which Sev was submerged in. There was only so much she could do, only so many battles which she could fight for him: The rest he had to face alone, and all she could do was simply to watch on. Her one hand still remained loosely interwoven with his, the only thing which maintained the physical contact between them. Contrary to his belief, he did have a decision to make, and she was the stake which hung on the balance between his options. Unwelcome apprehension slinked through her mind: If Sev surrendered to the doubts and insecurities which plagued his thoughts, then her case, everything which she had tentatively built up until now, it would all be lost. She had given up trying to hunt down and interpret the emotions which still engulfed her, knowing that trying to do so was more than an impossible endeavor. Although she didn’t enjoy a single apprehensive moment of it, she had no choice but to wait for him to finally reach his own conclusion, regardless of her own thoughts and sentiments.
The surge of emotions had finally found their outlet through that one brief, ardent kiss, and she felt as if a large burden had been lifted from her chest, although a trace of the disquiet still lingered. She found that without the flood of sentiment clouding her thoughts and judgments, she could think much more clearly now, as if the worst of the haze had been lifted from her mind. She half wished that it hadn’t though, as with clarity came the unspoken fears and doubts which had temporarily been quelled by the overwhelming storm of emotion. She wondered briefly how she had managed to land herself in this most unlikely position, and whether it was normal for her to be feeling so hopelessly confused. Wasn’t everything supposed to simply…fall into place? She had thought that the decisions should have been as clear as day and night, like it had been, back in the forest, but instead, the deeper in she got, the more unclear the choices became.
This had all been so much easier, so much more natural, when she felt like she had known, at least somewhat, what she was doing. Now though, the situation had become twice as confusing, when neither of them knew where to go from here. For once, she felt like this was a war which she couldn’t fight, couldn’t win. She wanted to bury her face in her hands and just wish all of this chaos away, but no matter how hard she tried, everything still remained solidly unchanging: The two people sitting in a half-deserted café, the redolent tune of a lone guitar permeating the still air, trapped in a world completely of their own.
Finally, Sev broke the lingering silence which encompassed them, and Aerowyn sighed softly, suddenly looking much wearier than she ever had. Her gaze wandered out onto the street once more, although her eyes seemed to be focused somewhere beyond the cold, wet cobblestone, out of the reaches of the tangible world. ”We’re both changing, and there’s nothing that either of us can do about it,” she finally replied, sounding somewhat distant. She had been changing too, and hadn’t noticed the extent of this slow metamorphosis into something completely different until now. Whether it was a good or bad thing, she couldn’t say, but what she did know was that the change was inevitable, and only time could tell where it would take them. She turned to regard Sev once more, the expression in her hazel eyes brooding. It filled her with a profound sadness to see him constantly putting himself down, and there was a hint of sorrow in her gaze as she perused his features. ”Perfection is in the eye of the beholder,” she said, eyeing him critically. ”And you’ve never let me down before…not until now.” There was something akin to disappointment in her gaze as she searched his face. ”You’re stronger than this…I know you are. You’re not perfect, it’s true, but then again, neither am I. Do you hate me for falling short of perfection?” Her words might have sounded harsh, but Sev needed to learn the distinction between the beliefs he held to be true and reality.
Aerowyn seemed almost as if she were on the brink of exasperation at Sev’s groundless doubts. ”Do you doubt my judgment?” she asked, fixing him with an unyielding gaze. ”Don’t you see? I don’t need those things. What you have is still more than I have ever owned, and what I do need isn’t perfection: I just need someone who will be there for me, and the only person who’s ever cared enough is you.”
The surge of emotions had finally found their outlet through that one brief, ardent kiss, and she felt as if a large burden had been lifted from her chest, although a trace of the disquiet still lingered. She found that without the flood of sentiment clouding her thoughts and judgments, she could think much more clearly now, as if the worst of the haze had been lifted from her mind. She half wished that it hadn’t though, as with clarity came the unspoken fears and doubts which had temporarily been quelled by the overwhelming storm of emotion. She wondered briefly how she had managed to land herself in this most unlikely position, and whether it was normal for her to be feeling so hopelessly confused. Wasn’t everything supposed to simply…fall into place? She had thought that the decisions should have been as clear as day and night, like it had been, back in the forest, but instead, the deeper in she got, the more unclear the choices became.
This had all been so much easier, so much more natural, when she felt like she had known, at least somewhat, what she was doing. Now though, the situation had become twice as confusing, when neither of them knew where to go from here. For once, she felt like this was a war which she couldn’t fight, couldn’t win. She wanted to bury her face in her hands and just wish all of this chaos away, but no matter how hard she tried, everything still remained solidly unchanging: The two people sitting in a half-deserted café, the redolent tune of a lone guitar permeating the still air, trapped in a world completely of their own.
Finally, Sev broke the lingering silence which encompassed them, and Aerowyn sighed softly, suddenly looking much wearier than she ever had. Her gaze wandered out onto the street once more, although her eyes seemed to be focused somewhere beyond the cold, wet cobblestone, out of the reaches of the tangible world. ”We’re both changing, and there’s nothing that either of us can do about it,” she finally replied, sounding somewhat distant. She had been changing too, and hadn’t noticed the extent of this slow metamorphosis into something completely different until now. Whether it was a good or bad thing, she couldn’t say, but what she did know was that the change was inevitable, and only time could tell where it would take them. She turned to regard Sev once more, the expression in her hazel eyes brooding. It filled her with a profound sadness to see him constantly putting himself down, and there was a hint of sorrow in her gaze as she perused his features. ”Perfection is in the eye of the beholder,” she said, eyeing him critically. ”And you’ve never let me down before…not until now.” There was something akin to disappointment in her gaze as she searched his face. ”You’re stronger than this…I know you are. You’re not perfect, it’s true, but then again, neither am I. Do you hate me for falling short of perfection?” Her words might have sounded harsh, but Sev needed to learn the distinction between the beliefs he held to be true and reality.
Aerowyn seemed almost as if she were on the brink of exasperation at Sev’s groundless doubts. ”Do you doubt my judgment?” she asked, fixing him with an unyielding gaze. ”Don’t you see? I don’t need those things. What you have is still more than I have ever owned, and what I do need isn’t perfection: I just need someone who will be there for me, and the only person who’s ever cared enough is you.”
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/15/2009 2:00 AM
The disappointment in her voice struck Sev like a blow to the head. He had the urge to stand up and walk away for a moment; to hide himself away until she forgot she’d been disappointed in him in the first place. The thoughts and feelings he felt when he heard it had been things he’d never thought he’d feel again. They were emotions he’d had when he was younger, when he strived to be the best, when he went to sleep every night tired, sore, bloody and bruised and knowing he could do better tomorrow. When he trained for hours and hours and hours on end, to be so exhausted he could hardly stand at the end of the day. Time after time, he’d tell himself he’d be the best, he’d work harder, be faster and stronger and deadlier than any of his brothers.
He was elite, a super commando, someone who didn’t give into the childish fears of his past or feel the keen sting of having let someone he cared about down. But why then, did he feel like he’d just been punched in the gut? Sev looked down at his hands, his gaze darkening. “I don’t hate you for anything,” he said at last, his voice softer than it had ever been before. One would almost need to strain to hear it over the soft sounds of the guitar near the back of the restaurant. He suddenly looked up at her, eyes angry and disbelieving. “I’m supposed to be perfect! It’s what I was created for. I’m not supposed to fall short of that expectation. I’m bred to be the best, but now…”
He rubbed his face with the heel of his hand, almost willing himself to try and forget all of this. “Now I don’t know. I don’t know why it’s different all of a sudden. Maybe because you don’t expect perfection from me. But it’s all I know how to be. Without it, I’m just an ordinary solider--no, not even an ordinary solider. Cannon fodder, meat for the grinder. I have to be perfect, or I die.” He grasped her hand desperately, trying to make her see what he saw, to understand everything he knew to be true. Why didn’t she understand what he was saying? Why did she think it was okay for him to fall short of perfection? He shook his head, almost denying what was happening.
“I don’t doubt your judgment,” he muttered, trying to make sense of the conflicting emotions waging war inside his head. “I don’t…I’ll always be here. But I don’t understand this. Why don’t you want me to be perfect? I don’t…” He rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes again, trying to comprehend what she was saying. The thought of not being perfect, of not being the solider and fighter he was bred to be, confused and frightened him. “I don’t understand…Why am I like this? What am I turning into? This isn't me, dang it...”
There was a clatter of dishes, and Sev looked up, startled to see that the waitress had returned carrying to plates of food. She set one down in front of Sev, and another in front of Aerowyn. Both were some kind of steak covered in sauce and onions. She smiled half-heartedly, as if understanding the war that waged between two stubborn minds, before turning on her heel and disappearing again. Sev looked at the food, and then seemed to push it aside, his gaze fixed intently on Aerowyn. He was looking to her now to explain things to him; looking to her to tell him why he didn’t have to be perfect. Was her assurance not enough? No, not for him. He needed an absolute reason.
[28/41]
((-Smacks Sev- Get back into character and stop being so mushy!
Sev: (Grumble) You write it, you jerk.
Me: ^^; Oh, uh, right...))
He was elite, a super commando, someone who didn’t give into the childish fears of his past or feel the keen sting of having let someone he cared about down. But why then, did he feel like he’d just been punched in the gut? Sev looked down at his hands, his gaze darkening. “I don’t hate you for anything,” he said at last, his voice softer than it had ever been before. One would almost need to strain to hear it over the soft sounds of the guitar near the back of the restaurant. He suddenly looked up at her, eyes angry and disbelieving. “I’m supposed to be perfect! It’s what I was created for. I’m not supposed to fall short of that expectation. I’m bred to be the best, but now…”
He rubbed his face with the heel of his hand, almost willing himself to try and forget all of this. “Now I don’t know. I don’t know why it’s different all of a sudden. Maybe because you don’t expect perfection from me. But it’s all I know how to be. Without it, I’m just an ordinary solider--no, not even an ordinary solider. Cannon fodder, meat for the grinder. I have to be perfect, or I die.” He grasped her hand desperately, trying to make her see what he saw, to understand everything he knew to be true. Why didn’t she understand what he was saying? Why did she think it was okay for him to fall short of perfection? He shook his head, almost denying what was happening.
“I don’t doubt your judgment,” he muttered, trying to make sense of the conflicting emotions waging war inside his head. “I don’t…I’ll always be here. But I don’t understand this. Why don’t you want me to be perfect? I don’t…” He rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes again, trying to comprehend what she was saying. The thought of not being perfect, of not being the solider and fighter he was bred to be, confused and frightened him. “I don’t understand…Why am I like this? What am I turning into? This isn't me, dang it...”
There was a clatter of dishes, and Sev looked up, startled to see that the waitress had returned carrying to plates of food. She set one down in front of Sev, and another in front of Aerowyn. Both were some kind of steak covered in sauce and onions. She smiled half-heartedly, as if understanding the war that waged between two stubborn minds, before turning on her heel and disappearing again. Sev looked at the food, and then seemed to push it aside, his gaze fixed intently on Aerowyn. He was looking to her now to explain things to him; looking to her to tell him why he didn’t have to be perfect. Was her assurance not enough? No, not for him. He needed an absolute reason.
[28/41]
((-Smacks Sev- Get back into character and stop being so mushy!
Sev: (Grumble) You write it, you jerk.
Me: ^^; Oh, uh, right...))
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
+Imp. Documents+ +Menagerie+ +Wishlist+ +Journal+
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/15/2009 8:05 PM
When she saw the profound effect which her tone had had on him, Aerowyn felt the guilt well up inside of her at the absolute devastation which she could read in his eyes as he looked away, but she fought off the urge to apologize, to take back what she had said. There was a glimmer of remorse in her eyes though as she watched him, distraught at the feeling of being hopelessly at a loss for how to comfort him. This wasn’t something she had ever been through before: She had never felt remorse for causing pain in her past…it wasn’t something that she had been taught how to do, which, in turn, was supposed to make her a stronger warrior. To be cold-hearted in combat was a valuable trait, and until now, her unquestioning callousness to the suffering of others had served her well. Or, at least, it had served her mistress well. She felt as if everything she had held to be unshakably solid and true was melting around her, leaving her feeling uncomfortably exposed to the real world which existed outside of the self-detaining box which she had enclosed herself in.
Aerowyn sighed wearily, closing her eyes as she sat back against the chair. This all felt beyond her comprehension: She had hardly just begun to see past her own barricades which had kept her separate from the rest of the world, but now, she was expected to have the answers to questions which she had never considered, let alone knew the solutions to. She tried to sort through the confusion of her jumbled thoughts, but making sense of any of them seemed to elude her grasp, to her frustration. She felt as if her mind was running around in circles, like a broken track playing the same nonsensical fragment over and over again, a part that was meaningless when taken from the whole. She didn’t have an answer for him: She was simply saying what her instincts told her were true. She didn’t have a means of justifying them, and vexed her to no end. Every pained word tore at her heart, and she wanted desperately to be able to help him, but she couldn’t see how. She hated the despair which ruthlessly ate at her mind and the feeling of being totally helpless. In this sense, she could understand Sev’s battle against what he viewed as his own inadequacy.
”I’ll always be here.”
Aerowyn finally opened her eyes again to fix him with a keen gaze which bespoke wariness, yet at the same time, an unspoken trust. She was silent for a moment, as if letting the words and their implications sink in. ”I’ll hold you to that promise,” she finally said. For her, this was a big step: Sev probably didn’t know the extent of the gap which she had just taken the risk of breaching. She had never put so much trust in an individual before in her life – in the only comparable instance, Serissa, she had been betrayed by the person to whom she had dedicated her life. Why she was taking that risk again now, she didn’t know herself, but once again, it was one of those on-the-moment things which simply felt…right.
Her mind continued to churn ceaselessly, but she found that by pulling strands of thoughts one at a time, they slowly began to unravel into a cohesive whole which gradually began to make sense to her, like a puzzle being fitted together one piece at a time. She couldn’t be sure that the image which it gave her was a valid solution, but in her thoughts, it seemed to make sense. Gathering her resolve, she sat up in the seat, leaning forward over the table slightly to fix a penetrating gaze on Sev’s. He’d been there for her, and she wasn’t going to give up on him now. As she spoke, the words fell as they came to her mind, her tone soft, yet at the same time, it held a compelling quality which seemed to mingle with the swell of the music which continued to drift through the air about them.
”There’s a difference between “surviving” and “living”,” she began, sounding slightly hesitant, but the conviction in her voice grew as she continued. ”It’s true, I might not know very much about the latter myself, but what I do know is that it can make all the difference in your life. Yes, you were made and trained to be perfect, but that perfection, your whole life, was created solely for the purpose of battle. On the battlefield, perfection is necessary for survival: Believe me, I would know. But you’re so much more than what they say you are. To them, you’re just another pawn in their game, and outside of combat, you serve no use to them. They train you only to do what they want you to do, take away your freedom and make you believe that you have no route, no options outside of the ones which they provide you. What they don’t tell you though, is that off of the battlefield, life is built on mistakes. You learn from them, and in the process, grow stronger from them as well.” She paused, her hazel eyes fixed on his. ”There’s more to you than even you might know, and it’s your decision whether you want to embrace it or push it away and continue to live the lie which they feed you.”
Finally, her small monologue seemed to wind down, and with a small huff of a sigh, she settled back again, clearly signaling that the stage now belonged to him. Ultimately, it would be his decision, whether or not to accept himself for who he was, and she felt that she had done all that was within her power to enlighten him on the choice he would have to make. No matter which he chose, she would still be there for him, of that she was certain, if nothing else. The food which the waitress had brought lay untouched and unnoticed, as Aerowyn’s attention still remained riveted on Sev, quiet patience in her expression. She’d be willing to sit here all night with him; however long it took for him to finally reach his verdict.
{Apparently, it's really difficult to follow up a mushy post with an unmushy one...so I kinda gave up on that xD Might be my only chance to get a mushy post in before they eventually get "fighty" again x3}
Aerowyn sighed wearily, closing her eyes as she sat back against the chair. This all felt beyond her comprehension: She had hardly just begun to see past her own barricades which had kept her separate from the rest of the world, but now, she was expected to have the answers to questions which she had never considered, let alone knew the solutions to. She tried to sort through the confusion of her jumbled thoughts, but making sense of any of them seemed to elude her grasp, to her frustration. She felt as if her mind was running around in circles, like a broken track playing the same nonsensical fragment over and over again, a part that was meaningless when taken from the whole. She didn’t have an answer for him: She was simply saying what her instincts told her were true. She didn’t have a means of justifying them, and vexed her to no end. Every pained word tore at her heart, and she wanted desperately to be able to help him, but she couldn’t see how. She hated the despair which ruthlessly ate at her mind and the feeling of being totally helpless. In this sense, she could understand Sev’s battle against what he viewed as his own inadequacy.
”I’ll always be here.”
Aerowyn finally opened her eyes again to fix him with a keen gaze which bespoke wariness, yet at the same time, an unspoken trust. She was silent for a moment, as if letting the words and their implications sink in. ”I’ll hold you to that promise,” she finally said. For her, this was a big step: Sev probably didn’t know the extent of the gap which she had just taken the risk of breaching. She had never put so much trust in an individual before in her life – in the only comparable instance, Serissa, she had been betrayed by the person to whom she had dedicated her life. Why she was taking that risk again now, she didn’t know herself, but once again, it was one of those on-the-moment things which simply felt…right.
Her mind continued to churn ceaselessly, but she found that by pulling strands of thoughts one at a time, they slowly began to unravel into a cohesive whole which gradually began to make sense to her, like a puzzle being fitted together one piece at a time. She couldn’t be sure that the image which it gave her was a valid solution, but in her thoughts, it seemed to make sense. Gathering her resolve, she sat up in the seat, leaning forward over the table slightly to fix a penetrating gaze on Sev’s. He’d been there for her, and she wasn’t going to give up on him now. As she spoke, the words fell as they came to her mind, her tone soft, yet at the same time, it held a compelling quality which seemed to mingle with the swell of the music which continued to drift through the air about them.
”There’s a difference between “surviving” and “living”,” she began, sounding slightly hesitant, but the conviction in her voice grew as she continued. ”It’s true, I might not know very much about the latter myself, but what I do know is that it can make all the difference in your life. Yes, you were made and trained to be perfect, but that perfection, your whole life, was created solely for the purpose of battle. On the battlefield, perfection is necessary for survival: Believe me, I would know. But you’re so much more than what they say you are. To them, you’re just another pawn in their game, and outside of combat, you serve no use to them. They train you only to do what they want you to do, take away your freedom and make you believe that you have no route, no options outside of the ones which they provide you. What they don’t tell you though, is that off of the battlefield, life is built on mistakes. You learn from them, and in the process, grow stronger from them as well.” She paused, her hazel eyes fixed on his. ”There’s more to you than even you might know, and it’s your decision whether you want to embrace it or push it away and continue to live the lie which they feed you.”
Finally, her small monologue seemed to wind down, and with a small huff of a sigh, she settled back again, clearly signaling that the stage now belonged to him. Ultimately, it would be his decision, whether or not to accept himself for who he was, and she felt that she had done all that was within her power to enlighten him on the choice he would have to make. No matter which he chose, she would still be there for him, of that she was certain, if nothing else. The food which the waitress had brought lay untouched and unnoticed, as Aerowyn’s attention still remained riveted on Sev, quiet patience in her expression. She’d be willing to sit here all night with him; however long it took for him to finally reach his verdict.
{Apparently, it's really difficult to follow up a mushy post with an unmushy one...so I kinda gave up on that xD Might be my only chance to get a mushy post in before they eventually get "fighty" again x3}
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/21/2009 10:00 PM
Sev kept his gaze on the table, his eyes rifting across the ancient, weathered wood. "Not to me," he said at last. "There never has been a difference. Living and surviving have always been the same for me. Ever since I was...Younger, it's all I've ever done. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, each breath, each heartbeat. All of it; surviving. There was never any time for 'living.' I'm not sure if there is now either." He willed himself not to meet her gaze; maybe if he tried to ignore it, it wouldn't make him feel quite so bad. He looked up suddenly, gaze hard and narrowed. "The battlefield is my life. It is all I've ever known. No comfort, no love, no one to worry about me."
He wanted to make her understand, but he was fighting a losing battle. His own mind was being turned against him; was she right? Did she know what she was talking about? A small part of Sev wanted to say that she didn't, but the bigger part, the one that trusted Aerowyn, said she knew exactly what she was saying. His mind was a jumble of confused words and thoughts; everything he knew was being destroyed in a single moment. His whole life, his purpose, his perfection; gone. Everything he held dear had crumbled before his eyes; and Aerowyn had been the one who'd started the landslide.
"I know I'm not of any use off of the battlefield. Best I can hope for is a quick death and a ride in a body bag. I'm not valued as a person, or even as a solider. Being perfect was something that kept me going; pushing forward, surviving, trying to make it through one more day of life. Now that I don't have that anymore...What do I have?" He glanced up at her, his words suddenly fading into nothingness as the guitar player finished his solo and the restaurant fell silent again. Maybe he was just tired, but everything seemed to confuse him.
Maybe he was just hungry. Maybe a bit of food would do him good. he remained silent as he pulled his plate towards him and began to dig into his food as if nothing had just happened. He managed not to look concerned, though a war was being waged inside his head. Aerowyn was right but...But what she said went against everything he knew. He wasn't perfect...But he was supposed to be. He didn't live, he survived, but she said he needed to live? He was a solider, a killer, but...Something more?
What was he? Sev didn't know anymore. His brain was only a few moments away from shutting down and blocking everything out; but Sev didn't want to ignore this. He wanted to believe her, wanted to agree with everything she said, but his indoctrination into the army and the ranks of the nameless, unappreciated soldiers told him she was wrong.
[29/42]
He wanted to make her understand, but he was fighting a losing battle. His own mind was being turned against him; was she right? Did she know what she was talking about? A small part of Sev wanted to say that she didn't, but the bigger part, the one that trusted Aerowyn, said she knew exactly what she was saying. His mind was a jumble of confused words and thoughts; everything he knew was being destroyed in a single moment. His whole life, his purpose, his perfection; gone. Everything he held dear had crumbled before his eyes; and Aerowyn had been the one who'd started the landslide.
"I know I'm not of any use off of the battlefield. Best I can hope for is a quick death and a ride in a body bag. I'm not valued as a person, or even as a solider. Being perfect was something that kept me going; pushing forward, surviving, trying to make it through one more day of life. Now that I don't have that anymore...What do I have?" He glanced up at her, his words suddenly fading into nothingness as the guitar player finished his solo and the restaurant fell silent again. Maybe he was just tired, but everything seemed to confuse him.
Maybe he was just hungry. Maybe a bit of food would do him good. he remained silent as he pulled his plate towards him and began to dig into his food as if nothing had just happened. He managed not to look concerned, though a war was being waged inside his head. Aerowyn was right but...But what she said went against everything he knew. He wasn't perfect...But he was supposed to be. He didn't live, he survived, but she said he needed to live? He was a solider, a killer, but...Something more?
What was he? Sev didn't know anymore. His brain was only a few moments away from shutting down and blocking everything out; but Sev didn't want to ignore this. He wanted to believe her, wanted to agree with everything she said, but his indoctrination into the army and the ranks of the nameless, unappreciated soldiers told him she was wrong.
[29/42]
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/21/2009 11:10 PM
”No one, Sev? Is that really what you believe?” Hazel eyes were narrowed once again as they returned his stare with equal conviction, a challenge in their depths. ”What about your squadmates? Do they care nothing for you? Do you care nothing for them?” Behind the defiance in her gaze, there was a hidden plea, wishing that just this once, Sev would listen to what she said, to listen to sense. As she continued though, her voice was slightly softer, gentler. ”What about me? What does that make me, in your world of apathy?” Her eyes sought his, questioning. ”Did you bring me here just to sit around to watch and wait for the only person I care about to get himself killed?”
Aerowyn was frustrated: Frustrated at Sev for not listening to logic, and frustrated at herself for not being able to convince him otherwise. His indifference towards his own life infuriated her, but perhaps more so, his seeming unconcern towards her was what wounded her the most. Although she hid it under her mask of exasperation, the agony was there, raw and unrelenting. Did she really mean this little to him? Had it been a mistake, putting her trust in him, letting him draw her out of the only life she had known? The implications were painful to think about, and she tried to push them away, to push them out of her mind. She couldn’t bear to consider the possibility which he had presented to her: It meant that her own life was as worthless as it had been before her “rescue”. It was just that now, her suffering would simply be prolonged in comparison to the relatively quick death she could count on if she had remained under Serissa’s service.
”If that’s really what you think, then what am I doing here?” The anger and grief threatened to seep through her control and take ahold of her, but she fought them off, knowing that they were the only thing which stood between her and despair. ”Was bringing me here some kind of mistake? If I serve no purpose in your life, then what was the point? All it’s done is robbed me of my quick death, and now what am I left with? An existence without any purpose whatsoever.” The building wave of emotion had returned once again, except this time, the dynamics were completely different: There was no hope, no ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ to look for. Only the black abyss of hopelessness. Her eyes were narrowed as she stared him down, anguish in their depths. ”That’s no existence at all…you would know.”
Suddenly, she felt as if she couldn’t stay here anymore. She felt as if she was slowly being suffocated in the cozy little café, and she just had to get out before it smothered her. Pushing herself away from the table, she rose, brushing by the waitress as she strode quickly through the restaurant, the bell in the doorway tinkling weakly as she pushed her way out onto the street and into the pouring rain. She paid no heed to the looks thrown her way by those who still wandered the market, not stopping before she reached the outskirts of the town. The ground under her feet became grassy as she stepped out onto the moors which stretched as far as the eye could see. Here, she finally slowed her pace, coming to a standstill in the middle of the grassy plain, a good distance away from the town which she had left behind. The cold rain felt soothing against her skin, and here, it was almost as if she could just will the turmoil which plagued her mind away, as if the rain could simply wash them from her thoughts. She felt…lost. She had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. The unanswerable questions continued to echo through her thoughts in the emptiness of the wilderness. At least out here, no one could tell where the tears mingled with the rain.
Aerowyn was frustrated: Frustrated at Sev for not listening to logic, and frustrated at herself for not being able to convince him otherwise. His indifference towards his own life infuriated her, but perhaps more so, his seeming unconcern towards her was what wounded her the most. Although she hid it under her mask of exasperation, the agony was there, raw and unrelenting. Did she really mean this little to him? Had it been a mistake, putting her trust in him, letting him draw her out of the only life she had known? The implications were painful to think about, and she tried to push them away, to push them out of her mind. She couldn’t bear to consider the possibility which he had presented to her: It meant that her own life was as worthless as it had been before her “rescue”. It was just that now, her suffering would simply be prolonged in comparison to the relatively quick death she could count on if she had remained under Serissa’s service.
”If that’s really what you think, then what am I doing here?” The anger and grief threatened to seep through her control and take ahold of her, but she fought them off, knowing that they were the only thing which stood between her and despair. ”Was bringing me here some kind of mistake? If I serve no purpose in your life, then what was the point? All it’s done is robbed me of my quick death, and now what am I left with? An existence without any purpose whatsoever.” The building wave of emotion had returned once again, except this time, the dynamics were completely different: There was no hope, no ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ to look for. Only the black abyss of hopelessness. Her eyes were narrowed as she stared him down, anguish in their depths. ”That’s no existence at all…you would know.”
Suddenly, she felt as if she couldn’t stay here anymore. She felt as if she was slowly being suffocated in the cozy little café, and she just had to get out before it smothered her. Pushing herself away from the table, she rose, brushing by the waitress as she strode quickly through the restaurant, the bell in the doorway tinkling weakly as she pushed her way out onto the street and into the pouring rain. She paid no heed to the looks thrown her way by those who still wandered the market, not stopping before she reached the outskirts of the town. The ground under her feet became grassy as she stepped out onto the moors which stretched as far as the eye could see. Here, she finally slowed her pace, coming to a standstill in the middle of the grassy plain, a good distance away from the town which she had left behind. The cold rain felt soothing against her skin, and here, it was almost as if she could just will the turmoil which plagued her mind away, as if the rain could simply wash them from her thoughts. She felt…lost. She had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. The unanswerable questions continued to echo through her thoughts in the emptiness of the wilderness. At least out here, no one could tell where the tears mingled with the rain.
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by MillietheWarrior » 09/22/2009 2:50 AM
Sev stared at Aerowyn, food forgotten, fork laying useless on his plate. He hadn’t meant it to sound that way. When he said no one cared for him he meant…Sev growled, frustrated. What did he mean? Sure, he had his brothers, but there was always something more he felt he was missing, always someone so important who wasn’t there but should be. Aerowyn had taken his words the wrong way, and the raw pain and aguish he saw in her eyes tore him apart. Sev wanted to snarl and growl and force her to understand what he knew to be true. But he was only being a hypocrite if he did; everything she was saying cut him deeply. She was right; it was all true, all of it. But Sev was still reluctant to believe it, though his heart was screaming to stop fighting what she was trying to tell him.
His eyes widened slightly as Aerowyn pushed back her chair, giving him no time to respond to her questions, before she stomped out the door and down the street in the pouring rain. Sev dug in his pockets for the little bit of money he still had, and hurried to the counter to pay for the meal. The waitress was watching him with a keen eye, and when he held out his credit chips, she folded his hand back over them and pushed them away, shaking her head softly. Sev stared at her for a moment before she gave him a knowing smile. “You may need to buy her flowers or something to make up for whatever argument you two just got in. Keep it.” Sev blinked, nodding curtly and gratefully, before he rushed out the door into the pouring rain.
Heedless of the soaking he immediately received upon exiting the café, Sev looked up and down the street, trying to spot Aerowyn’s shock of dark blonde hair in a crowd of dark haired strangers. He craned his neck, water dripping down his face and skewing his vision as he raced after what he thought was Aerowyn. Luckily he was right; she was heading for the grasslands. He reached her just as she reached the moors, their feet touching down on wet grass as they stepped out onto the plains. The wind buffeted Sev’s hair and jacket; there was no cover or protection out here from the howling torrents and the pounding rain. But Sev paid it little heed.
His hand flashed out, and he grabbed Aerowyn around the wrist before she could slip father away from him; it was a desperate, pleading grip, one that conveyed his fear of losing her after just finding her once more. He pulled her closer to him, spinning her around with enough force to send her staggering. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d fallen; he’d have caught her without hesitation. “I brought you here because I care about you,” he growled suddenly in a low voice, rain falling from his nose, and cascading down to drip off his eyelashes. He leaned down slightly, face hovering inches from his own. “I told you, I don’t make mistakes. This time is no different.”
He paused, his voice lowering to a soft rumble. “It’s not that you have no purpose in my life…It’s that…I’m afraid you are my life now. And it scares me…I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know if I want to feel this way, but I’m willing to give it a try.” He fell silent, sucking in a deep lungful of air, his face awash with grief and confusion. “I exist for you now. And I want you to exist for me. I won’t ever let you go; I swear it. No matter what…I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, and I don’t plan on letting anything ever happen to you. I might not understand this, but I’m ready to try. I just…” His crimson gaze locked onto her own, staring down between the near foot that separated them.
“Everything I’ve ever been told, everything I‘ve known…You’ve brought it all crumbling down around me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve always been in control, I’ve always been perfect. The idea that I don’t have to be because you don’t need me to be…It’s hard to accept. But I’m willing to try. For you.” He fell silent, the rain beating down on his shoulders and body. There was a steady, near deafening roar of pouring rain as it cascaded down in torrents, soaking the landscape and the two brave souls who dared to defy it.
[30/43]
His eyes widened slightly as Aerowyn pushed back her chair, giving him no time to respond to her questions, before she stomped out the door and down the street in the pouring rain. Sev dug in his pockets for the little bit of money he still had, and hurried to the counter to pay for the meal. The waitress was watching him with a keen eye, and when he held out his credit chips, she folded his hand back over them and pushed them away, shaking her head softly. Sev stared at her for a moment before she gave him a knowing smile. “You may need to buy her flowers or something to make up for whatever argument you two just got in. Keep it.” Sev blinked, nodding curtly and gratefully, before he rushed out the door into the pouring rain.
Heedless of the soaking he immediately received upon exiting the café, Sev looked up and down the street, trying to spot Aerowyn’s shock of dark blonde hair in a crowd of dark haired strangers. He craned his neck, water dripping down his face and skewing his vision as he raced after what he thought was Aerowyn. Luckily he was right; she was heading for the grasslands. He reached her just as she reached the moors, their feet touching down on wet grass as they stepped out onto the plains. The wind buffeted Sev’s hair and jacket; there was no cover or protection out here from the howling torrents and the pounding rain. But Sev paid it little heed.
His hand flashed out, and he grabbed Aerowyn around the wrist before she could slip father away from him; it was a desperate, pleading grip, one that conveyed his fear of losing her after just finding her once more. He pulled her closer to him, spinning her around with enough force to send her staggering. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d fallen; he’d have caught her without hesitation. “I brought you here because I care about you,” he growled suddenly in a low voice, rain falling from his nose, and cascading down to drip off his eyelashes. He leaned down slightly, face hovering inches from his own. “I told you, I don’t make mistakes. This time is no different.”
He paused, his voice lowering to a soft rumble. “It’s not that you have no purpose in my life…It’s that…I’m afraid you are my life now. And it scares me…I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know if I want to feel this way, but I’m willing to give it a try.” He fell silent, sucking in a deep lungful of air, his face awash with grief and confusion. “I exist for you now. And I want you to exist for me. I won’t ever let you go; I swear it. No matter what…I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, and I don’t plan on letting anything ever happen to you. I might not understand this, but I’m ready to try. I just…” His crimson gaze locked onto her own, staring down between the near foot that separated them.
“Everything I’ve ever been told, everything I‘ve known…You’ve brought it all crumbling down around me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve always been in control, I’ve always been perfect. The idea that I don’t have to be because you don’t need me to be…It’s hard to accept. But I’m willing to try. For you.” He fell silent, the rain beating down on his shoulders and body. There was a steady, near deafening roar of pouring rain as it cascaded down in torrents, soaking the landscape and the two brave souls who dared to defy it.
[30/43]
I love adventurous tales like that. That uplifting feeling that comes from seeing unknown lands and the knowledge that you came across—nothing can replace it! It opens a path from which self-confidence, experience, and important friendships—from the sharing of life or death situations—are born! But hearing it just isn’t the same. I want to create my own magnificent story!
A great adventure!
+Imp. Documents+ +Menagerie+ +Wishlist+ +Journal+
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MillietheWarrior - Globetrotter
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Re: There's Got To Be More (P, Flame and I)
by Flame » 09/22/2009 7:53 PM
The wind keened mournfully in her ears as it gusted and buffeted around her, as if it were incensed at being ignored by the small, lone figure which openly defied it. It plastered the rain-soaked clothing to her slight form, blonde hair darkened almost to brown by the driving curtain of rain which continued to drench the bleak landscape. Only the fleeting warmth on her cheeks gave away the fact that tears added to the trail of liquid which slid down her face. Should she be this distraught about Sev’s indifference? Should her emotions be so utterly devastated, her grief so profound? Even if the answer was ‘no’, even though she felt as if she ought to have better control over her own thoughts and sentiments, she knew, although she tried to deny it, that either way, nothing could change the anguish which wracked her.
Who was she to believe that anything had changed? That she could simply change his mind in an instant, make him see what he hadn’t seen through the whole duration of his brief, breakneck-paced life? Now that she had the space to stop and reflect, it occurred to her how unlikely it might have been to persuade him to see the truth which he so obstinately refused to acknowledge. She caught herself wondering where she might be now, had their paths just happened not to coincide on that day in the Slums. She couldn’t truthfully say whether it would have been better or worse than where she was now. Maybe the truth of the matter was that it would be less painful just to bring the chain reaction to a stop now, before it consumed so much of her that there could be no turning back. She found though, that simply trying to “let go” was much easier said than done.
Suddenly, she felt a hand wrap around her wrist to grab her and spin her around, only to find herself whirling to face Sev himself. She hadn’t heard his approach through the drumming of the rain and the howl of the wind, and admittedly, she had been caught by surprise: She hadn’t expected him to follow her all the way out here. Aerowyn didn’t know exactly how she felt at this given moment: Was she happy? Angry? Confused? Most of all though, she knew that there was the subconscious, ever present fear of being turned away again. She wasn’t sure that she could bear to live through that same experience twice. He had drawn her closer to himself, so that their faces were mere inches away, but she hadn’t fought him as he did. Why? It was something she would puzzle about in the future, but now, as he spoke, her eyes searched his face, her expression unfathomable.
She wanted to believe what he was saying; she desperately did, but fear cut her off from doing so, the fear of falling again. She was aware of the terrible innocence which she harbored towards matters of everything but what she had been trained to do, and this was one of those moments where it became painfully obvious. A part of her mind questioned her though: What did she have if she couldn’t trust Sev? Like she had said earlier, aside from him, there really was no meaning at all to her existence. When he fell silent, Aerowyn remained taciturn as well, hazel eyes taking in the rain-drenched features which she had come to know as the storm continued to rage around them. The internal warfare flickered in her troubled gaze as instinct fought logic and emotions battled experience, the moments dragging by at an agonizing pace. Despite the violent protests of the more rational part of her mind, something within her relented to Sev’s words. If she had been watching herself from a distance, she would have disdained herself for being weak, but she felt, and vehemently hoped, that she was doing the right thing.
”That’s all I ask of you,” she finally said, her voice almost too soft to hear through the pounding of the rain. Her eyes were locked on his, a silent plea in their depths which implored him to mean every word that he said. Right now, what she needed was his comfort and assurance, but they were the things which she would never dare to let show, let alone ask for. Might she be making the same mistake again? She very well might be; but she also knew that if she didn't take the chance, then there would be no hope left for her at all in this otherwise meaningless world.
{Sorry if it sounds a little jumbled near the end...-ish exhausted- x3}
Who was she to believe that anything had changed? That she could simply change his mind in an instant, make him see what he hadn’t seen through the whole duration of his brief, breakneck-paced life? Now that she had the space to stop and reflect, it occurred to her how unlikely it might have been to persuade him to see the truth which he so obstinately refused to acknowledge. She caught herself wondering where she might be now, had their paths just happened not to coincide on that day in the Slums. She couldn’t truthfully say whether it would have been better or worse than where she was now. Maybe the truth of the matter was that it would be less painful just to bring the chain reaction to a stop now, before it consumed so much of her that there could be no turning back. She found though, that simply trying to “let go” was much easier said than done.
Suddenly, she felt a hand wrap around her wrist to grab her and spin her around, only to find herself whirling to face Sev himself. She hadn’t heard his approach through the drumming of the rain and the howl of the wind, and admittedly, she had been caught by surprise: She hadn’t expected him to follow her all the way out here. Aerowyn didn’t know exactly how she felt at this given moment: Was she happy? Angry? Confused? Most of all though, she knew that there was the subconscious, ever present fear of being turned away again. She wasn’t sure that she could bear to live through that same experience twice. He had drawn her closer to himself, so that their faces were mere inches away, but she hadn’t fought him as he did. Why? It was something she would puzzle about in the future, but now, as he spoke, her eyes searched his face, her expression unfathomable.
She wanted to believe what he was saying; she desperately did, but fear cut her off from doing so, the fear of falling again. She was aware of the terrible innocence which she harbored towards matters of everything but what she had been trained to do, and this was one of those moments where it became painfully obvious. A part of her mind questioned her though: What did she have if she couldn’t trust Sev? Like she had said earlier, aside from him, there really was no meaning at all to her existence. When he fell silent, Aerowyn remained taciturn as well, hazel eyes taking in the rain-drenched features which she had come to know as the storm continued to rage around them. The internal warfare flickered in her troubled gaze as instinct fought logic and emotions battled experience, the moments dragging by at an agonizing pace. Despite the violent protests of the more rational part of her mind, something within her relented to Sev’s words. If she had been watching herself from a distance, she would have disdained herself for being weak, but she felt, and vehemently hoped, that she was doing the right thing.
”That’s all I ask of you,” she finally said, her voice almost too soft to hear through the pounding of the rain. Her eyes were locked on his, a silent plea in their depths which implored him to mean every word that he said. Right now, what she needed was his comfort and assurance, but they were the things which she would never dare to let show, let alone ask for. Might she be making the same mistake again? She very well might be; but she also knew that if she didn't take the chance, then there would be no hope left for her at all in this otherwise meaningless world.
{Sorry if it sounds a little jumbled near the end...-ish exhausted- x3}
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