[Redd]

I feel alone in my thoughts, these memories just don't-

"No."

I know I'm hurting deep down but can't show it-

"No, no no. That one's already been done."

With a frantic motion, Evan scribbled the pen across the page, concealing the verse right under the twenty other attempts to start. With a weary sigh, he grabbed the offending page, crumpled it and tossed it over the bar, to where he'd hoped the bin was, before sinking into the table. Why couldn't he get these words down right? He knew what he wanted to do but... finding the words to express how he felt. Now that was the hardest part.

[Redd]

"Heeeeey bro, how's the sad shit goin'?"

Evan gave a muffled protesting noise, before raising his head and pushing his beanie back. "Would appreciate it if you don't throw your trash on my floor though dude, not cool. Erebus hates that shit." The bartender continued, totally oblivious to Evan's withering stare. "Hey! I know what you need. One sec." The bartender crouched down, out of Evan's view, rummaging under the bar.

"Toby no-" Evan shot up waving at Toby to stop whatever he was doing. "I don't need-" he was cut off by a loud thunk as the bartender dropped a bottle of Hennessy on the counter.

"You're telling me you don't need some Henny? How about Hpnotiq? We got both." Toby leaned across the counter, shit eating grin on his face. Even if his long black hair was hanging over his eyes, Evan could tell that they were narrowed sarcastically.

[Redd]

Evan hesitated for a second, frown twisting reluctantly and hand poised to take the bottled, before waving the overenthusiastic bartender off. "Hpnotiq. Make something girly for me." He finally replied, just hoping it'd be enough to content him for a bit. "And, hold up. 'Sad shit'? What the fuck man?"

Toby paused about to pour something into a shaker, before setting it down on the table. "Well? That's what you do right? Sad, depressing shit?" Toby tilted his head quizzically, genuinely looking confused. "I mean I guess here, you just do remixes and things people wanna dance to, but I figured that wasn't... what you  wanna do, Erebus makes you do it."

[Redd]

"Sad shit." Evan repeated incredulously. "Is that what they're saying?" That was... just fantastic. He was the depressing rapper, when he wasn't being a cliche, empty DJ. He wasn't changing the perception of mental health, he wasn't helping people. It was just... sad shit. He sank his head into his hands, mumbling 'no' over and over, only stopping when a firm hand on his shoulder pulled him back to the present.

"I mean... We both just wanna make people happy and we've got labels we don't like?" Toby awkwardly tried to explain, almost wincing when Evan jerked back up. If looks could kill... well, Toby didn't want to find out.

"How the fuck is drug dealing helping?" Evan replied hotly, hands balling into fists. He could feel his chest tighten. He could see Toby recoil a little bit. However, he had just had a shit week. Last thing he wanted was some misguided idiot thinking what they did was even remotely similar.

[Redd]

Toby nervously adjusted his collar and visibly swallowed. "I'm just helping people pass a moment. Forget. Sometimes that's all they need to get through a tough period. People are going to find an escape. Some people pick you, music. Sometimes they pick... me." He didn't sound defensive, more just... defeated. Like he'd had this conversation before. "They're gonna, whether you like it or not. All I can do is just make sure it's clean, safe and not addictive. Anyway. Irrelevant. Coma- Evan. You never answered me."

"Non-addictive. Huh, explains why you're always on it." Evan mumbled into his hands before pulling and propping his elbows on the table. "Shit. I can't... get the words out."

"You don't seem to struggle around me." Came the sarcastic response.

[Redd]

"Hah hah. No like I..." he paused, looking across the dimly light bar trying to find the words. It begged the question of why he tried writing in this awful place to begin with. There was a certain air of... desperation here, he guessed. Sadness even. Toby was right, too many people here were trying to escape their problems with loud noise and substances. He would have easily been one of them if he didn't feel this overwhelming feeling of responsibility every time he even picked up a bottle.

There were people looking up to him. He was supposed to be helping people through tough times, if he caved, then what would that say to the people he'd just reassured through songs?

[Redd]

Right, back to the question. He was totally drawing a blank. "That's is though, the words aren't coming. It's different than mashing up some shitty pop songs or even rapping about living the life or dumb memes. It's personal, it's... revealing how I really feel. Do you even know how scary that is?" Evan's tone was almost pleading Toby to understanding what he meant. Even if he knew the carefree gardener-turned-bartender was almost always too doped up to even feel sadness. They'd known each other for years, he knew Toby desperately wanted to help people, that's why he'd started using his hydroponic set up to start cultivating cannabis on the side of his flower business.

Toby made a thoughtful noise, passing over the requested drink. "So, you're comfortable talking to me? Tell me how you feel."

[Redd]

There was some truth to that.

"Don't you have other customers to service?" Evan grumbled reluctantly back, taking a small sip of the drink. Vodka, coconut rum and pineapple juice. Not too bad really.

"Have you looked past your arms? The bar's dead. It's Wednesday. That's why you're here tonight instead of... like, Friday." Toby incredulously replied, waving his arms around to gesture that the bar indeed, minus a few middle aged men in the seated area, was empty.

"I work Friday idiot."

Toby sighed wearily and reached down under the bar. He placed a fresh piece of paper on the counter. "Okay hey, if you're struggling to make the first steps, that's okay. Let me ask you some questions. Maybe that'll get some words flowing."